This Mariners season is all but mathematically dead and no one is happy. High expectations carry a hefty fallout. Rick Rizzs, the man who has called more Mariners games than anyone else not named Dave Niehaus, is hanging up his headphones and microphone in about 13 days. I wanted more for him out of this season than for any other reason. But, such is the life of a fan of a cosmically cursed and deeply silly baseball team. They even managed to ruin Bill Simmons’s fantasy baseball team, which almost
certainly means he lost money (If you’re unaware, he’s been crashing out about how bad the team has been all season via social media and his podcast. Why anyone would ever bet money on the literal Seattle Mariners is beyond my comprehension). So, there’s that, at least.
After the rage dissipates and the tears dry, there is one thing to look forward to: INSUFFERABLE OFFSEASON DISCOURSE.
Did I say look forward to? Well, your mileage may vary. How about offseason projections and planning? That sounds nicer, right? For this exercise, let’s go ahead and pretend that a strike isn’t looming. La la la, everything is fiiiiiiine in Labor Agreement Land, la la laaaa.
The first step in planning is choosing a direction to go and here are four options you can choose:
Option 1: Full tear down
“Nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.”
While rebuilding T-Mobile Park to get rid of swirling winds, brutal mid-day shadows, and fix whatever the hell is wrong with the batter’s eye isn’t an option any time soon, tearing down and rebuilding the Mariners roster is one possible option. If you choose this option, please specify whether Jerry Dipoto and Justin Hollander stay or go. Also, you can choose up to three (3) players to remain on the roster to anchor the rebuild. Everyone else must go.
Option 2: Soft rebuild
This option would involve moving two to three of the team’s top players (either in WAR or by payroll) and then using the returns to augment the soft rebuild or “reshuffling.”
Option 3: Keep the core and soldier on (AKA the 54% approach)
This has been the offseason approach since 2022 and
Option 4: Dealer’s choice
Don’t like any of the first three options? Let’s hear your own plan, boss!
Post your preferred option in the comments and detail your plans, either realistic or as pie-in-the-sky as you want. Let’s get innovative in the hopes that the Mariners will, too.
REMINDER!
Even though the Mariners are ass in a can, that doesn’t mean you should skip the annuaLL tradition like no other: The Fifth Annual TIM CANTU MemoriaLL SoftbaLL game this Sunday, Sept 20. We’ll start at 10 AM at Green Lake Ballfield 1 and then go “watch” the Mariners play the Rockies at 12:10 PM at Growler Guys on Lake City Way. Let’s have some actual fun playing some ball and then commiserate over this cursed season and also watch the Seahawks at 1:25 PM, I guess. You know Tim wouldn’t have it any other way. Well, the getting together part, that is. Not the Mariners being bad part.
See you then!
