The A’s came into the game with the worst pitching staff (statistically) in baseball. The Twins sure couldn’t take advantage of it this time. Inning-by-inning notes:
1: A nice quick inning for Zebulon: two groundouts and a strikeout.
Zebulon Pike is the soldier/explorer who named Pike’s Peak, in Colorado. The song “America the Beautiful” was inspired by Pike’s Peak, and was originally titled “Pike’s Peak.” One of the verses has the line “God mend thine every flaw,” and writer Katharine Lee Bates was,
in fact, an ardent proponent of social reform. The famous Ray Charles version includes that verse, which is one of my favorite renditions of a ‘Murica song.
So thanks, Zebulon!
A leadoff walk for Austin Martin; are we gonna have more “Guardsball” tonight? He does advance to second on a hit-and-run FC, but he stays stuck there, so, so far, so Guardsball!
2: Hey, you heard it here first — Zebby’s gonna pitch the first perfect game in Twins history! Austin Martin makes a dive to get the third out, and does not — Byron Buxton does. With two fielders getting every out, the perfecto is guaranteed!
So, apparently, is a no-hitter for the A’s Jacob Lopez.
3: Zebby still perfect…
First-round pick Vahn Lackey on the radio. The booth guys tell him he’ll have to adjust to the automated ball/strike system, and Lackey says “I looked at every strikeout I had from last year, and they we’re all balls.” He can joke, because he has yet to experience the soul-crushing hopelessness that is the post-2024 Twins.
The Twins are still hitless when Martin takes his second walk, and Buxton gets HBP. Giving Ryan Jeffers the chance to open the scoring with a two-out RBI. The count goes full, the runners leave early, and… K. Guardsball continues.
4: Damn you, Zebby! A one-out walk to Tyler Soderstrom ruins my evening. A GIDP by the next batter means Zebby has still faced the minimum, but there’s no glory in that. No immortality, for as long as the game of baseball is played (about another ten years with the pace Manfred is at to ruin everything with more expensive tickets/viewing options and the inevitable gambling scandals).
Royce Lewis takes the one-out walk; he steals second and the throw by Shea Langeliers beats him, but 2B Donovan Walton can’t keep it in his glove. After a flyout, Lewis steals third? OK! Luke Keaschall walks, then he steals second. Brooks Lee’s time has come!
Popout, guardsball.
5: Zebby issues the one-out walk, then a double because he knows he’s ruined my evening already and so nothing he does for the rest of this game or the rest of his career matters anymore. A walk loads the bases and a sac fly means one team violates the sacred code of Not Scoring.
Then a wild pitch advances both the runners on first and second… BUT, Jeffers’s throw to third is a bit off. So, lead runner Tommy White tries scoring, and this was a POOR decision. Way to get the opponent off the hook, Tommy!
Hey, the Twins decide to get a hit finally! Austin Martin with a one-out double, giving him a OPS of 3.000 for this game if my math is right and it probably isn’t. Because Guardsball, it don’t matter. A’s 1-0
6: A leadoff infield hit for Henry Bolte, which is a perfect name because he is very fast. It was also the name of a fast Usain, minus the “e,” and a CGI cartoon with John Travolta and Miley Cyrus. Do you ask me how I know this? You do not. Soderstrom knocks Bolte in on a pitch that is VERY outside. He doesn’t advance past first, but methinks he will not need to.
With Jacob Lopez’s no-hitter gone, RHP Geoff Hartlieb comes in (Lopez usually does not pitch deeply into games). Two leadoff walks are promising…
Oh, I forgot, Guardsball. After a Victor Caratini K, Hartlieb walks Keaschall, Hartlieb is replaced, Brooks Lee GIDP. Philadelphia/KC/Oakland 2-0
7: Kody “AC/DC” Funderburk in for Zebby; he gives up the leadoff hit but no more.
The replacement pitcher who stymied the Twins last season was José Suarez; he is listed at 5’10” and 225 lbs, and I think that might be an underlisting. Anyways, the Twins don’t care that all their good players are about to be traded so they don’t bother hitting anything. Granted, the exit velocity for the three groundouts are 103.1, 96.2, 103.3 MPH so maybe they are trying but I don’t care.
8: Travis Adams in. He does fine.
Ryan Jeffers with the Twins’ second hit. Josh Bell hits one 104 MPH… and it bounces off the pitcher’s mound to become an easy GIDP.
9: Fairly recent waiver claim Jack Anderson comes in and promptly gives up the leadoff double. But he does strike out the next two, and gets some help from a leaping Martin for the last out.
Hogan Harris, the A’s one pitcher with an ERA below 3.50, in for the save attempt. Keaschall is HBP with one out; that’s their eleventh baserunner on the night, and only two were from hits. And there will be no more. Brooks Lee GIDP, Twins lose.
Studs of the game: Zebby Matthews. Duds: Everyone with a bat except Austin Martin… OK, also not Keaschall (0-for-1 but on base three times). Eternal DUD: John Fisher, both for screwing a great city and for taking away one of my favorite team songs:
COTG go to gintzer/sandwiches for a Food Fight (nice respectful discussion) and nagurski for “I mean i guess this is example 1,228,541,749 why you play the game and not count on an easy W… dudes rockin a nearly 7era coming into a game against the statistically best offense and ends up looking like catfish freakin hunter out there”
Thanks for everybody who joined in on a nice summer’s night, the last one before it becomes Venusian atmospheric Hell the next few days.
Tomorrow’s game is at 6:10, and features the first time in baseball history where the same pitcher plays for both teams: TBD vs. TBD. Catch ya next time!
