After WrestleDream this weekend, AEW head honcho Tony Khan promised that Timeless Toni Storm would be back in the company. Khan also made it clear that when his four-time Women’s World champion returned, she’d be looking for the person who took her out back in March of this year.
What TK didn’t mention? The build for the Timeless One’s comeback seems to have started at WrestleDream.
Small packages appear to have been strategically placed around Addition Financial Arena in Orlando, Florida on Saturday
night. At least one was found by its intended target, an internet content creator named Astrid Pizarro. They did what the folks behind viral marketing campaigns hoped she would do… created content about it.
Pizarro found something wrapped in brown paper with the word “Confidential” stamped on it, and and“Play Me” scribbled in marker. It’s also marked with a kiss in red lipstick. The cassette tape within is labeled “Mundanities”, and its narrated by Renee Paquette.
It opens with Storm reciting her “Morning Mantra”:
“There it is. And there she is. Oh, I look like a dried apple carving. Okay, let’s begin. I am capable, strong, and ready to make the day my mistress. Today, I choose misery, conflict, and hostility in all that I do. I exude fragility, pettiness, and an unfillable void to everyone I see. I have no control or responsibility for my thoughts, emotions, and actions. I have everything I need and nothing I want. I face the day with resentment and scorn. My mind is a mess. My heart is in shambles. And my body is barely holding it together like an over stuffed garbage bag. But damn it, I am timeless. All right, let’s start the day.”
The next track Paquette intros is about Toni’s 12-year-old cocker spaniel:
“Oh, Chanty. That’s a good boy, Chanty. Who’s a good Chanty? Take a chance. Take a chance, Chanty. Oh, what a beautiful boy. Now, you listen to me. I own you. I created you, and I can end you. You are nothing without me. You worship the ground I walk on, or I will make your life a living hell. When company comes over, they’re here to see me, not you.It’s not a time for your little tricks or performances. It’s not amateur hour with Chantsy. It’s my time. You will greet them. You will wait till I make one witty remark, and then Luther will escort you down to the basement to eat your rubbish. Otherwise, you have one job and one job only. To f*ck. You are a hunting machine and I want you to scour this damn neighborhood making onto anything that moves because mama is in the mood to sell and I can make a pretty good penny off of whatever half freak hamster you manage to knock up. Call it something exotic like a ham dog. You hear me? You worthless wanted beast. Okay, Chanty, let’s go for a walk.”
Over the rest of the tape, Storm gives wrestling advice to students like, “if you want to make it in this business, you’ve got to get yourself a cool hat.”*
Renee then kicks it to a track called “Cinema” which purports to chronicle “the failed production of [Storm’s] self-funded, unreleased major motion picture”, and a final track entitled “Death”. We don’t learn much about that one though, as the interviewer & host extraordinaire then wrapped it up with:
“Fantastical. Mysterious. Timeless. These are the Toni Storm Tapes.”
Remember that Pizarro’s tape was labeled “1/5”? Well…
Will these provide meaningful information about Toni’s absence, the kayfabe reason for it, and maybe even clues about what she’ll do when she returns? Does it further distract from the (generally believed to be happy) reason she’s been out?
WWE used these sorts of marketing campaigns in the past for Wyatt-related acts, even incorporating augmented reality game elements in them. Those were interesting and really excited a portion of the audience, but ultimately didn’t lead to much. Are these just awareness raising tactics? Or will the return of Timeless Toni Storm be the next evolution of this kind of pro wrestling story?
Let us know what you think in the comments below.
* A properly-sized one, as we all know that tiny hat was holding the pre-Timeless version of Storm back, right Stella?
