Whether you want word association, half-assed attempts at understanding what it is a Kennesaw State is, or an overwhelming sense of ennui toward college football, this preview has it all.
First, Jesse,
good afternoon. Long time, no talk.
Jesse:
Wait, do I still work here? Am… am I a real person? IS THIS ALL A SIMULATION?Oh, uh, sorry about that. Yeah, so here we are… Bowl Season. I guess it’s too late for me to opt out like I need time to interview for the Giants head coaching job…
Anyhow, good times. Glad to be here. Let’s do this.
Second: how are you feeling about college football these days? We’re both men of a certain age, each with two kids and a white-collar(ish) job that means we’re perhaps less attached to college football and our respective schools than we have been at other points in life.
Jesse: I mean, look… Am I happy Nebraska made a bowl, decided that they should fire a bunch of coaches, somehow spent a bunch of money on NIL, and recruited the 1000th best class in football? Yes? Wait, what was the question? My children are running around like crazy people and singing Golden. I can’t follow along.
OK, so…I mean…we still care about bowl games though, right?
Jesse: Well… I watched parts of one tonight, so I guess so. But the reality is that like, I sort of miss the old bowl system? I was talking to a friend at work just last week about how stupid this all is and how much I miss just having a bunch of glorious end of year exhibitions. Were there too many? I don’t know. But it wasn’t corporate as hell and stupid. I swear to god if one more decision is made about money…
Yes, to be clear: there are not “too many” bowl games. There are too many College Football Playoff teams and too much emphasis on one singular, contrived end-of-season made-for-TV event rather than made-for-players or made-for-fans entertainment. The bowl games are not the problem; the problems are found in an out-of-control landscape that only serves to benefit the wealthiest few and the Indianas who manage to escape the crab bucket. The Paul’s Tires Sarsaparilla Soda Bowl is hardly the issue.
Jesse: Exactly! I want more bowls sponsored by more ridiculous companies believing that so long as people are talking about your brand, it’s all good. I’m legitimately mad we don’t have like, a See’s Candy Bowl or something. I’m ranting… what are we talking about?
So, shall we preview them?
I like it, let’s do this damn thing. I think our watchability should be PopTarts who have actually gotten the assignment. Five out of Five Pop Tarts means you know what the hell you’re doing, team agnostic. We can preview it as something like:
Okay then, we’re going to go ahead and preview all of the bowls left starting with an OTE classic: The Word Association. Then you can add any thoughts you have which is probably a terrible idea, but when has that stopped either of us… begging a serious question of how either of us have gotten this much airtime over the last decade.
And uh, when we’re done, we’ll each rate the watchability of these amazing bowls by rating x out of 5 Pop-Tarts. Why? Well, one, because pop tarts are delicious. Two, because that’s maybe the only bowl who has continually understood the assignment.
IS4S Salute to Veterans Bowl
Troy Trojans vs. Jacksonville State Gamecocks
Tuesday, Dec. 16 | 8pm | ESPN | Troy -2 | O/U 48.5
Cramton Bowl (Montgomery, AL)
MNW: [/salutes]
Jesse: #BAMA
Jesse: I literally didn’t realize that Jacksonville State was in Alabama, but that’s cool. Also, it’s hilarious to me that RichRod left this amazing situation to get murdered by a bunch of okay-to-mediocre Big XII teams. I don’t really know enough about Troy but they’re favored, and I can only imagine that’s because of some weird “I have entered the transfer portal” voodoo. My watchability is 3 out of 5 Pop Tarts because both teams had a chance to win their conference title and might just try to finish strong.
MNW: I don’t know that at any point here it occurred to me that both these teams were from Alabama. If you asked me, I could definitely tell you that both were; however, I would never have put it together that this was a legitimately interesting bowl matchup.
I’ll put this at 2.5/5 Pop Tarts—but something relatively interesting, like Hot Fudge Sundae—because of the in-state angle.
Also, every time I see the IS4S sponsor, I think it’s ISIS sponsoring a bowl game. And I am on board with the general idea.
StaffDNA Cure Bowl
Old Dominion Monarchs vs. South Florida Bulls
Wednesday, Dec. 17 | 4pm | ESPN | USF -2.5 | O/U 53.5
Camping World Stadium (Orlando, FL)
MNW: Ancestry.com Cure Bowl?
