One of the things about remakes is that they’re usually not very good.
Don’t get me wrong, I totally sympathize with the desire to revitalize a story and bring it into a new era. There’s a cliche in creative circles that there are only seven different stories in the world, and everything is a variation on one of those seven stories. That, of course, is nonsense, but I think there’s a grain of truth in that thought. If you’re a religious studies person, the Qoheleth’s “there is nothing new under the sun”
declaration will ring true for you here. For every twist and turn we might see in a story, the chances are that it’s already been done before using different characters, details, etc. This isn’t a bad thing, per se — it reflects a genuine desire to pass on the things that are meaningful to future generations, to allow them to interpret those special stories in their own way.
But back to my original point that remakes are usually bad. I’m not just talking about movies here, obviously. I’m talking about rivalry games. It’s kind of different in the way that there isn’t just one sequel but a perpetual cycle of repeating competition patterns that makes you sort of sick, especially when it comes to the most meaningful rivalries. How many times have we watched Mizzou go to Phog Allen Fieldhouse, go up big and then watch a lead get choked away through a combination of jayhawk sorcery, Tiger mismanagement and Big 12 officiating? In all honesty, I got that same feeling last year watching Mizzou’s College Football Playoff hopes get dashed last year in Columbia, South Carolina, when Luther Burden’s magical late-game touchdown was erased by the emergence of LaNorris Sellers. It was Connor Shaw and 2013 all over again.
But here’s the beautiful thing. When remakes aren’t bad? Oh, mama. They’re damn good.
Have you ever seen the original True Grit? It’s fine. My distaste for John Wayne largely stems from the bigotry and violence that lived in his heart, but I also think he was just an OK actor. Almost any good performance comes as a result of casting, mostly at the hands of the actually brilliant John Ford. And despite the reputation, I’ve never found any part of the original True Grit compelling. Which is why the Coen Brothers’ take on it in 2010 is such a soft-spot kind of movie for me. It takes the bones of something mediocre and fashions them into something compelling, stylized and, most importantly, fun.
You know what’s not fun? Watching John Wayne be racist for the 18th movie in a row. You know what is fun? Watching Jeff Bridges and baby Hailee Steinfeld bully Matt Damon.
You know what else is fun? Watching Mizzou turn the tables on LaNorris Sellers.
You have to admit, when the word started getting out that Sellers was going to start for the Gamecocks against Mizzou, that pit in your stomach opened up just a bit. Because even though the numbers made it clear who the better team was, they also point out which team had the future NFL quarterback and which one didn’t (at least not yet, I suppose.) As Sam wrote in his Pourover, the elite college quarterback is the great equalizer, and it was starting to feel like this “rivalry” was destined to swing one way while Sellers wore garnet and black. What is it about Gamecock quarterbacks with “S” names and Mizzou?
Thankfully, all of this turned out to be empty anxiety. Anyone who watched the game on Saturday night could’ve come away telling you who the better team was. The numbers said it. The time of possession said it. The total number of plays said it. For the fourth game in a row, Mizzou hammered their opponents from start to finish. Sellers had enough magic — and a handle on Mizzou’s “ridiculous” pass defense — to keep things close, but ultimately couldn’t repeat his heroics from last season. The best way to remake disappointing old story, if you’re asking me, is to write a new ending. At least in football terms, that’s a bit of stretch for our True Grit metaphor.
For righting history and giving us a much more enjoyable ending to our saga with LaNorris Sellers’ South Carolina, Mizzou gets 4 out of 5 Mayors Cups, which coincidentally is the same amount they have in the past five years!
