I’m workshopping puns here but Taj Bradley is a surprisingly un-punnable name for one that feels like it should be easier. Let’s brainstorm a few more. No bad ideas! Alternative headline options:
- Taj got Mahal-ed
- Sabo-Taj
- Mon-Taj of Terribleness
- White Sux but Twins Sux More
- The Torment of Existence Weighed Against the Horror of Nonbeing
Please leave other suggestions in the comments. I’m sure we’ll need them over these last five weeks.
In the meantime, how about some Calvin and Hobbes that perfectly encapsulates the experience of watching the post-deadline 2025 Twins.
There was a baseball game played today, unfortunately. Newly acquired Taj
Bradley was on the mound for the Twins, where his Minnesota career got off to a rocky start. The five of the first six White Sox batters reached base, not helped by the Twins’ newly shaky defense, and put the Southsiders up 3-0 before Bradley even got a chance to enjoy Chicago. The first actually could have gone much worse if it wasn’t for a timely strikeout from Andrew Benintendi (Bradley’s lone K on the day) and a scorched fly ball from Chase Meidroth that thankfully stayed in the park.
After another hard hit out to start the second, the White Sox again put together a rally, letting the next five Chicago batters reached base and capped it off with an absolute moonshot by rookie Colson Montgomery, putting the Sox up 7-0. With nothing to lose, Bradley got the chance to finish stronger, which he technically did. Bradley faced the minimum for his remaining three innings, but it was chock full of hard hit outs and didn’t include a single strikeout. He gave up 10 balls hit 95 MPH and his average exit velocity was 91 MPH. Obviously this was about as poorly as a start could go, but he’ll get every opportunity to work out the kinks over the final weeks of this season since with the Twins having nothing to lose.
Not to be outdone, the Twins’ bats were a complete no-show against a pitching staff that is as bad as any in the league. Facing a 25-year-old non-prospect on his third team already this season, the Minnesota bats had absolutely no fight in them. There is quite literally not a single offensive performance worth highlighting in this game.
STUDS
- LOL
DUDS
- Little Joey Pohlad and the oligarchs of America
- Taj Bradley: 5 IP, 9 H, 7 R, 1 BB, 1 K, 1 HR
- Luke Keaschall (sorry, pal): 2 errors (THOUGH I give him a little pass for barely playing the field at all the past two years due to his injuries)
- The entire lineup: 5-32
The series loss moves the Twins to 8-14 since the great deadline fire sale of 2025, and 3-10 over the past two weeks. They have the second-fewest wins in the AL, ahead of only the lowly White Sox who just took a series from them and are finally showing positive signs for the future. But hey, they have the third best MLB lottery odds, so that’s something!
