1) Either reports of Detroit’s demise are greatly exaggerated, or the Bears just suck. Good on Caleb Williams for showing some improvement, I guess. Way to make it 52-21 rather than like 52-10. But you know who hasn’t improved much at his job? His general manager. Just want to point out that I wrote this back in January…is it too late to take that extension back?
2) At this rate, we won’t have enough healthy ankles, knees, and toes to give all of these injured QBs. (Also, what is going on with this rash
of torn toe ligaments?) We did not sign up for another season of Joe Burrow missing basically the entire year, and the Bengals definitely didn’t after all that money they shelled out to keep the band together for one last run. But hey, at least Carson Wentz might get to start for his sixth new team in six years, eh?
3) Chris Jones put on a legendary hating performance at the end of the Eagles’ win over the Chiefs on Sunday, taunting Hurts about barely reaching 100 yards passing. The QB’s response was utter perfection. Hold that L. Also, talk all the mess you want about the “Tush Push,” but it feels like the Chiefs might’ve had a better chance at winning if Harrison Butker didn’t miss so far to the right, Travis Kelce didn’t gift-wrap the Eagles a goal-line INT, and Patrick Mahomes didn’t yeet deep balls 10 yards past a guy who runs a 4.2 40.
4) My wife and daughter’s gateway drug into football madness might’ve been the Dolphins and Patriots trading return touchdowns last Sunday—first one of those since Desmond Howard and Deion Sanders—and I’m here for it. There’s nothing like the special teams coach getting ready to murder each and every person on the punt unit only to immediately turn around and high-five most of those same guys for pulling off a kick-return TD on the next play.
5) Thank God for Brandon Aubrey casually being a stone-cold killer and Cameron Dicker becoming the most accurate kicker in NFL history last night. Some kickers are out here casually nailing 55-yarders like layups. Speaking of kickers, no one misses that creepy weirdo Justin Tucker.
6) Oh yeah, guess who has the highest regular-season passer rating in NFL history? That would be one Lamar Demeatrice Jackson Jr., who just crept to the top spot with a wild 102.6 rating for his career. First off: not bad for a guy everyone thought should change positions coming out of college. Second: Jackson being No. 1 means Aaron Rodgers is NOT, which is always a win.
7) If I were the Pittsburgh Steelers’ special teams coach, I’m not sure I’m ever putting Kaleb Johnson back to receive another kickoff after he gifted Seattle with quite possibly the easiest touchdown they’ll ever score. Muffing the kickoff is one thing. Not going after the ball is another. (I also have special anger about this because an old teammate of mine did that in a game and cost us points.)
8) Imagine being the Broncos and thinking you won on a missed 60-yard field goal…only to get flagged for a penalty that gives the Colts another shot to win on a 45-yarder. If this week taught us anything, it’s that special teams can make or break a game. Also, if we’re going to put out a fraud watch on Caleb Williams this early in their careers, don’t forget to put Bo Nix in the mix, too. He’s got the best pass protection in the league while owning the lowest grade of any QB.
9) I know Tom Brady and the NFL have probably talked extensively about what’s technically permissible and what’s not in his capacity as a minority owner of the Raiders and a FOX broadcaster. But if I’m the Chicago Bears and Dallas Cowboys, I’m not letting that dude anywhere near my practice fields if I know he’s allowed to sit in his team’s coaches’ booth. (Las Vegas plays Chicago in Week 4 and Dallas in Week 11.) Pick a lane, dude.
10) The rumors you heard are unfortunately not true: I am not trying out to play running back for the Chicago Bears this week. Though I probably couldn’t do worse with my two carries before being decapitated than their current backs, who are quite literally the least successful runners in football. Drop a comment if you think you could get 10 total rushing yards before the opposing defense turns you into a chalk outline.
