Back to school, back to school.
My office is an 8′ by 10′ cinder block cell. Three foot-wide windows, sealed and with only light-regulating blinds, look at waist height onto an inaccessible fourth-story roof, ringed on all sides by offices just like mine. My door locks from the inside but includes a four-foot-high, one-foot-wide glass window. I have a flimsy retractable blind that covers it when I am working outside office hours and need privacy, though I have almost always left my door unlocked.
My desk is a modular one, a 90-degree angle that fits perfectly into a corner. At least, that’s where it was when I arrived at my job two years ago. Not liking that my back was to the door and my computer screen was visible to everyone, one night in a fit of frustration I rearranged the office, rotating the desk one turn clockwise to put half of it against the side wall, half as a kind of table between me and a student.
My classroom is a lecture hall that seats 60. Students enter through one of two doors, which share a wall with the projector screen I lecture from. The instructor podium and computer position me such that I have my back to the entrances. Both doors are usually set locked as a default, but the nature of college students means that at least one remains barely ajar most of the 75-minute period. In this particular classroom, one of the door handles has to be jiggled just right to actually latch and lock.
My daughters go to a local preschool. It’s a functional, modern building. Each classroom, including the nursery, has eight-foot glass windows (with shades, of course) that open onto a chain-link-fenced-in courtyard and playground. We have to enter a code to get into the building through its double glass doors, and every morning there is a young receptionist there to greet us (though she’s gone in the afternoon). Last week, though, a student’s grandpa, wearing the Midwestern grandpa code of an athletic polo, cargo shorts, and Sketchers slip-ons, was there to pick him up, but couldn’t find the door code in his phone. His grandson shares a classroom with our daughter, we learned, after we let him follow us inside. He thanked us as he left with his grandson, to whom my daughter happily waved goodbye.
It’s a religiously-affiliated preschool attached to a church, and so, once a week, the kids go to chapel. Our daughter loves it: the youth pastor is younger than us, he tells a short Bible story and plays guitar for them, and she—barely three—eagerly recites the lesson and the songs when she gets in our car at the end of the day.
The chapel has a public entrance that’s connected to their parking lot. The students enter through a special set of doors connected directly to the school. There are stained glass windows up and down the church. There’s an exit to the students’ playground off to one side of the altar, and another that I assume is for emergencies.
I realized I don’t know if the public doors are unlocked during my daughter’s chapel time. I don’t know what’s locked and what’s open around that church. I hesitated when that grandfather, whose son I knew by name, asked to follow us into the school.
But I know that many of the graduates of our preschool’s attached K-8 academy go onto another religiously-affiliated high school. Just as did the one who, last week, opened fire on students at Annunciation School in south Minneapolis. I know that I go to church with people whose extended families go to Annunciation. Just as do the families who, this week, are sitting in a hospital with — or burying — their children.
Gun violence is a reality to which far too many Americans are just waking up—even those who, like my generation and those younger, were raised in the wake of Columbine and with ubiquitous active shooter drills. I’m tired of hiding behind mental health, I’m tired of hiding behind an amendment that couldn’t conceive of the destruction today’s weapons can wreak, I’m tired of hiding behind flag-humping, snake-stickered fears of a tyrannical government when people are being pulled out of cars and disappeared off streets in the name of my safety.
The thing is, I want to leave my office unlocked and my door wide open. I want to not care whether the classroom doors are locked. I want to send my daughter to a school where she gets to sing cute songs and run around on the playground with reckless abandon, clapping every time an ambulance goes by on the busy street across the field.
And I know that the people and things being policed aren’t the ones that pose any significant risk. To any of that.
And yet on we march, demonizing the marginalized and locking down our schools and policing the overpoliced.
But we need our guns. In the name of safety.
I’m not any safer for any of this bullshit. You’re not any safer for any of this bullshit.
No one is, and stop fucking pretending otherwise.
Sorry. There’s no easy way to transition out of that, and indeed, I don’t (1) how, or (2) that I want to. But it’s something I needed to get off my chest. Hell, I wrote this on Tuesday night, and then there was another incident at UMass-Lowell on Wednesday. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a bit of danger my entire life around higher education, save that I almost took a job at UNLV in 2023, right before their shooting happened.
