For as long as I can remember I’ve been afraid of dying. Not death. But dying. I understand that everyone dies but my own death has always haunted me. I remember being 7 or 8 years old, sharing a room with my older brother, lying awake thinking about what happens when you die. For many of you reading this you have a faith that tells you that after you die you go to an afterlife whether that be heaven or something else. Perhaps you believe in reincarnation. I’ve never had such a strong faith. I want
to believe that after you die there’s a nice place waiting for all of us who did our best to try to live a good life, but I don’t know that and I don’t have proof of that and so I’ve always been afraid of that unknown. So, what do you do with that fear? Well, I think what I’ve found is that I need to live my life the best I can while also doing what I can to make life for those around me a little bit better.
Like a lot of people I spend time wondering about if I’ll be remembered and if so how I’ll be remembered. For me, my best bet to truly be remembered will be by those around me. I’m not famous. I’ve not accomplished anything of great renown that will be in the history books. There’s nothing in my life that an outsider would look at and determine that it’s worth it to pass on to their children who didn’t know me. Now, before you all start feeling sad for me, I love my life, I’m not saying I’m sad or depressed or anything like that. What I’m saying is I live a fairly normal life. That’s not a bad thing.
Sports are a thing that mean a lot to me. I enjoy watching them. I enjoy playing them. I cover them here on Hammer and Rails and on the Boiler Alert podcast. Because of sports I’ve been given probably the most incredible opportunities of my life. I covered Purdue’s Sweet 16 and Elite Eight games in Detroit last year. I sat on the floor to watch Purdue advance to the Final Four for the first time since 1980. I was able to talk with Matt Painter while he was still on the floor. I still have the audio on my phone. I was able to see Zach Edey hug Gene Keady and give him part of the net from Detroit. I went to Phoenix and celebrated the season with thousands of Purdue fans and covered Purdue’s Final Four victory and then the loss against UConn. Those are moments I’ll never forget. This season I covered a football game at Notre Dame Stadium. I’ve covered a Big Ten Championship game with Purdue in it. I’ve covered three Big Ten Tournaments. These are things most people don’t get to do and I don’t take them for granted. Maybe it’s because I spend so much time covering and following sports that the recent death of Rondale Moore has hit me so hard.
From an outside perspective, Rondale Moore seemed to have it all. Listed at only 5’7”, just one inch taller than me, he was able to build his body to squat 600 pounds while weighing just 180 pounds. He honed his body to take advantage of every ounce of talent and skill that he possessed. His time at Purdue was like lightning in a bottle. Every time he touched the ball he was electric. You never knew if he was going to take the ball to the house. As Ohio State fans, and players, will tell you, Rondale Moore was hard to bring down. He had strong legs and a desire to push it to the limit. That Ohio State game, the Tyler Trent game, the DJ Knox game, the Rondale Moore game, that’s worth remembering. That’s a game that Purdue fans, Ohio State fans, and just college football fans generally will never forget. That night in October saw the whole of the college football world key in on a 3-3 Purdue team as they attempted to take down the #2 ranked Buckeyes with a cancer stricken and struggling Tyler Trent in the pressbox having predicted a victory. We all know what happened. Moore had 12 catches for 170 yards and 2 touchdowns on the way to a 49-20 victory for the Boilermakers. A moment of renown that will live on as long as Purdue and college football live on. A moment that no one could have scripted. A moment that fans will look back on and smile at for years in the future and beyond.
We also know what happened to Rondale Moore last month. Rondale Moore died of an apparent self inflicted gun shot wound. A death at just 25 after years of struggle with injuries in the NFL. A career not yet over but certainly stunted after suffering leg injuries that take time, patience, and plenty of hard work to come back from. A nightmare for those that loved him and a shock to the world of Purdue fans. It’s a reminder about the fragility of everything around us and the need to be kind to those around you. One truly never knows what someone is going through and this has been a stark reminder of that. I cannot fathom how difficult it was to see something that he had worked so hard for taken away from his through no fault of his own. His body betrayed him with injuries and made that goal that he’d worked for his whole life almost unattainable. Just when he thought he’d worked his way back another injury came along. The mental toll that must have taken was monumental. And now, he’s gone and the world is a little darker for it. His 1,000 watt smile won’t light up any more rooms and he will make no more highlights for us to enjoy. Before Purdue’s loss to Michigan State this past week Purdue held a moment of silence in Moore’s honor. At the end, a Purdue student yelled out “I love you Rondale!” and that love will remain. The highlights will remain. The legacy will remain. Rondale Moore will remain.
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues please call or text 988 for assistance. If you don’t feel comfortable with that reach out to a loved one or friend. There’s always something worth living for. You’re worth it I promise.
