Are you having fun?
Good for you. I’m not having fun. I hate it here.
(Not TheDreamShake. I love it here.)
The Rockets just have not felt fun in 2025-26. Consider this a safe space for complaining. There should be no Wizards fans in our ranks to point out that it could be worse.
Realistically, that’s the perspective we all need to maintain. As Rockets fans, we’re relatively lucky. In my all-time NBA franchise power rankings (wait, you don’t have a fluid all-time NBA franchise power ranking list?), we rank 8th.
That’s one spot ahead of the Pistons, who have one more title, but a far lower all-time win percentage. That’s the definitive criterion, and there can be no debate on the issue.
Anyway, in the midst of a disappointing Rockets season that comes in the midst of the potential collapse of Western Society that comes amidst rising sea levels, it’s a good time to reflect. So, this is my all-time Rockets Role Player Starting Five.
Caveat: It’s my starting five. That means it only includes players I personally watched, which limits the field to players who’ve been on the roster since 1998.
Yes, I know Mad Max or Robert Horry should be here. I simply can’t speak about them with the same sanguine sentimentality that I have for these guys.
With that out of the way…
All-Time Rockets Role Player Starting Five
PG: Patrick Beverley
Stop the count!
Beverley is likely my favorite guy who’ll appear on this list, although he’s got one competitor. On that note: When it comes to being competitive, Beverley had no competition*
*Besides the aforementioned one competitor.
Irritant? Look it up in the dictionary. There’s Beverley’s (expletive)-eating grin. He’s going to make you reconsider this whole NBA Superstar career path. Perhaps data entry could be rewarding.
Beverley is of a bygone era. There used to be more Patrick Beverleys in the NBA (shoutout to New Orleans’ Jose Alvarado), but none of them were ever as Beverley-ish as Beverley himself.
SG: Jon Barry
Full disclosure – this was the most difficult position to pick.
You see, back in the day, when kids respected their elders and, to have a camera phone, you’d have to superglue a camera to a phone, off-guards were seldom role players. In this newfangled world, it’s almost all they are.
Barry was neat. There’s some nostalgia in the idea of this humble-looking, balding white dude cashing triples. If Barry were at your local gym for pickup, you’d grab him last:
And you’d look very, very foolish.
SF: Shane Battier
There are effectively two ways to be an NBA role player. You can try harder than everyone. That’s the more conventional route. Alternatively, you can be an extracting genius who meticulously manages every detail of every moment to ensure the best possible outcome.
That was Shane Battier. He seldom gambled on defense. Instead, he literally innovated a technique for annoying opponents. Battier was surely the first guy to defend jumpers by sticking his hand in your face.
In fact, this dude had a precise method for guarding every opponent. If his assignment struggled going left, Battier would force him left. If he shot below average between 10-and-16 feet, that’s where he’d cede ground.
As long as you didn’t get what you wanted, Battier was happy.
PF: P.J. Tucker
So, about Beverley’s aforementioned competition…
The 2017-18 Rockets were the best Rockets I had the privilege of watching. If you were an active fan during the back-to-back runs, you likely already resent this article, and I already resent you, so we’re even.
Tucker was the heart and soul of those teams. He took every single basket the opposing team scored personally. Tucker’s defensive assignment was generally “everyone”. His ability to guard 1-through-5 was the lynchpin of the defense, but his willingness to do so was the secret sauce.
Loved the guy. How could you not? Loose balls, extra efforts, offensive rebounds. The little things. A beautifully chaotic, downright angry brand of basketball.
C: Dikembe Mutombo
The 2017-18 Rockets were the best team I ever watched, but the 2007-08 Rockets were close.
If the pattern holds, keep an eye on the 2027-28 season.
Those Rockets won an astonishing 22 games in a row. Yao Ming got injured partway through the streak, and it was presumed dead.
Luckily, a 41-year-old oak tree of a man was there to wave his finger in the face of fortune.
Mutumbo averaged 12.9 rebounds and 3.0 blocks per 75 possessions that season. Perhaps his productivity in Ming’s absence shouldn’t have been a surprise. Still, extrapolating per-possession numbers for a 41-year-old is a dangerous proposition:
But not in Mutombo’s case.
He did the same thing he’d done his whole career. Mutumbo altered the course of basketball games, whether he was scoring points or not. His battle-forged, next-man-up mentality couldn’t save the team’s title odds, but it did save their historic winning streak.
6th Man: Tari Eason
I couldn’t not include Eason. I could have slotted Battier to the 2, but then I wouldn’t get the Jon Barry jokes off. So, why not add a sixth man to the mix?
I’ve written on Eason ad nauseam. His combined ability to collect offensive rebounds and steal the ball secures the Rockets more extra possessions than an Exorcist bonus scene*
*Hold your applause.
Eason has endeared himself to lots of Rockets fans. The only questions are whether he can stay healthy and whether the team will retain him.
If the answers are both yes, he’ll be named in new versions of this article for decades to come.
