We’re back from the international break, and I hope everyone’s had a chance for a nice little mental break as well, because these final few weeks of the season could get very taxing indeed.
We begin our quest to avoid implosion (on and off the pitch) with a cupcake of a matchup against third division strugglers Port Vale, who have somehow managed to make it into the final eight of this year’s FA Cup. True Magic of the Cup stuff! They can trace their roots back a century and a half, but this is only
the second time they’ve ever made it this far. Of the eight teams remaining, they’re the only ones to have never won it, reaching the semifinals only once, in 1954.
Though Chelsea continue to invent new ways to frustrate, disappoint, and infuriate (on and off the pitch), surely not even this Chelsea can contrive to [FUN] this up. Right?
Right?
Date / Time: Saturday, April 4, 2026, 17.15 BST; 12:15pm EDT; 9:45pm IST
Venue: Stamford Bridge, SW6
Referee: Farai Hallam (on pitch); Neil Davies (VAR)
Forecast: Overcast, breezy
On TV: BBC One, TNT Sports 1 (UK); none (USA); Sony TEN 1 (India); SuperSport MaXimo 1 (NGA); elsewhere
Streaming: BBC iPlayer, HBO Max (UK); ESPN Select (USA); Sony LIV (India); DStv Now (NGA)
Chelsea team news: Where to even start? Chelsea have lost four in a row, three of those by three goals, and have not scored a goal in over 300 minutes. The vibes are scraping all-time lows, with players actively agitating for change and maybe even moves away, and the club coming down with draconian punishments like suspending Vice-captain Enzo Fernández for two games for saying that the weather in Madrid sure is fine. It’s all under control! No worries.
Meanwhile, Reece James and Trevoh Chalobah are both injured and all our other key players saw lots of action over the break. Thankfully, they probably won’t be needed to dispatch Port Vale. Or, well, they “shouldn’t” be needed but our second- and third-choice players have repeatedly failed their auditions all season, by and large. But no problem, Tosin’s here to save the day and lead us to greatness.
“We’ve got many leaders. Moisés Caicedo is in our leadership group. Tosin, too. We’ve got Cole Palmer, we’ve got João Pedro. We’ve got Marc Cucurella. We’ve got leaders in the group [and] you’ll see who’s captain tomorrow.”
-Liam Rosenior; source: Chelsea FC
Oh boy.
Port Vale team news: The victors Valiant of Port Vale (not an actual place, at least not anymore) have managed stay in the Football League ever since 1919 despite never quite reaching the heights of the First Division / Premier League. They had come close a couple times in the 80s and 90s, but more recently, have been floating around the bottom two tiers. Last year, they earned promotion to the third division by finishing second in League Two, but will be going back down as they sit rock bottom of League One, fifteen points from safety with eight games left.
But their FA Cup run has been truly magical, beating lower-league sides Bristol Rovers, Fleetwood Town, and Bristol City before eliminating Sunderland in the Round of 16. All of those game were at home and all finished 1-0; this will be the first time they have to hit the road in this year’s competition. (They were beaten by Arsenal in the League Cup third round.)
Former Premier League defender Darren Moore began the season as their manager; he was sacked in December and replaced by Jon Brady in January. Results have not improved much: he’s won a third of his 21 games in charge. Manchester City academy graduate Devante Cole leads the team’s scoring charts (albeit with just eight goals total). Anthony Grant and Tom Taiwo are two former Chelsea prospects who used to play for the club, but at the moment, there are no Chelsea connections in the squad.
Previously: We’ve actually played Port Vale several times in our history, 14 to be exact, but it’s been almost exactly a century, 97 years to be exact, since our last meeting in 1929, back in the old second division. The Vale have not won any of their seven prior trips to the Bridge, losing six of them.
