Hunker down, fantasy players… Bye weeks cometh. After a strong four-week start to the season in which we’ve already seen an 80-point tie game and a 15-point, four-minute, fourth-quarter comeback, the league begins to rest. Week 4 didn’t produce a crazy comeback, nor did the hierarchy of power in the NFL Universe change. However, we did see the awakening of Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs, more blocked kicks, and the boys in the trenches continue to dictate messy, early-season competition.
While teams are rounding into form and beginning to unveil who they really are, there’s a lot we don’t know! Shocking statement, I understand. The only constant thus far is one we could have expected in June: the Buffalo Bills and the Philadelphia Eagles are a step above the competition in their respective conferences, and should be ranked as such until further notice.
Without any more stalling, let’s jump into the Week 4 action.
- Buffalo Bills – A well-oiled machine already gearing up for January.
- Philadelphia Eagles – The forward pass has been outlawed.
- Los Angeles Rams – This QB might be the first clone to ever enter the MVP discussion.
- Detroit Lions – Setbacks officially in the rear view.
- Tampa Bay Buccaneers – NFL fans deserve to see this WR trio healthy. Make it happen, football gods.
- Green Bay Packers – If he ties, he ties.
- Los Angeles Chargers – Another tackle down. The curse is back.
- Seattle Seahawks – Despite one division loss already, the Hawks sure look like a team ready to wear the West crown.
- Kansas City Chiefs – The forward pass is legal again!
- Pittsburgh Steelers – Aaron Rodgers has done what’s asked of him so far. Mistake-free football + Mike Tomlin will put this team in a playoff position come December.
- Jacksonville Jaguars – Even the mysterious case of Brian Thomas can’t derail the NFL’s most thieving defense.
- San Francisco 49ers – Drink if you’ve heard this one this season! Gotta clean up the special teams to have a chance here.
- Baltimore Ravens – This defense has to pull it together Orr their season is DOA.
- Indianapolis Colts – The shoe may have dropped against the Rams, but two Adonai Mitchell mistakes away from a win vs. a contender isn’t a bad way to go out!
- New England Patriots – The first complete win of the season as they head to Buffalo. We Maye have a good one on our hands!
- Arizona Cardinals – An improving defense should be enough to keep them in the hunt all year, but the Marvin Harrison Jr and Kyler Murray spark is as dull as two middle school dance partners.
- Washington Commanders – Jayden should be back, but expect the over to hit every week thanks to the porous pass defense.
- Denver Broncos – A good Monday night performance against the abysmal Bengals D may be what Bo Nix needs to just have fun again.
- Minnesota Vikings – Run for your life, Carson.
- Chicago Bears – Caleb Williams didn’t turn in a good performance by any measure against Vegas, but a game-winning drive and back-to-back wins are exactly what this team needs before a bye.
- Dallas Cowboys – The run defense HAS improved!
- Houston Texans – If you told me every decision post-C.J. Stroud’s rookie year was made by a chatbot, I’d believe you.
- Atlanta Falcons – It feels wrong that this team is .500, and I’d like to file a complaint, but the fact is that when in sync, the London/Robinson/Penix trio is damn good fun.
- Cleveland Browns – Let’s just all enjoy Myles Garrett while we can.
- Las Vegas Raiders – We are 3 weeks away from Tom Brady suiting up at QB in between Sunday booth duty.
- Cincinnati Bengals – What can Browning do for… well… anyone?
- Miami Dolphins – Mike McDaniel owes Aaron Glenn a fruit basket after Monday night’s gift of job security.
- New York Jets – An offense more conservative than Stephen Miller.
- New York Giants – The Aura Farming Era has begun in East Rutherford
- Carolina Panthers – Start selling a Tet McMillan broadcast and spare us the rest of this fiasco.
- New Orleans Saints – A predictable dumpster fire with a bit of pizazz!
- Tennessee Titans – A predictable dumpster fire with NO pizazz.
That’s it for our Week 5 Power Rankings! Check back later in the week for our smarter C.A.L.C.U.L.A.T.O.R rankings as we head into the Packers’ week 5 bye.
