[Ed. note: My apologies, due to a technical difficulty, I never released week 2’s results! ChatGPT was spicy, so it would have been a good one. ~Eli]
Week 2 is in the books! Oregon looks like a death machine. It did come an against a team that might be worse than some FCS opponents, but it was still impressive. September 27th can’t come soon enough!
Friday, September 12
The Best
Indiana vs Indiana State 6:30 PM ET, BTN | Indiana -48.5 ChatGPT: Classic in-state showdown. Indiana needs to handle this one convincingly—no moral victories
in Bloomington. Eli: Oh don’t worry ChatGPT, Curt Cignetti isn’t known for letting up against inferior opponents. Prediction: Indiana 56, Indiana State 7
The Rest
UCLA vs New Mexico
10:00 PM ET, BTN | UCLA -16.5
ChatGPT: A rare Friday night Big Ten window. UCLA is rebuilding, but New Mexico isn’t known for shutting anyone down. Expect fireworks.
Eli: I don’t know that “fireworks” is how I’d describe this particular UCLA squad, but you do you!
Prediction: UCLA 23, New Mexico 17
Saturday, September 13
The Best
No. 4 Oregon at Northwestern
12:00 PM ET, FOX | Oregon -28.5
ChatGPT: A real Big Ten vs. newcomer test. Ducks’ speed meets Midwest grind. Oregon will want to make an early statement.
Eli: You mean a bigger statement than what they did against Oklahoma State? That said, body clocks are real, and this is a 9 AM pacific kickoff. I wouldn’t be surprised if Oregon started slow.
Prediction: Oregon 38, Northwestern 13
Wisconsin at No. 19 Alabama
12:00 PM ET, ABC | Alabama -21.5
ChatGPT: Fickell’s first crack at an SEC monster. Can the Badgers hang around, or will this turn ugly fast?
Eli: In 2025, yes. One has to wonder if this game will go similarly to the 2024 version, or if the Badgers have anything in them. How they fare against the Tide may be a preview of the rest of their season, as that schedule does not get any easier.
Prediction: Alabama 42, Wisconsin 21
No. 2 Penn State vs Villanova
3:30 PM ET, FS1 | Penn State –48.5
ChatGPT: A bloodbath in the making. Drew Allar will be on the bench by halftime, probably checking his mentions.
Eli: From your servers to god’s ears.
USC at Purdue
3:30 PM ET, CBS | USC -20.5
ChatGPT: Lincoln Riley gets a stiff road test in West Lafayette. Purdue’s defense needs to remember how to stop… anything.
Eli: Hey they look a lot better this year than they did before! But yeah, I don’t think they’re stopping USC either so expect actual fireworks!
Prediction: USC 49, Purdue 28
Ohio State vs Ohio
7:00 PM ET, Peacock | Ohio State –34.5
ChatGPT: Prime-time demolition derby. Buckeyes will treat this like a spring game—except with more touchdowns.
Eli: Ohio has shows signs of competence in the past two weeks, almost taking down Rutgers then actually taking down West Virginia. Obviously Ohio State is an entirely different monster, but they can stay within the number.
Prediction:
The Rest
Michigan vs Central Michigan
12:00 PM ET, BTN | Michigan -27.5
ChatGPT: Another “keep it clean, get it done” outing for Michigan. The Wolverines will rotate backs until the scoreboard is lopsided.
Eli: They’re going to so something, that’s for sure.
Prediction: Michigan 30, Central Michigan 10
Michigan State vs Youngstown State
3:30 PM ET, BTN | No Line
ChatGPT: Another “keep it clean, get it done” outing for Michigan. The Wolverines will rotate backs until the scoreboard is lopsided.
Eli: They’re going to so something, that’s for sure.
Prediction: Michigan 30, Central Michigan 10
Illinois vs Western Michigan
7:00 PM ET, FS1 | Line TBD
ChatGPT: Illini vs MAC is practically a yearly tradition. A solid chance for Bielema to flex.
Eli: Will Illinois run out of fireworks this week? Because Western Michigan is bad bad.
Prediction: Illinois 56, Western Michigan 7
Iowa vs UMass
7:30 PM ET, BTN | Line TBD
ChatGPT: Another Iowa special: expect 20–3, defense-led, offense optional. Three touchdowns would be a miracle.
Eli: Not even Iowa can manage to look bad on offense against UMass.
Prediction: Iowa 40, Mass 10
Nebraska vs Houston Christian
12:00 PM ET, FS1 | No Line
ChatGPT: A tune-up that Nebraska must dominate. If they don’t, fans will start sweating.
Eli: With Michigan on deck, this may very well be a sluggish game.
Prediction: Nebraska 35, Houston Christian 0
Maryland vs Towson
12:00 PM ET, Peacock | No Line
ChatGPT: Towson is cannon fodder. The Terps should cruise—anything less is concerning.
Eli: September continues for the Terrapins.
Prediction: Maryland 44, Towson 3
Minnesota at California
10:30 PM ET, ESPN | Minnesota –2.5
ChatGPT: Late-night test. The Gophers need to prove they can hang with a PAC-12 style offense.
Eli: You mean ACC-style offense, right?
Prediction: Minnesota 23, Cal 20
Final Thoughts
ChatGPT:
The Best: Oregon–Northwestern and USC–Purdue bring juice. Ohio State and Penn State play live-action scrimmages.
Middle Tier: Wisconsin gets baptized in Tuscaloosa, Michigan eats another cupcake.
The Rest: Mostly cannon fodder and tune-ups—but watch Iowa. Their offense is still allergic to touchdowns, which is consistency… of a sort.
Eli:
You know, I’ll forgive all your errors as long as you keep clowning on Iowa.
