Now that Halloween is upon us, and the Blazers embark on their first Emirates NBA Cup tournament game of the young 2025-26 season, let’s take a moment to have some fun with a little mashup of the two.
If the Blazers were movie monsters, who would they be? Here are my answers. Share yours in the comments below!
Deni Avdija is Jason Vorhees. Let’s kick it off with some slashing star power! Just as Deni grabs a rebound and turbos coast to coast slashing, gashing, and smashing his way to the hoop, so does Jason with his relentless pursuit of an And-1 kill. Albeit, comparing the speed of the two, it’s a bit of a tortoise and hare story. However, even if Jason moves at the speed of Ray Felton after a donut binge, his efficiency once the machete comes down is incredible. Both Deni and Jason are 60% + in TS (True Slashing..errr, Shooting).
Jrue Holiday is Freddy Krueger. At 35, and with many worried he might be left for dead, Jrue is in peak puppet master form as he lulls defenses to sleep, and then starts slicing and dicing in any capacity he sees fit. Offense or defense it doesn’t matter. Remember when Johnny Depp fell asleep and was sucked into his waterbed? That was Jrue last night with the world’s simplest ball fake pass that sent Kessler and Markkenen flying to the 3 point line, while Freddy Jrueger, walked into a practice level layup off his knife fingers.
Shaedon Sharpe is the Frankenstein Monster. You might say Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde might be a better comparison. Yet Dr. Jekyll was a learned man in the physiological sciences. He was wildly ambitious. Young Shaedon has yet to truly demonstrate his desire for greatness. I say Sharpe resembles Frankie because he has freakish, some might say unnatural, abilities. He struggles with decision making and really needs to lean on an elder for advice and guidance. Sometimes he’s just a monster who can destroy most anything in his path. Other times he seems to cower, and want to hide from everything and everyone. When he shows up, you don’t know if you’re getting the ‘Hulk Smash’ monster, or a Hello Kitty backpack.
Toumani Camara is Pinhead from Hellraiser. Once you open the box, well, it’s all she wrote. In you go, only to face eternal pain and burning anguish. Or simply being in a continual loop of being defended by Camara all 94ft.
Matisse Thybelle is Dracula. He nonchalantly puts players into a trance only to strip them of some blood or the basketball.
Jerami Grant is Van Helsing. Be it crossbow or boomstick, my man likes to shoot!! Also known for signature outfits.
Blake Wesley is Ghostface. That dude can infiltrate anything. Your house, your closet, the inside of your jersey while you’re wearing it. Then he creates utter chaos when he reveals himself.
Damian Lillard is The Mummy. He might be under heavy wraps now, but watch him return from the dead!
Yang Hansen is the teen who left the group at the campfire to go grab something in the cabin, and chose not to use a flashlight on the heavily wooded walk back.
Robert Williams the Third is unfortunately, The Invisible Man.
So tonight, as darkness falls across the land
and the 7 o’clock hour is at hand,
Open up your Reese’s, KitKats and every other treat
and may the Blazers make the Nuggets smell their feet.
