To fill airtime during fallow sports times of the year, ESPN does this Ocho thing.
“Sports” you’ve never heard of, or even conceptualized.
How far up on a roof you can throw a beanbag, and some such. Stuff
you made up in your backyard after school when you and your best pal were nine years old and bored.
Now it’s televised. “World Championships” in some dude’s driveway. On the World Wide Leader Deux.
Thankfully I haven’t seen any Quidditch yet. But did once while walking Seneca Park.
Anyhooooooo, one of those new “sports” is Omega Ball.
Which is soccer played on a circular field with three teams and three goals.
Moderately interesting. If it’s late in the rainy afternoon, you’ve been running around all day doing errands and need some white noise to ease you into a nap.
What on earth does this have to do with college football’s Rivalry Week?
This, simply the most fascinating SEC battle of the first quarter of the 21st Century.
Ole Miss vs. LSU vs. Florida.
The Lane Kiffin Bowl.
Reported to be “played” Sunday November 30.
It will be televised live, I’m so sure.
Originating from Oxford or Baton Rouge or Gainesville, site to be determined. Be sure to keep your eyes on those flight logs.
You shall find no predictions on that one below.
* * * * *
Last week was Get Back Loretta/ Get Back To Where You Once Belonged for the nation’s foremost forecaster.
OK, so Decembrist Baby Blue Bill Belichick didn’t win his rivalry game as a gift for his stylin’ May GF. Duke came back on Carolina, thanks to a pretty damn nifty fake FG called by Manny Diaz.
That was my only miscue.
Quack over Trojans. Commodores over Wildcats. Nittany Lions over Cornhuskers. And a Mustang stampede in Big D little a double l a s. Over . . . ahem.
4-1 for the week, improves my W/L on the season to 49-29.
Intending to close out the regular season with a flourish, I present this week’s winners:
Texas A&M @ Texas. These Lone Star State rivals haven’t met in the state capitol since 2010. Now that they’re back in the same conference. It’s again an annual battle. Longhorns have underwhelmed. But are better as of late. Aggies stand unblemished. Burnt orange want to CFP. College Stationers want to stay undefeated. Not after Friday night. Hook ’em.
Miami @ Pittsburgh. It’s a big game. The U been complainin’ a lot about CFP disrespect. Never a good sign with an important battle afoot. Ask conference pal Seminoles how they’ve fared since their complaining about being left out when undefeated. Besides, the Canes are mentored by the worst in game coach in the land. Mario Cristobal, if the Tecovas fit, slip into ’em. Steeltowners survive.
Ohio State @ Michigan. Is it really possible that the current and prevailing best team extant could fall to arch rival FIVE seasons in a row? Of course. Anything is possible. Especially in the Big House. That’s why they play the game. Were it to, the band would have to rethink the Script Ohio thing. But it shall not occur. Brutus goes home a happy Buckeye. The i is dotted.
Vanderbilt @ Tennessee. Commodores last prevailed in Rocky Top in ’17. Vols have dominated long standing rivalry. And have won last six. But there’s something about this Pavia kid. Cocky. Unafraid. A winner. Hopeful about playoff, long shot it may be. Vandy upsets Vols.
Florida State @ Florida. Lucky for the Gators, their fans will be paying more attention to Lane Kiffin’s Instagram feed than what’s happening on the gridiron. They’ll be cheering the next savior next season, though they don’t know whom it will be. Meanwhile the Seminole faithful wish they had something to look forward to beyond another season of Mike Norvell freefall. But they don’t. Which shall be underscored by losing to their rival across the state to end this miserable campaign..
Indiana @ Purdue. Last season: 66-0. Boilermakers learn yet again what it means to be Cignettisized. Hoosiers be drinkin’ from Old Oaken Bucket.
Kentucky @ Louisville. A resistible force meets a movable object. Cardinals’ decimated offense takes on Wildcats’ similarly afflicted defense. It’s like the Civil War Battle of Wauhatchie which was the next major one after Gettysburg, where there were 51,000 casualties. Last week, these rivals, both with depleted rosters, lost by a combined score of 23-83. Game Day will not be in town. No Chris. No Herbie. Not much top level pigskin. Plenty of medical personnel. Lots of empty seats. Somehow Louisville eeks out a win on the back of some 4th string midseason walk on, after he spends the 3dQ in the triage tent.
— c d kaplan
