Ah the sweet sounds, sights, and pumpkin spices of fall are here. In lovely North Carolina the temperatures have dropped and the autumn wind is a Hurricane. Our favorite team has just started their season with a (win/loss) against their rival, the Notre Dame Fighting Irish, and you hear these dreaded words heading into their Week Two cupcaker: “We have plans.”
‘WE?! WE?!’ you say to your inner-self because you sure as heck aren’t going to utter a hint of dissent into the ranks of the family unit.
At the time of this declaration you had your lucky Miami Hurricanes boxers on, a few dozen cold ones in the Yeti, and the Bluetooth speaker bumping”In The Air Tonight” on 11.
All of this planning and preparation… and then your sweetie hits you with PLANS?! Whether they’re selfishly made fall wedding plans, salsa dancing on I-Drive plans, or any other plan that doesn’t involve watching the ‘Canes- you’re going anyhow, so now the question is: how will you watch the Hurricanes on Saturday night?
Scenario 1: Fall Weddings
Slip on your slides and walk down to the mailbox. Open up the little door and see you have received a bill for $1,500 disguised as a wedding invitation. Congrats, you’re broke. Not only are you broke but as you scan for the date of the lovely nuptials (and sticky consummation) you see that it’s mistakenly been booked during college football season. An October. SATURDAY. Wedding.
If you were forced to plan your own wedding in the fall because Jenny likes orange leaves or Jamal didn’t want to sweat through his tux (I feel you, brother) you MUST have a solid multi-screen TV set-up at the reception. This is the 2020’s and there’s no excuse for not having college football games on the TV’s set up in the bar area of your wedding reception.
If you’re forced to attend a selfish slappy’s fall wedding either 1- talk them into TV’s or 2- bring your iPad and hope there’s a strong WiFi signal in the venue. Maybe even perform a dry run the night before to make sure the WiFi works and is strong enough to stream video.
Scenario 2: Salsa Dancing
“Babe, next weekend we’re going salsa dancing on I-Drive.” If you’re thinking, ‘Wow there’s a few too many weird details for this one to not be true,‘ you’re the next Rustin Cohle. “Look pookie, you could just go with your friends, why drag me along for the ride?!” you think but would never actually say aloud.
To their defense, you have had months on months to ensure that you’re not missing the BCU Wildcats in action against your Hurricanes and this is truly your fault, hoss/hossette. So what do we need to do to overcome this adversity?
1- Check to see if the dance club has TV’s at the bar. You may need to be the guy or gal who volunteers to get the drinks, refill the waters, and maybe even pick up a round or two. 2- You can always bring your phone and make sure you’re already logged in on the ESPN app because lord knows it’s horrible to operate in crunch time.
Scenario 3: Dinner for two
I enjoy going out for dinner, don’t get me wrong. A great meal made by someone else and the dishes being done by someone else- who doesn’t love that? But if I’m being dragged out to a ‘dinner for two’ during football season on a Saturday night the joint better have TV’s.
If you’re forced to go to one of your “favorite… restaurant-type places” instead of ordering Sean’s Shack tendos and pooting it up on your favorite couch cushion, you need to be prepared. 1- Purchase a flesh-colored earpiece to listen to the game on while your significant other drones on about their bunions or work related issues.
2- If that idea isn’t plausible, sneak the phone down at your lap and if they ask why you aren’t making eye contact say, “you’re beauty is so radiant I can’t look directly at you without being blinded.” That or 3- you can always say you have VD and are checking on your personal area just in case of seepage.
No matter the excuse, make sure you can catch the game while you eat the catch of the day and without catching hell.
