Last Sunday after the Red Sox’s 9–3 win over the Cardinals, Trevor Story gave one of the more entertaining quotes about his new teammate Willson Contreras:
“Just look at him. They’re very similar in stature. Real strong and he’s got that presence about him, that Bowser presence. He’s got the intensity.
“I’ve never seen a more spot-on comparison.”
That’s a full scouting report if I’ve ever heard one.
Contreras did have a four-hit, three RBI day which is frankly villainous if you’re a Cardinal but fantastic
if you’re a Red Sox. Combine that with Willy’s build in general and boom. Match made.
The nickname itself didn’t start in Boston—Contreras said it was coined by former teammate Pedro Pagés during his time in St. Louis, but since arriving with the Red Sox this spring, it’s taken on a life of its own. Teammates have embraced it, T-shirts have been made, and Contreras and the squad are very clearly having fun with it it.
And once Bowser exists in the clubhouse, it raises a much more important question:
Who else is in this Red Sox/Mario universe?
Infield
Willson Contreras—Bowser
This is a given considering it came with him but we have to include it to set the baseline.
Trevor Story—Luigi
Not always the star of the show, but when he’s hot, he can drive this team far.
Marcelo Mayer—Baby Luigi
Still coming along, waiting in Story’s shadow, but has the potential for greatness.
Caleb Durbin—Diddy Kong
Small, fast, relentlessly annoying when he goes 25 at-bats without a hit. Still a baby in his MLB career.
Carlos Narváez—Kamek
Behind the scenes, pulling strings, like a catcher should. Not sure if this is too generic for a catcher but I’m fine with this for Narvy.
Outfield
Jarren Duran—Waluigi
Lanky chaos, meet Angry Lizard. Can ruin your day when something stupid happens but I main him in Mario Party and he’s very effective.
Ceddanne Rafaela—Toadette
Small, fast, everywhere at once. Apparently Toadette can transform into Peachette in one of the games, is this Rafaela going from outfield to infield?
Wilyer Abreu—Donkey Kong
Happy and powerful. Nuff said for Wilyer.
Roman Anthony—Baby Mario
This makes more sense when you see below, but if there’s a developing face of the franchise on this squad, it’s Roman.
Starters
Garrett Crochet—Mario
The clear star and face of the team. Leader of men. Rescuing this team (for the most part) when they want to act like a damsel in distress.
Ranger Suárez—Rosalina
Calm, smooth, everything looks easy. Just look at his eight frames of cool baseball last night. Only playable more recently in the Mario Universe and only a very recent addition to the Red Sox.
Brayan Bello—Boo
You think you’ve got him—then you don’t.
Payton Tolle—Wario
I cant’t stop thinking that Birdo fires eggs and that Tolle fires fastballs. They’re also both odd and funny as hell.
Bullpen
Garrett Whitlock—Dry Bones
This almost makes too much sense. Dry Bones falls apart—aka Whit being on the IL so much, missing as many games as he has—but is that good when he puts himself back together.
Aroldis Chapman—Bullet Bill
Sure, Bullet Bill isn’t a “character” but is known enough in the Mario universe that I allow this. He shows up, fires bullets, then leaves.
Bench
Masataka Yoshida—Shy Guy
…don’t ask. It just works.
Connor Wong—Koopa Troopa
Until Wong shows me he’s not just a 0.3 WAR replacement level player, this is his role. Just a cog in the machine of this world.
