Upon hearing the news Sunday night, I texted my football frenemy Bookstore.
“Sayonara Brian Kelly.”
“So long F-Bomb.” The dude is often not subtle with his barbs.
“54 million. No problem. Three weeks in a
row big time coach fired,” replied moi.
“But not Kentucky or Wisconsin,” he retorted, citing his two alma maters, having shall we say even less than moderate success.
“I said big time.”
Mic Drop.
So this Tilt-A-Whirl of the coaching carousel continues to speed faster and faster. The casualties mount.
Penn State. Florida. LSU. On consecutive Sundays.
Plus all those other somewhat lessers. like Arkansas, Virginia Tech, Stanford et al.
Luke Fickell, be sure you have your phone on silence next Sunday at church.
As for Mark Stoops, I haven’t a clue how wobbly his chair might be. Just so he understands there’s an epidemic, and he’s especially susceptible. The only antidote: Big Ws on consecutive Saturdays.
(Remember please it wasn’t so long ago that those in charge at College Station wanted Stoops to mentor the Aggies. Until they were drowned out by all the fan pushback. They had to settle for second choice Mike Elko. A&M is undefeated and ranked #3. UK is 2-5 and the bottom feeder as in ofer the SEC.)
A&M AD Trev Alberts has to be relieved his predecessor was prodded into making a correct choice.
* * * * *
As for Kelly, well not an especially admirable trait for many of us, but there just seems to be a consensus of bemusement at his dismissal. Though he shall not be forced to applying for food stamps.
Especially since he apparently exited as contentiously as he berated his players and coaches on the sideline Saturday night when his Tigers gave up 35 straight after intermission. It is reported that Kelly and his AD got in a shouting match during a sit down Sunday afternoon. After which BK exited the building.
And in smile-inducing irony, Kelly’s last two defeats were to the aforementioned Elko and Clark Lea, both of whom served as DCs under Kelly at Notre Dame.
Such was the urgency along the bayou, the governor himself got involved. This is the stuff of he who became Willie Stark in the novel. Perhaps the guv and LSU AD should have said to Kelly, hey let’s go to Mosca’s for dinner and talk about the situation. Then, while crossing the Huey P to the Westbank, they could just push him over the side into the Mississippi.
Oh, it’s such a sweet story.
* * * * *
The total of buyouts for those big three firings — Tigers, Gators, Nittany Lions — a measly $124 million.
All in the name of bettering academia, understand.
Which got me to thinking about another moderately insufferable but also funny coach.
Lane Kiffin.
Currently roaming the sidelines in OxfordTown, he seems to be at the top of the Most Wanted list, at least at those two SEC universities.
Given the recent Cignetti salary increase, it’s hard to fathom what Kiffin might be worth?
Are the fat cats in Mississippi, say Calvin J. Candie or the Duff brothers, willing to cough up, oh, $14 million/year for a decade to keep the Rebels coach? How about their counterparts in Florida or Louisiana?
* * * * *
As for what happened on the gridiron itself, I’ll start with my alma mammy, J.M. Atherton High School.
Which juggernaut fashioned its fifth shutout beatdown in a row –sixth of season — this time over Iroquois 50-0.
Virginia remained undefeated in the ACC, winning its third consecutive game all in overtime. This W over the hapless North Carolina Belichick-Hudsons. Who came up a half yard short when going for dos and the win in OT1.
Which was not as close as Mizzou came on its last second Hail Mary to tie Vandy. Those Tigers came up about an inch short of the goal line.
I call them Program Wins. When a team of greater stature is behind to an underdog the whole game, but just sort of wills its way to victory, as the wannabe melts. So it came to pass when Alabama came back and overcame South Carolina, and Texas did the same to Cowbell State.
Coach Maybe Not So Primetime’s Colorado Buffalos were down 0-43 at the half, and succumbed meekly to the Utes, 7-53.
* * * * *
The Player of the Week is . . . Tyler Hwang.
The Vandy student nailed a 33 yard FG on Game Day — in his socks — and collected $500,000 from Pat McAfee.
McAfee, whom I have trouble abiding on his show, is however proving to be a mensch. If somebody who wears a tank top on national TV can be so designated? The former college punter also donated another $250,000 to charity, adding to the millions of his largesse he’s already pledged for good causes.
Good on him.
— c d kaplan
