On Friday night, October 17th, the Louisville Cardinals (4-1) head to Hard Rock Stadium to face the Miami Hurricanes (5-0) at 7pm on ESPN. Even after the naming rights were removed from the stadium, the Cards
will always be synonymous with Papa Johns (formerly Papa John’s named after founder John Schnatter and subsequently renamed because of John Schnatter).
While the company has removed John’s apostrophe to further themselves from his controversies, the masses in Kentucky are still wondering why on earth they were stuck with PJ’s as their main source of ‘Za. When it comes to chain pizza in Miami, FL- Google AI seems to think Dominos is the choice of the locals. And Miami will look to put “5 5 5” up on the Cards: five TD’s from Carson Beck, five sacks from the defense and five yards per carry from Mark Fletcher Jr.
Being stuck with mediocre chain pizza as a status symbol is fitting for a college football program that typically fails to win the big game has been stuck with cheesy hires like Bobby Petrino (part 2) and the realization your team wasted Lamar Jackson’s Heisman Trophy winning season.
Caption: Papa John looking like Ray Liotta at the end of Goodfellas
The worst part about being stuck in a relationship with Papa John/s is that he nor the franchise are even from Kentucky; they’re from Indiana. Yet John became one and the same with Louisville and Cardinals athletics including a stadium naming in 1998. And while the Indiana Hoosiers are a College Football Playoff program, the Cardinals aren’t even close.
Much like a P-Johns driver, the Cards failed to deliver in the 2023 ACC Championship Game which featured a Jordan Travis-less FSU squad. That was the closest they’ll probably get in the new version of college football and that’s like Papa Johns being called “good for school lunch” being mistaken for being called good pizza. After Louisville only put up 6 points against an FSU team with no QB, they took a dip back to the middle of the ACC pack.
Caption: Taken from a Reddit post titled, “Papa John’s lemon pepper wings might be the shittiest food I have ever encountered.”
The Cards are looking to knock off the undefeated ‘Canes like I knock a scrawny PJ’s chicken wing off my plate and into the trash can to make room for some Publix wings and blue cheese dressing. Ordering Papa Johns and being disappointed is like being surprised that Rick Pitino was busted for cheating while at UofL.
Also who approved of the Papadias name and why do you deranged Louisvillians add Papa to everything on the menu like that’s not creepy.
Now that I’ve ranted on for multiple pages, what can the Cards fans do instead of ordering Papadias on Friday night while they choke down another loss to the Hurricanes?
1- Order some Jet’s Pizza and prepare themselves to feel as dead inside as I do after eating Papa Johns once Miami takes down the Cardinals on Friday night.
2- Find a local pizza joint in your area and stop supporting bad chain pizza places. Pizza Lupo seems to have great reviews and their pizza looks 1000000x better than Papa Johns.
3- Just drink beer as you suffer through a loss to the ‘Canes.
Maybe sobering up on pizza is a bad idea, maybe it’ll be a good idea come 10pm. Either way find something better than the Papa.
