Time: 7:10 Central
Weather: Increasing chance of sky water, 79°
Opponent’s SB site: Viva El Birdos
TV: Twins TV. Radio: Do you have batteries for yours in case of emergency? DO YOU?
You’ll be forgiven if today’s Cards starter, Kyle Leahy, sounds like one of those guys the Twins had for like eight days in 2021. Nope, he was drafted by the Cards in 2018, and converted full-time to a starter this season. For now, the Cards are using a six-man rotation, and Leahy’s at the back end of it. His fastball sits at around 94, down a tick from when he was a reliever. He throws about 60% offspeed pitches, and has a lot of “extension,” meaning (I think) that his best skill is batters have
a teensy bit less time to pick up which pitch he’s using.
Sadly, I must introduce you to the “Tarps Off” trend that’s been happening in St. Louis.
What it is is this:
Sigh.
Yes, this is a thing that’s been happening in right field at Cardinals games this season. A bunch of guys take off their shirts (or don’t wear them to begin with). Some wave the shirts like rally towels. They call themselves the “Tarps Off” fans.
Per MLB.com’s Max Ralph, this trend started in college football, which makes sense because college football is one of the dumbest things on the planet. (Let’s take an institution devoted to higher learning and have it play a sport that causes massive brain damage.)
I suppose this is essentially harmless fan idiocy, so I shouldn’t complain. But wowza, am I sick of the whole “dude bro let guys be guys” thing; I’ve been sick of it my whole dang life. (And I realize baseball’s signature move is crotch adjustment.)
Also, it’s easy to take your shirt off and show that pasty white-a** chest nobody wanted to see when a bunch of other people are doing it. Yet I will credit this guy:
That’s Bryce Bradford, one of the Tarps Off bunch, letting his Dad Bod hang out there for all the world to see (or, what will be a Dad Bod when he has kids in a few years. Maybe he does now, I dunno). That takes a little more guts, don’t you think?
And worthy of the former Cards great, Nick Punto. Who earned himself the nickname of “Shredder.” Because he shredding opposing pitchers with his fearsome swatting stick?
Naw, folks. He got the nickname because, after walk-off wins, or just any moment when he felt suitably Pumped Up, Nick Punto would go up to other Cards players and start ripping their jerseys apart. The ones they were wearing as clothes.
If you like, you can see a TubeYous example here, but it’s less visually interesting than it sounds. You’re better off reading Jason Hill’s account at Viva El Birdos here. Go Shredder Go.
What do you remember about the 1987 Twins/Cardinals World Series? I don’t remember a thing, I wasn’t watching it. But former Blog Pope myjah summoned 10 weird facts about the Series you may not have known, like the time someone threw a bizarre little paper plane onto the field. Very fun post.
Do the Cardinals want free taxpayer money? Of course they do. They might get part of the money that’s prolly gonna be handed out to the Royals. You know, the money which voters rejected in a referendum. The Cards might get $380 million of it. Neil deMause has you covered as usual.
Last week, I mentioned that Some Guy from the Twins was trying to sell me super-premium tickets because I was given tickets in a spendy seating area by one neighbor for one game. Well, the same guy emailed me again:
Hello James,
I’ve reached out a few times to share details about our $3,000 Choice Membership and how we can get you discounted tickets in our Thrivent Club. I understand if now isn’t the best time to connect, and I want to be respectful of your schedule.
Before I pause my outreach, I wanted to highlight another option. Since you’ve enjoyed some of our premier offerings at Target Field, you might be interested in our private suites available for single-game rentals. Additionally, our upcoming calendar is packed with exciting single game ticket promotions, giveaways, and events happening all summer long – Check out single game ticket opportunities here!
Thank you so much for your time and have a wonderful day!
CJ
You have a wonderful day too, CJ!
Finally — wuz you ever bit by a dead bee?
That’s the line Walter Brennan keeps repeating in the Bogart/Bacall classic To Have and Have Not, a movie which solves the problem of “how do you film Hemingway’s worst novel” by chucking the novel’s plot entirely. When Brennan asks Bacall about the dead bee, she suggests biting it back, and wins Brennan’s approval thusly.
Well, I wuz bit by a dead bee. Kind of.
The other day, I was outside, and I felt something go into the back of my shirt through the neckhole. There were box elder bugs flying around, and they won’t hurt you, so I just shook myself around a little and figured it was gone. Then came inside and headed for the bathroom.
As I started removing my pants, I felt a major stinging sensation on my butt, and then I saw there was a wasp in my boxer shorts. It was dazed, yet not dazed enough that it couldn’t sting me in the a**. I immediately got it to the floor and squished it, of course. I try not to kill God’s creatures, but wasps are Satan’s.
The thing was? I was hesitant about going to the bathroom the rest of the day. Even though I didn’t go back outside, I just remembered the sight of finding a wasp in my boxers, and it made me Spooked.
If you’re gonna get stung by a wasp, though, that’s probably the best place for it. On the fleshy part of yer butt. What really stinks is getting a wasp sting on your knuckles, or someplace ELSE in your boxers.
Possibility of getting a wasp sting in the Metrodome? Practically zero. Possibility of getting one in the seats CJ keeps wanting me to buy? Larger than zero. I’ll take my Dome memories, thank you very much.
