Their knock is like nobody’s else’s. Especially at 1:39 in the morning.
The polizei I’m talking about.
Sure enough, when I answered, there was police badge 714 staring me in the face.
“Mr. K, I’m Detective
Joe Friday. This is my sidekick, Officer Bill Gannon.
“Our Fraud squad has been alerted by someone who identified himself only as Glorious Editor that were preparing an article making claims that seemed felonious.
“That you were going to post an article, claiming to have correctly predicted last weekend’s college football games.”
I was aghast. My boss had actually called in the gendarmes. That an officer of the law was at my door and had a backup behind him, his hand resting on a .38 Smith & Wesson Model 15.
This is what it’s come to.I’m Rodney Dangerfield in his mind.
Where’s the faith?.
I stammered.
Friday interjected.
“All we want are the facts.”
Friday: : “Do you pick Vanderbilt to beat Missouri?
“Yes, the score was 17-10.”
“Did you pick BYU to beat Iowa State?
“Yes, the score was 41-27.”
“Did you pick Indiana to beat UCLA?”
“Yes, the score was 56-6.”
“Did you pick Tennessee to beat Kentucky?”
“Yes, the score was 56-34.”
“Did you pick Louisville to beat Boston College?”
“Yes, the score was 38-24.”
“Officer Gannon, are those correct numbers? Did you check to see if K actually made those predictions?”
“Yes, sir, on both counts.”
“Mr. K, sorry to bother you so late. We were told to check it out immediately prior to Wednesday afternoon. We shall advise Fraud to close the investigation.”
My sphincter loosened.
What I go through for an editor, who obviously still has no faith, despite a previous proclamation of same.
It would appear, unlike Franklin, Napier and Kelly, I still have the same gig for another week at least.
The 5-0 perfecto raises my tally to 36-19 for the year.
This weekend’s winners:
Tulane @ Texas San Antonio. What about this game intrigues me? That Green Wave coach Jon Sumrall is on the Most Wanted List, not far behind Lane Kiffin. And that he’s a former player and coach at UK. And his first act when getting the job at Troy was making sure there was enough peanut butter in the facility. (I eat p-nut butter on apples every morning with my cuppa.) Plus said dudes from St. Charles are legitimately among the G5 hopefuls for the CFP. UTSA is 3-4, but their L to A&M was reasonably respectable. The spirit of the Alamo won’t supply enough beep beep for the Roadrunners. Green Wave in a close one.
Vanderbilt @ Texas. This is the most fascinating battle on the card. The Commodores are Flavor o’ the Month. The Longhorns have been wheezing, but most keep expecting them to put it together and play like they were supposed to before the season. Diego Pavia vs. Arch Manning. Maybe, if the latter escapes concussion protocol, better than he has oncoming rushers breaching the “wall” from his OL. Is Vandy the real deal? I dunno. But I’m goin’ with ’em anyhow.
Cincinnati @ Utah. The only time I paid much attention to the Utes, they were getting gobsmacked by Texas Tech. Then last week they throttled Colorado 53-7. Will the real Bee Staters please stand up. Meanwhile Coach Visor’s Bearcats are one of the country’s surprise teams. Positively speaking. 7-1 but no startling Ws. Satterfield has a history of losing games during the season he oughta win. It happens again. Utah.
Indiana @ Maryland. Until proven otherwise, I remain hopeless smitten with the Eleven Million Dollar Man. A guy who never takes his foot off the accelerator. Hoosiers.
Kentucky @ Auburn. The Cats competed arguably better last time out against the Vols. Despite giving up 56 and losing by three scores. The nation’s wags can’t seem to make up their minds how precarious Mark Stoops’ situation is in the Bluegrass. The BBN is wondering whether the Crafts will cough up the buyout? I’ve heard they gave the same answer to AD Barnhart as when he asked for moolah to can Calipari. No! Auburn has not exactly been a juggernaut, losing four league games in succession before besting Bobby NeckBrace last time out. Hugh Freeze is in not the most secure of situations. Home crowd helps the Plainsmen prevail.
Louisville @ Virginia Tech. I have learned my lesson. I shall not pick against the Cardinals again. At least, this season. Cardinals.
— c d kaplan