That’s a terrible way of putting it—their shooting, as if that horrific act is something UNLV owns.
It’s become A Thing, capital-A, capital-T, that I think about this shit as I walk down my school’s halls. You can’t shake it. It’s omnipresent.
Can we try to reset this again?
(He was being Shelley Winters, from The Poseidon Adventure.)
Friday Night
Don’t Watch This
James Madison Dukes at Lhvl Cardinals (-14.5, O/U 55.5) [6pm, ESPN2]
NIU Huskies at Maryland Terrapins (-16.5, O/U 45)
WIU Leathernecks at Northwestern Wildcats (-31.5, O/U 48.5) [6:30pm, BTN]
Eastern Washington Eagles at Boise State Broncos (-31.5, O/U 58.5) [8pm, FS1]
Watch That
SUNY Maritime Privateers at Massachusetts Maritime Buccaneers
6pm | YouTube | THE CHOWDER BOWL
Here. Just enjoy the Chowder Bowl.
I don’t even know where you’d begin tonight. Maybe JMU-Lhvl will be interesting? Maybe there’ll be enough points to keep your attention in Eastern-Boise?
I was going to suggest the CFL, but even that’s god the Ottawa REDBLACKS, and the most interesting thing about them is that yes, that IS how you style “REDBLACKS”.
Just grab some chowder.
Saturday Morning
Don’t Watch This
FIU Sunblazers at #2 Penn State Nittany Lions (-41.5, O/U 54.5)
San Jose State Spartans at #7 Texas Longhorns (-36.5, O/U 52) [11am, ABC]
East Texas A&M Lions at #14 Florida State Seminoles [11am, ACCN]
Kennesaw State Hustlin’ Owls at #23 Indiana Hoosiers (-35, O/U 52.5) [11am, FS1]
Kent State Golden Flashes at #24 Texas Tech Red Raiders (-48.5, O/U 58.5) [11am, TNT]
Northwestern State Demons at Minnesota Golden Gophers [11am, BTN]
Virginia Cavaliers at NC State Wolfpack (-2.5, O/U 54.5) [11am, ESPN]
Central Michigan Chippewas at Pittsburgh Panthers (-21.5, O/U 52.5) [11am, ESPNU]
Jacksonville State Gamecocks (-6, O/U 49.5) [11am, CBSSN]
Utah State Aggies at Texas A&M Aggies (-29.5, O/U 53.5) [11:45am, SECN]
Watch That
#11 Illinois Fighting Illini at Duke Blue Devils
11am | ESPN | Illinois -3 | O/U 49.5
Baylor Bears at #17 SMU Cocaineponies
11am | The CW | SMU -2.5 | O/U 65.5
UConn Huskies at Syracuse Orange
11am | ACCNX | Cuse -6.5 | O/U 58.5
Seek Immediate Medical Attention
Iowa Hawkeyes at #16 Iowa State Cyclones
11am | FOX | ISU -3 | O/U 41.5 | El Assico!