Jesse: StaffDNA sounds like a place that would steal your DNA data and sell it to the lowest bidder. Finding out it’s literally a staffing company is somehow 100x worse.
MNW: A virtual home game for the Bulls against a team I would posit was a largely-fraudulent or -untested Sun Belt club. I’m sure it’ll be fine.
Jesse: Yes, but you’re forgetting that USF doesn’t really have a true head coach for this game. I read that ODU doesn’t have a Quarterback either. God this is all a mess.
MNW: The only enduring things I remember about the Cure Bowl—(1) everybody’s wearing pink for the cancer cure angle, and (2) Andy Grammer sang what was one of the saddest concerts I think I’ve seen at a bowl game in an early iteration of this bowl. Who, Jesse, is the perfectly-stereotypical “But…why?” halftime artist for a game like this?
Jesse: Florida-Georgia Line
MNW: …OK yeah, fine. I’ll put this at 1.5 Pop Tarts. But not the good ones. Like, strawberry or something.
68 Ventures Bowl
Louisiana Ragin’ Cajuns vs. Delaware Fightin’ Blue Hens
Wednesday, Dec. 17 | 7:30pm | ESPN | LA -3 | O/U 62.5
Hancock Whitney Stadium (Mobile, AL)
MNW: my fetish
Jesse: The hell is 68 Ventures?
Jesse: I cannot say I’ve watched either Louisiana or Delaware this year, but sign-me-up for recently promoted FBS teams trying to show they belong by sporting a 6-6 record and playing in Mobile! Give me the Ragin’ Cajuns.
BACK TO 68 VENTURES!
Let me start with a quote: “No matter what life throws at us, we keep showing up. Fearless in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire, with an unwavering determination to do and become better.
They also 1000% named their company after Jaromir Jagr. Oh, and they donated a crap-ton of money to Tommy Tuberville. Every new thing I read – which is basically that they’re a cut-rate Blackstone, but in Alabama, and with less cool developments and shady backroom dealings – makes me dislike them. I hope they lose a lot of money on this bowl. Oh, and this is still 3 out of 5 Pop Tarts. Gimme that Sun Belt on CUSA crime all day. Louisiana 42-17.
MNW: Oh this is almost 4 Pop Tarts for me. Delaware loved playing some goddamn shootouts in 2025, and I’m not sure they’re actually legally eligible for bowl games, so let’s just get weird.
Is this reaction mostly my way of avoiding the 68 Ventures bullshit you shared above? Jesus, is it ever. That is some horrifying stuff.
Xbox Bowl
Missouri State Bears vs. Arkansas State Red Wolves
Thursday, Dec. 18 | 8pm | ESPN2 | ARSt -1.5 | O/U 54.5
Ford Center at the Star (Frisco, TX)
MNW: SINCE WHEN
Jesse: FCS FIGHT
Jesse: First off, I realize Arkansas State has not been a FCS school for a while, but I contend that this feels like a FCS playoff game. Second, are we just gonna let it slide by that this is the remains of the Bahamas bowl? And we’ve moved it to the Dallas Cowboys’ Practice Stadium? In Suburb Hell? A week before Christmas? We’re not? Cool. Sidenote, from rudimentary research, it seems that there are 17 high school stadiums in Texas at or above the capacity of that stupid thing. Just in case you were curious.
So what do I know about these teams… Not much. Butch Jones getting to three straight bowls is cool for him I guess? Also kinda messed up that Missouri State loses its coach, but such is life. Fun fact: The three bowls Missouri State have been to prior to the Xbox Bowl, the Missouri-Kansas Bowl (real on the nose), The Mineral Water Bowl (twice!), and the Pecan Bowl. Let’s go 1 out of 5 Pop Tarts, mainly because the Xbox Bowl is a terrible name for a bowl and Frisco is a terrible place for a bowl.
MNW: So I had always thought that the Ford Center at the Star was where, like, the C-USA (or the Sun Belt or AAC, who the fuck cares) played its conference basketball tournament. But this is somewhere different? Or maybe the same? And also possibly Jerry Jones-adjacent?
