Lázaro Montes’ debut last night got the lion’s share of the attention, but we would be remiss if we did not dedicate some time to another Mariners debut on Tuesday evening: Journeyman lefty Hoby Milner.
In the bottom of the ninth with a five-run lead, Dan Wilson turned to his newest toy in the bullpen. The M’s had signed Milner to a minor league deal on August 31, shortly after the Cubs released him, and brought him up with the expanded rosters on September 1.
Roman Anthony, a lefty, at the plate.
Hoby serves up his first pitch as a Mariner: an 85 MPH sinker, hold the sink. Anthony lines it to center for a single.
Jahmai Jones replaces lefty Mickey Gasper, takes a sweeping 77 MPH pitch well outside and scoops an 86 MPH sinker, tasteful sink, way over the Green Monster.
He’s thrown three pitches, given up two runs and cannot be pulled because he has to face a third hitter. He blinks grimly at Eli White and digs in. 78 MPH sweeper a country mile wide. 77 MPH down the pipe; White politely stands still. 79 MPH outside and low this time. At Bat identifies it as a changeup, and I’ll let you do with that what you will. 80 MPH change outside middle; White’s politeness gone, he shoots to kill. Hoby survives, but Wilson steps onto the field. Andrés Muñoz arrives and cleans up the mess with four pitches. No dance for Hoby tonight. It is an inauspicious start for a pitcher who was in talks with Seattle during the off-season. The comments rain down, but you sillies, you waste your words.
You think you can hurt Hoby?
Hoby has been saddled with a David Hasellhoff-inspired name all this life.
Hoby grew up with the fragility of baseball dreams woven into his childhood. His father, Brian, made his big league debut at age 18, played two games and never returned to the majors.
Hoby was a multiway player throughout college until he took a fastball to the eye.
Hoby named his cat Darth Kittypuss because he wanted to make a play on Darth Sidious.
Hoby has raced through the streets in a stranger’s car as his organ failed.
Hoby is on his seventh team in nine seasons, zigzagging across the country and toiling intermittently in the minors for years.
Hoby survived Anaheim in 2020.
Hoby’s overhead pictures depict a shadow that looks closer to kokopelli than a human man pitching.
Hoby has never known a velocity beginning with 9.
You cannot hurt Hoby. Only Hoby can hurt Hoby. And he knows it could always be worse. He’s a perfect Mariner.
