April Fools’ Day is the most dangerous day to be on the internet. While these days it’s becoming tougher and tougher to believe anything you read online, April Fools’ Day is a whole different animal, as everybody is trying to do their worst. For those who are gullible, Wednesday might be a day to stay in bed and hide under the covers all day.
Ohio State hasn’t been immune from April Fools’ jokes, although the most famous one was when Cardale Jones took things a step further and waited until “May Fools’”
in 2015 when he joked he was transferring to Akron. Then in 2020, Mickey Marotti made people think he was leaving Ohio State for other opportunities, which was a joke head coach Ryan Day was in on. This year, there is likely to be some shenanigans posted by someone who gets Buckeye Nation all worked up.
Since we love our readers so much, we figured we’d have a little fun and get you into the practice of spotting examples of April Fools’ jokes. Today, we are going to give you what would be our nightmare April Fools’ jokes pertaining to the current Ohio State athletic department. Do not take what we are about to say with our answers as anything other than a joke, as there are no indications or rumors that these things are going to happen. This is just showing how dark our broken brains can get when it comes to strange things that can happen in this day and age.
Today’s question: What is your nightmare Ohio State April Fools’ joke?
We’d love to hear your choices. Either respond to us on Twitter at @Landgrant33 or leave your choice in the comments.
Brett’s answer: Nadine Muzerall stepping down as head coach of the Ohio State women’s hockey team to take an assistant coaching position at Wisconsin
Obviously, the head coach of the Ohio State women’s hockey team is more than happy at Ohio State, as evidenced by Muzerall recently signing a contract extension with the university. Muzerall has the program in a great place. The Buckeyes have made six straight Frozen Fours and five straight title games, winning two NCAA championships during that span. Under Muzerall, Ohio State has one of the premier women’s hockey programs in the country.
The only thing holding Muzerall back from being the most dominant women’s hockey coach in the country is Mark Johnson and Wisconsin. The Badgers have beaten Ohio State in the championship game in three of the last four seasons. With how many battles Muzerall and Johnson have had over the years as coaches, it’s hard to imagine them joining forces as head coaches, which would make it the perfect April Fools’ joke. This would be a case of “if you can’t beat them, join them.”
For any hardcore fans of the program, they would immediately know to be skeptical of Muzerall moving to Wisconsin to be an assistant since she played her college hockey at Minnesota. For a former Golden Gopher, coaching at Ohio State might be tough enough, while being a part of a Wisconsin coaching staff might get their diploma from Minnesota revoked. As if that wasn’t tough enough to stomach, Muzerall would also be agreeing to a demotion since she would be an assistant.
Another scary thing to think about is how this would affect the Ohio State program, since Muzerall is one of the best coaches in the country. Maybe the program has some initial success as long as a lot of the incoming recruits stay true to their word, but do we see the team not being as dominant as time moves on? It’s hard to imagine who would be named to replace Muzerall, being just as successful as she has been in Columbus.
Again, this is only an idea of a nightmare joke, and it’s not rumored, and there is no indication that Muzerall is leaving Ohio State any time soon. For me, this would just be the worst type of April Fools’ joke since she has turned the women’s hockey team into the most dominant program in the Ohio State athletic department over the last decade.
Matt’s answer: Eddie George named new Michigan head football coach
There were a number of different ideas that I considered for this week’s question, from Jeremiah Smith sitting out his junior season to focus on the NFL Draft to incoming basketball freshman Anthony Thompson joining Dusty May’s squad in Ann Arbor.
While those would obviously sting and make me very, very, very, very bitter, I don’t think that they would hurt nearly as much as if the biggest star of my formative Buckeye-watching days took over the That Team Up North.
Being in my mid-40s, Eddie George was the star of the Buckeye teams when I was in my early teenage years. He won the Heisman during my freshman year of high school, and one of my fondest OSU football memories is not a game, but being at his Senior Tackle inside The Horseshoe.
Nearly a decade ago, I interviewed Eddie for this very website, and it has been fun to see his rise from gridiron great to Broadway star to Tennessee State head coach to now being in the MAC, leading the Bowling Green Falcons.
While it was not exactly a stellar season for BG — going 4-8 and being tied for the second-worst record in the MAC — I wouldn’t put it past the Corn and Blue to try and stick it to Buckeye fans by throwing unseemly amounts of money at an Ohio State great to come coach in Ann Arbor.
Fortunately, I don’t think that there is any conceivable world in which Eddie would ever take that job, but if some bottom-feeding publication or (more likely) a rage-baiting social media “insider” tried to run that shit out on April Fool’s Day and pass it off as actual news, that very well might hurt the most.
Of course, it would likely take me less than two seconds to realize that it was BS, but the time before I did might be the worst two seconds of my year. After all, effective pranks tie in to existing beliefs and fears.
Tony Alford and Kerry Coombs, two Ohio State “lifers,” have made the move to Michigan in the past handful of years. So by playing on recent history, Buckeye fans’ innate hatred of all things Wolverine, and the school’s seemingly insatiable desire to be absolute douchebags, the nightmareish possibility could shock the soul of even the most discerning Buckeye fan.
So, keep your head on a swivel tomorrow; question everything, don’t retweet or share anything in a blind panic or rage-induced fervor, and remember if it is either too good or too bad to be true, it probably is.
