“You need to be more stoic!”
That was Mrs L’s verdict after I set off on another rant about The Xhaka Saga. She’s probably right, then I thought to myself that I wasn’t entirely sure what “stoic” really meant beyond “get a grip”. So, I did what any self-respecting obsessive would do — I looked it up.
Good timing as well, as England in the World Cup is stressing me out, never mind the situation at Sunderland.
What I found was older than I expected and closer to home than I expected.
Stoicism is a 2,000
year-old philosophy shaped by the likes of Marcus Aurelius (who sounds like an Italian footballer), Epictetus (which sounds like a medical complaint) and Seneca (which sounds like a solution for constipation). Funny names but evidently great thinkers….
Stoicism’s core principle is so simple that even I can get it. Focus on what you can control, accept what you cannot and don’t let the rest own you.
Simples…then an uncomfortable thought emerged. Have I and my fellow Sunderland supporters been ‘Stoics’ all along? I looked deeper into the core principles and consolidated them to the following five.
1. Control what you can and accept that which you can’t
Chelsea is circling like a vulture and the fact that I’m dipping into Facebook and X every five minutes for the latest updates and ‘opinions’, hoping Granit Xhaka will refute the whole thing…well, it isn’t helping me.
Am I spending too much emotional energy on something I can’t influence? Yes. Of course I am. So, the ‘stoic’ me would say, “Que sera, sera. Stop it, man. Step away. Let it go”.
That’s easier said than done, but I’m going to try harder.
2. Success is not measured by outcomes — it’s measured by character
I clearly can’t control whether Xhaka stays or goes.
Sunderland can’t fully navigate the market they way they want to, especially if the right offer comes in at the wrong time — no club can. What the club can do is control its response and I think they’ve been exactly right so far: calm, unpanicked and robust.
No theatre. Just a clear stance. Sometimes dignity is louder than noise, and I’m going to be a stronger character.
3. Amor Fati
Not a B-side by Bad Manners but another Stoic principle. It translates as “love your fate”.
Not endurance and not resignation — just an acceptance so complete it’s part of you. I tried to get my head round it….things like standing in the Fulwell End on a wet Tuesday night, the relegations, the League One experiences, the string of Wembley defeats, taking Mrs L to 4-5 v Coventry…the list goes on.
At the time, they felt like emotional ruptures, but now those events feel like they are formative, part of growing up.
Without them, there’s no identity, no moments of pure elation — enter Ian Porterfield, Dan Ballard and Tommy Watson. So, I’m going to concentrate on being more amor fati. If Xhaka goes, he goes, and it’s another chapter.
If he stays, I’ll keep calm, but either way, Sunderland and I’ll crack on regardless.
4. Memento Mori
I bet a night out with the Stoics was a barrel of laughs…not! This means “Remember you will die”.
Perhaps it’s more about calibration — life is short and attention is precious. Don’t waste time on things that don’t move the needle on the gauge. In football terms, enjoy what’s going on, even the tense bits…especially the tense bits.
So, I’m thinking I’m going to try and enjoy the Xhaka saga. It’s part of life and being alive. Well, I’ll try.
5. Premeditation Malorum
Now, then. Aurelius may have been prophetically talking about Sunderland without thinking about it.
He said that you should mentally prepare for difficulties before they arrive. “Contingency planning”, I suppose, in modern parlance. The Xhaka situation is annoying and inconvenient. But if he was injured, the club would have to respond and adapt.
Great clubs — and we want to be one again — absorb situations like this and adjust.
Kyril Louis-Dreyfus and the recruitment team already seem to be working to this principle. A five-year plan, succession plans, contingencies, and options. No fear — just structure and process. So, I’m putting my trust in them to work through this.
Researching stoicism has helped me.
It’s quietened some of the noise. It’s stopped me sticking my nose into my mobile as regularly and it’s reminded me to have faith and confidence in our leadership group. Xhaka is still captain; we’re still preparing for a second stint in the Premier League and the European nights are real.
But here’s where I part company with the likes of Aurelias when it comes to football.
The Stoics distrust hope and they twin it with fear. Both are dependent on outcomes we can’t control. So it’s better to stand clear of both. For me, football (and supporting Sunderland, especially) doesn’t work like that.
Hope is the point.
It’s hoping Enzo Le Fée will put the best ever corner into the box in the last seconds of the playoff semi-final. It’s hoping that VAR stops what would’ve been the second Sheffield United ‘goal’. It’s hoping we stay up. It’s hoping we clinch European football against Chelsea on the last day of the season. It’s hoping Xhaka stays.
So, the first test comes with England versus Mexico. Will Mrs L see a new stoic me? Almost, I suspect.
I’ll try, but I can’t help hoping that we win.
