The “Crash! Bang! Wallop! Award” For Most Spectacular Goal
Winner: Chemsdine Talbi
A strong list of options here, ranging from Nick Woltemade’s defensive header gone wrong to Chris Rigg’s sumptuous curler at Aston Villa and Brian Brobbey’s hooked finish against Arsenal, but who doesn’t love a long-ranger that thwacks off the crossbar and leaves an opposition goalkeeper grasping at thin air as it nestles into the net?
Burnley — backed by an understandably meagre away following — were heinously bad when they made the trip to the Stadium of Light and we were already in cruise control
at 2-0 up when Talbi picked up the ball on the left before shifting it onto his right foot and launching a firecracker past Martin Dúbravka that looked even better on the replays than it did in real time.
The Moroccan winger will be a player to watch next season and this was another flash of his exciting talent. Pick that one out!
The “Stand Back, Lads. I’m Just Going To Leather This” Award
Winner: Brian Brobbey
Sunderland’s enduring habit of salvaging points — a remarkable twenty two gained after falling behind in games, for the record — from seemingly futile positions was one of our most vital qualities last season, and it felt fitting that Brobbey should get himself in on the act at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium with the Lads having conceded a scrappy opener from a hosts’ set piece.
After some slick interplay from back to front, with Enzo Le Fée eventually setting up the Dutchman with a neat one-two, the former Ajax striker didn’t break stride as he slammed the ball high into the Spurs net, giving Guglielmo Vicario between zero and no chance whatsoever, sparking wild celebrations from the travelling Lads’ fans and robbing Spurs of two valuable points.
Brobbey has a far better touch in front of goal than he’s often given credit for, but this was less about finesse and more about shock and awe. There’s thunder in those boots and on this occasion, Spurs simply weren’t ready for the gathering storm.
The “Peter Cushing/Hammer Horror Award” For The World’s Most Blood-Curdling Tifo
Winner: The Visitors
When Newcastle United’s in-house flag team started trumpeting about what kind of pre-match display they’d planned for the second instalment of the derby, I’m sure that Granit Xhaka and his boys would’ve lost many an hour of sleep as they wondered just what Wor Flags had in mind.
Were we talking a synthesis of a football flag and a Cannibal Corpse album cover? Something too gruesome for words and that was guaranteed to throw Sunderland’s young stars off their game? Erm, no.
What we did get when their grand design was unveiled was a combination of a magpie (or a demonic-looking woodpecker) wearing a top hat filched from Fred Astaire’s milliner, a road sign, the castle keep, and for some bizarre reason, the spires of the Civic Centre and the city’s cathedral.
Hardly X-rated stuff, I’m sure you’ll agree, and it didn’t have the desired effect, with the Lads eventually turning the game around and running out 1-2 winners thanks to Brobbey’s late heroics.
Better luck next time, lads. Think along the lines of Edvard Munch’s The Scream, perhaps.
The “Daftest Blotting Of An Individual Copybook” Award
Winner: Dan Ballard
Luke O’Nien and Reinildo’s red cards against Manchester City and Aston Villa respectively were irritating, and Habib Diarra’s brandishing of an imaginary yellow card during the home shellacking by Nottingham Forest was unsavoury, but when Ballard was sent for an early bath after becoming the latest player to get caught up in the new craze of hair-pulling at Molineux, steam poured out of my ears for at least an hour.
During his maiden Premier League campaign, Ballard enjoyed an absolutely unbelievable season and had basically become an automatic selection when fit.
This made his red card against Wolves all the more infuriating, denying him what would’ve been a glorious final-day outing against Chelsea and arguably costing us two points in the quest for European football — which thankfully made little difference in the final analysis.
Yes, the law needs to be looked at and yes, club-branded hairnets for longer-haired players should be next season’s snoods (Ah, sweet memories of 2010/2011), but it was a silly situation all around and one that we need to try and avoid getting embroiled in next season.
The “We Sing When We Want Award” For Most Vocal Away Following
Winner: Liverpool
A marginal call, this.
Manchester United’s fans — doubtless rejuvenated by the hope of better days under new boss Michael Carrick — were predictable rowdy when they arrived, as were Everton’s travelling contingent during our hard-fought draw, but I have to give this one to their Merseyside rivals, who were loud and proud for almost the entire game during our narrow 0-1 home loss, managing to pull off the increasingly rare feat of not dealing in derogatory chants aimed at the club/city they happen to be visiting.
Fair play. A sub-standard season by Anfield standards, but their fans certainly did themselves proud on a cold Wearside night.
The “We Aren’t Just Here For The Vibes — We’re Here To Compete” Award
Winner: West Ham (H)
Ahead of the opening game of the season, a photograph of This Is Wearside’s pre-match tifo (a spectacular riff on the legend of the Lambton Worm) ramped up the excitement levels even further and by the time we headed home on a glorious August evening with Sunderland emerging as 3-0 winners, you just felt, even at that early stage, that something special was brewing.
The performance was excellent; the new players fitted in superbly, the goals were well-worked and there was a genuine sense of togetherness as Sunderland and Régis Le Bris took their first steps as a newly-promoted top flight side.
Ballard, Eliezer Mayenda and Wilson Isidor were the goalscoring heroes but it was a true team effort; a statement of intent against the ultimately-doomed Hammers, and a truly memorable day all round.
As the tifo itself read, “The man who wins is the man who thinks he can” — and this was about as memorable and emphatic an opening shot as we could’ve fired.