Saturday Afternoon
Don’t Watch This
Howard Bison at Temple Owls [1pm, ESPN+]
WCU Catamounts at Wake Forest Demon Deacons [1pm, ACCNX]
Idaho State Bengals at New Mexico Lobos [2pm, MWN]
Delaware Fightin’ Blue Hens at Colorado Buffaloes (-23.5, O/U 50.5) [2:30pm, FOX]
Grambling Tigers at #1 Ohio State Buckeyes [2:30pm, BTN]
Austin Peay Governors at #4 Georgia Bulldogs [2:30pm, SECN+]
Oklahoma State Cowboys at #6 Oregon Ducks (-28.5, O/U 57.5) [2:30pm, CBS]
Troy Trojans at #8 Clemson Tigers (-33.5, O/U 51.5) [2:30pm, ACCN]
#20 Ole Miss Rebels (-10, O/U 51.5) at Kentucky Wildcats [2:30pm, ABC]
ETSU Buccaneers at #22 Tennessee Volunteers [2:30pm, SECN+]
Fresno State Bulldogs at Oregon State Beavers (-3, O/U 47.5) [2:30pm, The CW]
Bowling Green Falcons at Cincinnati Bearcats (-21.5, O/U 46.5) [2:30pm, ESPN+]
Gardner-Webb Runnin’ Bulldogs at Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets [2:30pm, ACCNX]
Miami Hydroxide Redhawks at Rutgers Scarlet Knights (-14.5, O/U 46.5) [2:30pm, Le Coq]
UAB Blazers at Navy Midshipmen (-21, O/U 60.5) [2:30pm, CBSSN]
St. Francis (PA) Red Flash at Buffalo Bulls [2:30pm, ESPN+]
Lindenwood Lions at Appalachian State Mountaineers [2:30pm, ESPN+]
Bryant Bulldogs at UMass Minutemen [2:30pm, ESPN+]
MTSU Blue Raiders at wisconsin badgers (-28.5, O/U 45.5) [3pm, FS1]
USF Brahman Bulls at #13 Florida Gators (-17.5, O/U 54.5) [3:15pm, SECN]
Arkansas State Red Wolves at Arkansas Razorbacks (-22.5, O/U 63.5) [4pm, SECN+]
Jackson State Tigers at Southern Miss Golden Iggles [4pm, ESPN+]
Potential for Silliness
North Texas Mean Green at Western Michigan Broncos
2:30pm | ESPN+ | UNT -10 | O/U 59.5
Northern Iowa Panthers at Wyoming Cowboys
3pm | Mountain West Network
Sacramento State Hornets at Nevada Wolf Pack
4pm | Mountain West Network
Watch That
Texas State Bobcats at UTSA Roadrunners
2:30pm | ESPN+ | UTSA -4.5 | O/U 66.5
Kansas Jayhawks at Missouri Tigers
2:30pm | ESPN2 | Mizzou -6.5 | O/U 50.5
West Virginia Mountaineers at Ohio Bobcats
3pm | ESPNU | WVU -3.5 | O/U 59.5
I was prepared to be frustrated at the ESPN slate of programming in this block—why on earth is the I-35 Rivalry hidden on ESPN+?!—but then they have US Open championships on the main, Border War on the deuce, and a P5-at-G5 on the U.
Lots of sneaky interesting games in the MAC and MountainPAC: Fresno is so bad otherwise I’d tell you to watch Fresno-Beavs on The CW, but UNT at WMU is a classic G5 “who knows?” game, and UNI-Wyoming could end 12-8. On the flip side, Sac State-Nevada might end 55-54. And I love them all.
Saturday Evening
Don’t Watch This
Cal Poly Mustangs at #25 Utah Utes [5pm, ESPN+]
Missouri State Bears at Marshall Thundering Herd (-10, O/U 57.5) [5pm, ESPN+]
NC Central Eagles at Old Dominion Monarchs [5pm, ESPN+]
Campbell Fightin’ Camels at ECU Pirates [5pm, ESPN+]
Texas Southern Tigers at California Golden Bears [5pm, ACCNX]
Florida A&M Rattlers at FAU Owls [5pm, ESPN+]
Bethune-Cookman Wildcats at #5 Miami Fluoride Hurricanes [5pm, ACCNX]
South Carolina State Bulldogs at #10 South Carolina Gamecocks [6pm, SECN+]
Northern Colorado Bears at Colorado State Rams [6pm, MWN]
Tulane Green Wave (-10.5, O/U 51.5) at South Alabama Jaguars [6pm, ESPN+]
Army Black Knights at Kansas State Wildcats (-17, O/U 46.5) [6pm, ESPN]
