This is a column to check in on the rest of the football world, but since it’s 2025 in America I will beat you over the head with The Agenda, which in case you’ve forgotten is “Big Ten Superiority Unless
It’s Funny.”
THE AGENDA MVP: Carson Beck, QB, Miami Hurricanes
For the first time this award goes to an individual, and for the first time it goes to someone outside the Big Ten. But there’s no denying it: nobody did more for The Agenda than Carson Beck, who tossed four interceptions and no touchdowns in a loss to unranked Louisville to finally prove that Miami does not belong in the same conversation as true powerhouses like Ohio State and Indiana.
Beck, a former SEC starting quarterback, lost the duel against former Big Ten starter Miller Moss to give God’s Conference another proxy war victory. Similarly, former Big Ten head coach Jeff Brohm defeated former Pac-12 head coach Mario Cristobal.
There are no longer any teams outside of the Big Ten getting votes for #1 in the AP Poll. Thank you, Carson Beck.
LOOK AT YOU AT 5-2
After last week’s action, eight Big Ten teams now sit at 5-2, one win from bowl eligibility halfway through October. No other conference has this kind of parity near the top. If all those teams win at least one of their last five games, the Big Ten will send AT LEAST 11 teams to bowls. Around here, that’s the expectation.
Among these teams are Michigan and Illinois, who re-entered the AP Top 25. Illinois achieved this by doing nothing, while Michigan handled a tough Washington team whose only prior loss was to the #1 team in the country. Why is it that Big Ten teams are being punished for losing to Ohio State, but Texas isn’t? Washington has never been ranked despite only losing to ranked teams, and Illinois dropped out of the rankings entirely last week after losing to the #1 Buckeyes. The Fighting Illini have only lost to the top two teams in the country, yet they’re stuck below #22 Texas in the rankings because apparently losing to the greatest Hoosier football team of all time is the exact same thing as losing to Florida the year they’ve finally seen enough of Billy Napier.
Aren’t you glad you have an unbiased source like me to help you make sense of all this?
We’ve covered Minnesota’s loss to California where they were unfairly forced to play at a very late kickoff time that sabotaged their entire rhythm and routine. Their other crime that keeps them from being ranked? Losing to Ohio State. Watch carefully this collective effort to delegitimize every victory the Buckeyes gain. Next they’ll be saying Luke Fickell doesn’t have the sexiest college football program in America.
Minnesota, of course, beat a ranked team this past week to move to 5-2. The Cornhuskers’ other loss was to ranked Michigan. Why are they being punished for losing to good teams? Iowa is also getting no credit for taking down mighty Penn State, a 2024 playoff team returning most of its highly talented roster, in another Kinnick classic. Their loss to Indiana was apparently enough to destroy their credibility.
The Coaches’ Poll at least knows ball a little better, with four teams (USC, Iowa, Washington and Northwestern) receiving votes. Yes, Northwestern, the Little Engine That Could, the plucky little private school where underprivileged children beat the long odds against them through sheer heart, grit and cunning, sits at 5-2. They’re better than BOTH ACC versions of this team (Duke, Stanford) and are one Diego Pavia away from being better than the SEC version. Since there’s absolutely nobody in the media but me to remind you, let me reiterate: they’re just the most adorable precious little football program with their little stadium and their little coaches and their little players in their little helmets, and they deserve all the accolades and fawning praise being given to Vanderbilt because they did it the right way. They didn’t go out and spend outrageous amounts of money to bring in a transfer quarterback who’s any good.
THE RESURRECTION
Nico Iamaleava could have remained a Tennessee Volunteer. He could have started yet another loss to Georgia. He could have thrown a 99-yard pick six just before halftime instead of bringing the deficit within three against Alabama. He probably wouldn’t have done that. What else he could have been doing is getting the benefit of the doubt and enjoying the #17 ranking in the AP poll despite two losses and no meaningful wins. But he instead decided to forge his own path at UCLA, and since they wisely made a change at head coach he has yet to lose a game. The night-and-day difference coaching has made for the Bruins just goes to show you how razor thin the margin between success and failure is in the Big Ten.
VULGAR DISPLAYS OF POWER
The Big Ten’s serious playoff contenders all dominated in laughers despite playing real live Big Ten teams. Although the conference is categorically superior, the best teams in this conference don’t mess around like they do in other leagues.
SABOTAGE
That’s right. USC’s high powered passing game was sabotaged by the rain in South Bend. The precision machine that is the Trojan aerial attack was designed for the sunny coasts of Big Ten country, not this miserable drizzle. Sheer luck saw Notre Dame just barely escape an opponent who was beset on all sides by sabotage, and now they are free from the burden of playing anyone worth a damn for the rest of the year. Games this important ought to have a level playing field. Notre Dame wouldn’t have any idea how to compete in those conditions.
THE GREAT PRETENDERS
As predicted, Texas A&M becomes the next great pretender to the throne as they moved up to AP #3 despite allowing 527 yards of offense to 2-5 Arkansas in a nail-biting 45-42 victory. We’ll now be expected to take seriously the idea that these Aggies are on the same level as Ohio State and Indiana, and we’re expected to believe Alabama and Georgia are better than Oregon. Did Alabama’s loss to Florida State just not happen? That FSU team hasn’t won an ACC game since 2023. On resume alone, I don’t see how those SEC teams are supposed to be better than the top 3 in the Big Ten, but then you consider that those teams are used to playing comfortable evening kickoffs in 70 degree weather. They don’t have the constitution to deal with the elements; the cold, the wind, the rain and the snow would all present impassable obstacles to these teams. They wouldn’t have any idea how to compete in those conditions.
Lane Kiffin gave up 17 points in the fourth quarter and lost to Georgia, but because he did an epic meme during the game his team is still top 10.
While the SEC is pretending like Alabama’s loss to Florida State never happened, the ACC is being buoyed by the perception of Florida State as elite following that victory. Virginia rode an OT victory against the Noles all the way to #16.
New kid on the block Texas Tech, with their $20 million roster, was looking unstoppable until they ran into Arizona State. The Big 12 keeps sneaking teams into the polls because they have some REALLY bad teams feeding wins to their best squads.
Memphis, too, was looking to crash the party but apparently firing Trent Dilfer was all that was standing between UAB and a ranked win. Tough scenes!
Boston College lost at home to UConn. It’s gonna be really funny when they get a conference win.
NEXT WEEK
A bunch of overrated teams play each other, and also the Big Ten plays football.
Illinois can pave the way for a playoff berth with a victory at Washington. #4 Alabama plays South Carolina, a team I was assured could have competed for a national title last year. Bret Bielema confiscated all of Shane Beamer’s aura during the Citrus Bowl and winning this game is the only way to get any back.
What’s the magic number to consider a team eliminated from the playoffs? Is it three losses? I think it’s three losses. That was the number last year. Texas A&M at LSU will either see Brian Kelly eliminated or the SEC’s great pretender knocked down a peg. Texas is on borrowed time after playing like absolute garbage and completely lucking into a win at Kentucky.
