One of the oldest adages in golf is that they don’t put pictures on the score card. That is, you can hit a beautiful drive, a perfect six iron to within five feet of the pin, and then two putt for a par. You’ll get the same score for your perfectly played hole as the person who hooks it off the tee into the woods, skims it off a pine tree chipping back into the fairway, thins a pitch off a bunker rake and onto the fringe of the green, then sinks an improbable 28 foot par putt. This week in the SEC
included a lot of the latter but not much of the former. But again, if it’s about putting tick marks in the win column (albeit unconvincingly) most everyone who was supposed to in fact did.
Alabama: The Tide once again look like the Tide, just in time to come to Athens.
Arkansas: I’m not sure how much longer Arkansas’s decision makers will be okay with almost winning the close ones.
Auburn: Pulled out a 31-15 win against the University of South Alabama, which is weird because I thought that Auburn was the university that has been forced to serve south Alabama.
Florida: Look, I’ve been a fan of DJ Lagway ever since we were calling him Quincy Carter.
Georgia: As Winston Churchill put it, “there exists no more exhilarating sensation than to be shot at, and missed.”
Kentucky: May have found their quarterback of the future, who it turns out probably isn’t seventh year senior Zach Calzada.
LSU: If every quarterback on their schedule going forward throws five picks this team just might be okay.
Mississippi State: If you’d told people that going into week four of the season we’d be talking about “the undefeated Mississippi State Bulldogs” you’d have almost certainly gotten yourself drug tested.
Oklahoma: John Mateer is spiritually the most Auburn quarterback in college football right now, and I’m A little worried that him going to Auburn this weekend may open up some sort of portal best left closed.
Ole Miss: Somehow I don’t think “still slightly better than Arkansas” is what Ole Miss boosters thought they were buying.
Missouri: The Tigers ran for 427 yards in a rout over the Louisiana Ragin’ Cajuns because apparently this “old man football” thing actually works.
South Carolina: Can you imagine being a South Carolina football fan and actually expecting good things in this life, no of course not, me neither.
Tennessee: Whatever you personally call the supreme being of the universe, you have to admit it’s sort of comforting to know that it hates that sickening shade of orange, too.
Texas: I repeat, you burnt orange sapsuckers owe Quinn Ewers an apology right dang now.
Texas A&M: Imagine being a Notre Dame fan sitting there watching Texas A&M’s yell squad dance around shrieking “Chig-gar-roo-gar-rem! Chig-gar-roo-gar-rem! Rough Tough! Real Stuff! Texas A&M!” and thinking I can’t believe we were outplanned and outprepared by……this.”
Vanderbilt: In the nearly twenty year history of this site we have told a lot of jokes, a few exaggerations, but never, ever any lies:
Go ‘Dawgs!!!
