It’s that time once again, time to cram 10 pounds of SEC football action into a 5 pound sack. It’s the SEC in a Sentence, in which we distill the current state of every SEC football program into a single
(often grammatically tortured) sentence. We’re getting to that point in the season where the bloom is off the rise for some, and hope remains fluttering in the breast of others.
But the chilly winds of mid-October have a way of separating the field and thinning the championship herd. This weekend should witness some real pruning.
Alabama: This Alabama team is annoying in the way I thought only Auburn teams could be, the one where they play like lukewarm dishwater right up until they find a few grains of pixie dust in their couch cushions and throw it in your eyes.
Arkansas: Really excited about football for about half an hour on Saturday, and now really excited about basketball season!
Auburn: Ask not for whom the SEC officiating random chaos generator hums, it hums for thee, unlike the Auburn offense in the second half.
Florida: Unfortunately Arch Manning and the Longhorn offensive line can only play for one Texas SEC team at a time.
Georgia: I’m not saying the Bulldogs got bailed out by the refs, but I am saying that I wish they’d played a game that made it so that we didn’t have to speculate about whether they were bailed out by the refs.
Kentucky: Get the Longhorns in Lexington this Saturday with a chance to send #21 Texas back to not being back yet.
LSU: The Tigers used a bye week to figure out how to slip past Southern Carolina 20-10, which is apparently enough to reenter the demolition derby that is the AP to 10.
Mississippi State: Coming off a bye, bye Ms. American Pie, ole Jeff Lebby’s gone to Gainesville and he’s sure gonna try, to send Sunbelt Billy to the unemployment line, and if he does I’m not gonna lie, Dan Mullen just might laugh till he cries….
Oklahoma: Apparently John Mateer needs two good hands to win the Red River Shootout. Now you tell him.
Ole Miss: Won the kind of game Ole Miss has been winning for years when kickoff takes place before the brunch crowd has even cleared out at City Grocery, but I wouldn’t read too much into it for this week.
Missouri: I don’t know about you but I’m weirdly relieved that Missouri is not on the schedule this year, because that looks grueling.
South Carolina: Can you imagine being a South Carolina football fan and actually expecting good things in this life, no of course not, me neither.
Tennessee: Barely escaped Neyland with a 34-31 win over Bobby Petrino’s 2-4 Hawgs, which is not something they’re going to put on teeshirts and commemorative art prints I expect.
Texas: The Longhorns are back (to being back, after not being quite back for a couple of weeks, prior to which the ESPN talking heads assured me they were decidedly back)!!!!
Texas A&M: I am declaring the undefeated Aggies the class of the SEC at the moment because the other two options are Lane Kiffin’s Ole Miss and Kalen DeBoer’s Alabama and given those options I’ll take the dog cult with the weirdly enthusiastic cheerleaders every time.
Vanderbilt: Will play host to LSU this weekend in a game that legitimately could induce Tiger fans to dump 4 tons of live crawfish in Brian Kelly’s pool, and if that doesn’t get you to root for the Commodores I don’t know what will.
Go ‘Dawgs!!!