Houston Cougars (-13, O/U 39.5) at Rice Owls [6pm, ESPN+, BAYOU BUCKET]
NC A&T Aggies at UCF Citroanuts [6pm, ESPN+]
North Carolina Tar Heels (-13.5, O/U 49.5) at Charlotte 49ers [6pm, ESPN+]
Memphis Tigers (-13.5, O/U 56.5) at Georgia State Panthers [6pm, ESPN+]
LIU Sharks at EMU Eagles [6pm, ESPN+]
LaTech Bulldogs at #3 LSU Tigers (-37.5, O/U 51.5) [6:30pm, SECN+]
#15 Michigan Wolverines at #18 Oklahoma Sooners (-5.5, O/U 46.5) [6:30pm, ABC]
SIU Salukis at Purdue Boilermakers [6:30pm, BTN]
Georgia Southern Eagles at USC Trojans (-28.5, O/U 62.5) [6:30pm, FS1]
Balls Tate Robotbirds at Auburn Tigers (-42.5, O/U 53.5) [6:30pm, ESPNU]
Vanderbilt Commodores at Virginia Tech Hokies (-1.5, O/U 47.5) [6:30pm, ACCN]
Boston College Eagles at Michigan State Spartans (-3.5, O/U 46) [6:30pm, NBC]
Akron Zips at Nebraska Cornhuskers (-34, O/U 47.5) [6:30pm, BTN]
Charleston Southern Buccaneers at Coastal Carolina Chanticleers [6:30pm, ESPN+]
UL Monroe Warhawks at Alabama Crimson Tide (-37.5, O/U 50.5) [6:45pm, SECN]
McNeese Cowboys at Louisiana Ragin’ Cajuns [7pm, ESPN+]
Watch That
Western Kentucky Hilltoppers at Toledo Rockets
6pm | ESPN+ | Toledo -7 | O/U 58.5
#12 Arizona State Sun Devils at Mississippi State Cowbells
6:30pm | ESPN2 | ASU -6.5 | O/U 59
UCLA Bruins at UNLV Rebels
7pm | CBSSN | UCLA -2.5 | O/U 53.5
#2 South Dakota State Jackrabbits at #3 Montana State Bobcats
7pm | ESPN+
Jesus. #2 South Dakota State at #3 Montana State. Only thing that makes that game better is if it’s played in a damn snowstorm. That’s some excellent non-con scheduling.
Here feels, then, like a good place to shout out the best uniforms you’ll see all weekend, the collaboration between the Idaho Vandals and Field Rush to produce, well, these:
FIGHTIN’. TATERS.
It’s late and I’m drunk…
Don’t Watch This
UT-Martin Skyhawks at UTEP Miners [8pm, ESPN+]
Weber State Wildcats at Arizona Wildcats [9pm, ESPN+]
Stanford Cardinal at BYU Cougars (-18.5, O/U 46.5) [9:15pm, ESPN]
UC Davis Aggies at Washington Huskies [10pm, BTN]
Watch That
Tulsa Golden Hurricane at New Mexico State Aggies
8pm | ESPN+ | Tulsa -3.5 | O/U 52.5
San Diego State Aztecs at Washington State Cougars
9:15pm | The CW | WSU -1.5 | O/U 45
Sam Houston Bearkats at Hawai’i Rainbow Warriors
11pm | Mountain West Network | Hawai’i -6.5 | O/U 48
Bad teams playing bad football. I’ll be at a good wedding, so I doubt I’ll see any of it—I’d be curious, though, to see how Tulsa and San Diego State look. Tulsa’s led by 35-year-old first-year head coach Tre Lamb, who never climbed above 7-5 in admittedly turn-it-around jobs at both Gardner-Webb or East Tennessee State but had done enough to get a shot at the Tulsa gig. (NMSU only beat Bryant 19-3, and at some point we’ll have to ask questions of Tony Sanchez.)
San Diego State, on the other hand, is in Year Two of the Sean Lewis run-and-shoot (run-and-spear?), and I’m not gleaning much from a 42-0 win over FCS Stony Brook. But Wazzu is vulnerable under first-year head coach Jimmy Rogers and only managed to escape Idaho 13-10 in the Battle of the Palouse. Might learn a little in both of these.
And, of course, Hawai’i as a treat.
This is your open thread for Friday. Sorry to be a downer. Please do behave.
