Ruben Amorim chose not to watch Manchester United’s penalty shootout at Grimsby Town, while we all were forced to watch in horror as United’s two new signings each missed key penalties and embattled goalkeeper Andre Onana’s appendages turned into noodles on attempted saves.
The vibes are south of Hell right now.
Before a ball was kicked, things around the club were already weird with news that Kobbie Mainoo — a young and promising academy graduate playing a position that United needs to strengthen,
not weaken — could be on his way out.
I’m not going to lie, I was crashing out in my United group chats. Below are excerpts from a back-and-forth lunch break conversation that meant I had to eat at my desk after my break was over.
My opening text in the group chat:
“We’re gonna bin off another academy grad who is young and promising and plays in a very thin area for us depth wise in favor of watching the ghost of Casemiro and [Manuel] Ugarte because the manager can’t adapt his principles/system? Mainoo’s supposed sale won’t even reportedly earn as much money as should be expected so what midfield savior can we even afford to bring in? Just feels like a red flag to me.
“Figure out how to make a meal with the ingredients you have or go back to the Portuguese kitchen where you don’t have to cook against top teams every week.“
In response to the suggestion that I was being a jump-to-conclusions, “fire the manager” Twitter guy.
“I’m not saying we fire Amorim. I’m saying he needs to work with these guys. [Jürgen] Klopp did that. He was a midseason hire and only brought in two guys on a free and four more purchases in the summer heading into his first full year.
“Until this United squad is the platonic ideal of what fits Amorim’s system, he also needs to adapt and work with what he’s got. This close to the end of the window, we’re better off finding a way to make it work then sell Mainoo for 45 million.
“And I’m really struggling to believe that Ugarte is better than Mainoo because I have eyes.“
Somehow, things got so much worse three hours after my lunch.
Grimsby unequivocally was the better team, making United look like the fourth division team. Grimsby were more aggressive in getting touches in the box, looking more dangerous on set pieces and their goalkeeper Christy Pym was playing like Prime Lev Yashin. AND this is all against a near first-choice side chosen by Amorim. United didn’t trot out half of their U-23s. The squad that started the match for United was valued at one billion dollars.
That’s a lot of fish and chips, am I right?
This team trailed 2-0 until the 75th (SEVENTY FIFTH!) minute, and that was merciful considering Grimsby had two other goals disallowed.
Sure, it was good to see Bryan Mbeumo score his first for United to halve the lead before Harry Maguire equalized in the 89th minute with a signature Slabhead goal. United could’ve even squeaked out a win in stoppage time if Matthjis de Ligt wasn’t parallel with Benjamin Šeško in the six-yard box, going for the same ball.
Instead, with United leading 4-3 in the penalty shootout following a good save by Onana, and Matheus Cunha stepping up to close out the game, their brand-spanking new multi, multi-million pound forward took one of the worst penalties I have ever seen. Then neither team missed another penalty until we got past the keepers and restarted the lineups. Mbeumo clanged his attempt against the crossbar, and the Grimsby supporters rushed the field.
Ultimately, Wednesday night was nothing short of calamitous on the pitch, and the manager, either through ill-advised honesty or blatant self-destruction, made the whole vibe even more murky with his post-match comments. Inexplicably, we’re now in a situation, three matches in, that INEOS is giving votes of confidence for the manager they handpicked to fix United, and this weekend’s match at home against Burnley looms ominously.
I think it’s more practical than alarmist now to suggest that Amorim needs to figure this out, and he needs to do it quickly. Whatever goodwill he earned following the season finale win against Aston Villa, his subsequent post-match address to the fans, as well as the summer preseason tour, has surely evaporated. Folks are back to tallying his overall career record at United, and it’s ugly no matter which way you look at it.
I cannot believe the match against Arsenal was only 11 days ago. Feels like a lifetime already as the fringe takes out their torches and pitchforks. How much longer will the moderates be willing to endure this?
It’s time to show improvement. It’s time to justify why this club’s leadership should continue to back your style of play financially. It’s time to stop being a martyr in interviews. It’s time to win. Otherwise, it’ll be time to go.
EFL Cup Round 2 Vibes Reading
Now, the Manchester United 2025-26 Vibes-O-Meter is a very specific device developed with the most advanced science available to us: our gut.
The Vibes-O-Meter uses a scale of 1-10 based on the contemporary highs and lows of the Post-Fergie era; one being the feelings immediately after losing on penalties to fourth division Grimsby Town in the 2025 Carabao Cup Second Round and 10 being the feelings after winning the 2023 Carabao Cup Final.
After Manchester United’s immediate exit in this year’s competition, the vibes-o-meter might need to include negative numbers…
1/10
Positive Influences
- Harry Maguire once again grabbing the match by the scruff of the neck. Proper United footballer — always has been. He and Kobbie Mainoo about the only positive influences on the match.
- Fewer games to play means more time on the training pitch!
- Grimsby made me think about fish and chips, which is always something I like thinking about!
Negative Influences
- Ugarte
- Onana as a starting goalkeeper
- Grimbsy saw the ball hit the net two additional times that ultimately didn’t count, but they were close!
- Cunha’s penalty
- Our brand new striker took the 10th(?!) penalty in the shootout
- Mbeumo’s second penalty
- Being reminded of the 2021 Europa League Final penalty shootout
- Amorim pouting on the bench during the penalty shootout
- Amorim’s post-match comments