Fuck it, that’s just messy enough to work. 3 Pop Tarts, and something ridiculous like Chocolate Chip Cookie Doug.
Myrtle Beach Bowl
Kennesaw State Owls vs. Western Michigan Broncos
Friday, Dec. 19 | 10am | ESPN | WMU -3.5 | O/U 49.5
Brooks Stadium (Conway, SC)
MNW: WEIRD TEAMS, WEIRD TURF
Jesse: Palmetto Trees are cool.
Jesse: Kennesaw State being a 10 win team is wild, right? With the exception of getting destroyed by Indiana, they’ve been good all year. Western Michigan as a 9 win team is also crazy considering I saw Illinois and Michigan State sort of not need much to beat them. I’m going to be honest, I’m watching this on vibes, but I like that there’s a good chance at least half the good players will be in the Big Ten next year so that’s nice. 4 out of 5 Pop Tarts!
MNW: Yeah, and better yet? I’m done teaching/proctoring exams at 12:15pm on Thursday. Correct for my commute home and some bar trivia (hosting) on Thursday night, and I’m stirring myself from a hungover stupor on Friday just in time to watch this shit.
AND IT’S HOT NONSENSE, JESSE.
Why is Kennesaw State a thing? I DON’T KNOW. How is Western Michigan even remotely decent with their CFL-ass logo, when I’m fairly certain their best win of the year is…
…Jesus, Jesse, what’s their best win of the year?!?!?!?!? Is it really the home win over Ohio or the neutral-site win over Miami? That is bleak, man. That’s some awful shit. They’re ass.
3.5 out of 5 Pop Tarts, but Owls by a million. HOOT HOOT.
Union Home Mortgage Gasparilla Bowl
Memphis Tigers vs. NC State Wolfpack
Friday, Dec. 19 | 1:30pm | ESPN | NCSt -5.5 | O/U 58.5
Raymond James Stadium (Tampa, FL)
MNW: RIP Trop 🙁
Jesse: CANNON FIRE
Jesse: Wait, does Memphis have a coaching staff for this game? Why is this a consistent theme? I’m sure someone actually knows, but that feels like it’s gonna be a problem against NC State. I really haven’t spent enough time poring over rosters to know who stayed or left for Arkansas, but I’m guessing this is one of those things where one team has a plan and one does not. Sorry Tigers. Let’s go 1 out of 5 Pop Tarts. Maybe 1.5 if they’ll fire the cannons at Raymond James.
MNW: Remember when the Gasparilla Bowl was the quintessential “what the fuck?” game played by a C-USA and Sun Belt team at Tropicana Field? REMEMBER WHEN IT WAS FUN?!
Anyway. I’m sure this game will be fine. Dave Doeren feels like he’s made his career on beating shit-ass teams like “Memphis with most of their coaches gone.” So give me 2 Pop Tarts and the Pack by about 14.
College Football Playoff – 1st Round
#9 Alabama Crimson Tide at #8 Oklahoma Sooners
Friday, Dec. 19 | 7pm | ABC/ESPN | Bama -1 | O/U 40.5
MNW: who cares?
Jesse: I hope this game sucks
MNW: Part of the annoyance for me this bowl season comes with the playing of the LA Bowl on December 13: first, Washington-Boise was a good matchup on paper that didn’t deserve to be that far up in the schedule, but second, that this weekend—which should be chock-full of shitty games in tertiary Southern micropolitan areas!—is devoted to nothing but the Be All End All of College Sports: the fucking College Football Playoff and a matchup of two SEC teams who, I would bet, have already played at some point this season. Any idea who won that game?
Jesse: A rant, if I may… I understand that we can’t – or shouldn’t – punish Alabama for making its championship game, but if that’s true… then let’s just not have the damn things? Follow-up, if you lost to Florida State (bad) then you should have an anchor around your neck that basically only winning out would cure.
Getting to play what is essentially a revenge tour game against an opponent who needed everything to beat you the first time is very stupid. I don’t want to punish Alabama for losing to Georgia, I want to punish them for losing to Florida State.
0 out of 5 Pop Tarts. I hope to ignore this travesty of a game.
Jesse: Well… This has been delightful! I’m gonna go toast some Pop-Tarts and see if I can get tickets to the Xbox bowl. Good times had by all.
