Trotsky. Ceaușescu. Khrushchev. Sadat. Gorbachev. Hussein. Gaddafi.
And now, Harrison.
Figureheads come and figureheads go, am I right, comrades?
But the Great Eagle, immutable, clean and bright, continues
to soar overhead.
We here at the Great Adelsonian Politburo, and in particular those of us in the upper echelon of the Mavericks State Media Apparatus, wish to use this unique moment in Our Illustrious And Sovereign Nation’s History as an opportunity to reestablish a bit of what many feel may have been lost in recent years.
We hear you, and we wish to reconnect with our people, so we have deemed it wise to lift our foot atop on this chair conveniently placed in front of us and to rest our elbow atop our knee as we lean forward ever so slightly and look you squarely in the eye so you know what is happening at this time is a very informal and a very friendly communique. We’re just having a nice chat with our peeps here, at this present moment.
At the behest of The Miriam To End All Miriams, we sincerely wish to get back to that genuine two-way communication between starving, huddled masses and the despots who hold the keys to the food pantries and prison camps. Because in our Hearts of Lions’ Hearts, we know, All-Powerful Regimes don’t just spring forth by chance, out of nothing. They spring forth because scores upon scores and throngs upon throngs of you sweet, egg-headed bastards allow them to spring forth through your own public slow-wittedness at scale.
We understand that your fealty was born not directly out of unending love for your Dear Leaders. Nay, it was born first from your love for Your Fellow Patriots and your collective love for the Righteous Game That Binds Us All. What we do better than any Regime in the world is systematically manipulate and warp that most precious human emotion, that desire for communion with your brethren, on a daily basis, to satisfy our own insatiable imperative toward consolidation of greater and greater power.
At times, it’s a little give, and at others — don’t we know — it’s quite a bit of take. Thus, from time to time and when it befits her own Glorious Machinations in ways you cannot begin to see, the Sainted Majestrix Miriam likes to give you room to be you; to, as the Western Millennials like to say, live your best life. She In Her Wisdom And Glory, therefore, is hereby willing to grant some measure of benevolent clemency for the addled, dopesick louts who have been observed by Our All-Seeing Eye Of State Surveillance shouting, drinking and serving sweet pastries in The Plaza of Victories Won, in celebration of the former General Nico’s immediate, mandatory and indefinite vacation to a nearby farm.
Have your fun while you may. Your Exalted Leaders wish it for you. In return for granting this temporary expression of “freedom,” we will drink once again of your ceaseless adulation when the Short Period Of Acceptable Self-Expression has come to its swift end.
No one associated with the Supreme Might of Adelsonia is happy with the on-court results after the moves made by the Former Generalisimo. Facts are facts, Dear Patriots — the guy was a brilliant hand in the textiles game — but not so hot when it came to Nation Building. However, we thought we had done a pretty decent job of smashing the notion that your feeble-minded expectations meant one goddamned thing at all in the worldwide scope of All-Encompassing Vision that Miriam and her Shadow Cabal operate within.
We understand the profound impact that the actions of the former Generalisimo have had in your dreary, workaday lives. Honestly, we thought that in the nine months since the Exile of the Balkan Mongrel Who Shall Remain Nameless, our efforts to bombard your sense of decency with various PSYOPS and cybertorture media manipulation techniques would have rendered you all useless lapdogs to the point that all fight, all hope for a better tomorrow (whatever the hell that even means), had gone by the ghetto’s wayside. General Nico’s inability to make the Vision of Glory for Adelsonia a reality in the proper window of time meant the decision to disappear him into Permanent Vacation Status was critical for the Continued March Toward Stately Perfection!
No matter, our dearest and most servile plebes. What you must take to heart now, as we lean a little farther forward with gaze fixed, in a gesture that borders uncomfortably between avuncular and menacing, is that we are forever committed to bringing you the foremost experience as an indentured fan of Our Nation’s Great Game.
Thank you, from the bottom of the blackest portions of our bile-stained hearts, for your continued and mandatory support for all that we do, into perpetuity. Thank you for holding onto the last shred of that preposterous belief you cling to that says any action you take or protest you participate in could ever hold even a dust mite’s weight of influence over the Great Machinery of State.
The Ceaseless Thirst for Victory guides every action we take on your behalf. Hold fast to the warm blanket of security that is the knowledge of That Great Fact Above All Else. Make that blanket last, too, even if it is only a blanket in the figurative sense. Because, as Comandante Jason of the Line of Kidd has warned, we’re gearing up for an unseasonably cold winter, even by Arctic Island Paradise standards — and especially along the perimeter.
The Unending Love Your Dear Leaders Have For Their People is the glue that keeps the Great State from falling into the ugly disrepair of malaise.
May the Mavericks Under The Guidance Of The Temperate Lady Miriam blot out the Suns of Phoenix on Wednesday and continue the March Toward History!
Onward!
End State Media Transmission.
