We come to that time of year where it is rivalry week in the NFL. Unfortunately, we were not able to catch up with Music City Miracles, but we were able to catch up with one of their local competitors as we reached base with Wedge Fickus of the Possum Holler Tribune. They aren’t quite on the internet yet, but they are making inroads and could possibly launch by the end of the decade. Fickus is the winner of the prestigious Golden Marisupial Award for Journalistic Excellence. We caught him on a good
day to ask him five questions about the state of the Titans.
Battle Red Blog: How do you feel about Robert Salah as a head coach so far?
Wedge Fickus: That boy can sure coach em’, but he ain’t got the Jimmy and Joes. He’s got himself a good chucker there, but there ain’t no good runners or boys to catch them chucks from the chucker. We keep getting these boys that can coach em’, but we can never find the boys that can actually do something. Give Salah a nice five seasons and I’m quite sure they will get up to five wins in that amount of time.
BRB: You mentioned Cam Ward. Do you think he is one of the elite quarterbacks in the NFL?
WF: Dammit boy, stop with your high falutin’ terminology for them boys. He’s a chucker. I’m sure you and your fancy numbers will say no, but Ward can chuck that football and he can run it too. I think you fancy city slickers call that a dual threat quarterback. I’ve heard tale he can dance a mean lick and can even belt out a tune, so he’s a quadruple threat in my book. The problem is that there ain’t no one to catch the boys chucks and we are always playing from behind because we are the Titans.
BRB: Are there any new faces we should be concerned about in this matchup?
WF: What is this a Nicholas Cage motif man? Ain’t nobody changing faces here in Possum Holler. We go with the face the good lord gave us. Carnell Tate is a good chuck catcher that has already caught 22 balls for over 300 yards in the early going. My fancy countin skills tell me that could end up being over 500 yards by Christmas. That would make him the best chuck catcher in Titans history damn near. The rest of the picks were on the interior or defensive side of the pigskin, so we don’t pay much attention to dem boys. We just need more chuck catchers.
BRB: Who do Titans fans enjoy beating the most in the division and who do you think wins the AFC South?
WF: You boys in Bayou country absolutely piss us off with your incessant need to wear the Columbia Blue we earned fair and square. Sure, we didn’t keep the name and sure we don’t really celebrate the history, but those damn colors represent excellence and achievement that you boys will never understand. Think of all the great teams in Titans history. Just think of them dammit. You boys want to keep those damn colors because you had them for 37 years. Even your weak local school kids at UH use those colors. We enjoy beating your ass every chance we get. I don’t care what your fancy records say, we own you down here in Possum Holler. As for dem division, I’d glow with the Glitter Kitties in Jacktown. That chucker they got there has some beautiful hair I’ll tell you what. and that is a team with some chuck catchers and even one that plays a little defense on the side. Who doesn’t love that?
BRB: Fanduel has the Texans favored by 7.5 points even though both teams are winless going in. How do you see the game going and are there any prop bets you feel comfortable recommending?
WF: Prop bets? We don’t do any of that Hollywood stuff out here. I think you can bet there are some balls on that sideline and maybe a fan to keep players cool. Those are some props you can bet on. As for the game, I am going all in on my boys. The Columbia blue represents an excellence you Houston boys will never understand. I don’t care how many times you have beaten us in the last three years. Ward is going to chuck that ball and he’ll probably run it too and we will take the game 35-31 in a thrilling back and forth battle. The Houston boys will cry all the way home and finally take their rightful place in last place in the division. Oh, my assistant is telling me that prop bets are side bets. You boys have to stop with the fancy terminology. I like these teams over the 37.5 points as neither defense can stop chuckers.
We want to thank Wedge for taking the time to talk to us and answer our questions about the Titans. As per usual we want to wish Wedge and the Titans the best of luck this season and we hope that luck begins on Monday. Make sure to look in every waste basket and on every porch for your copy of the Possum Holler Tribune as they hope to be on the world wide web by the year 2030.
