What are we doing man.
Game Recap in Three Sentences
A horrific offense managed to gain just 74 first half yards and only scored a single touchdown with six minutes remaining in the game.
Defense was once again a major problem as Pitt ran for nearly 300 yards.
There wasn’t even the chance of something good happening; it was a start-to-finish gross performance all around.
Above The Line of the Week
- Over-buying halloween candy. A neighbor told us to expect 50+ kids, we got about four. I may not have a functional football program to root for but I sure do have enough Twix bars to soften the blow a bit.
- Wearing a light jacket. We’re on a streak of fantastic weather.
- Costco pretzel bagels. Whole-heartedly recommend these to anyone.
What, no performances from the game to list here Chris? Nope! I defy you to look at the box score and find any individual or unit performance to praise as “good”
or even “okay”.
Highlight Tape of the Week
Congrats to Damon Ferguson Jr., the second RB in a row that we’ve allowed a career-best game to: 31 carries for 185 yards and 2 TDs. Same guy who got 6 carries for 22 yards against Miami (OH) by the way. In the same way that P4 teams pay FCS teams to beat up on them, I think we should start charging schools for the privilege of getting some highlight tape against our defense. We’re just giving it away for free right now and we could really use the money to spend on the wrong NIL contracts next year.
5 Star (7 Star, 5 Star) Developmental Program Haiku of the Week
How much is too much
Must we go on, what’s the point
Board up the program
Going Through the Motions
I suppose we are technically fielding a football team. I have to imagine there are regular practices, gym sessions, strategy meetings, and opportunities for individual coaching. You of course wouldn’t be able to tell from any in-game performance, but we all still know that players and coaches are probably doing something with their weekdays other than fighting team doctors. Is that something working to make us a better team? Sure doesn’t seem like it but hey, gotta collect a paycheck right? Maybe we should nepo-hire a few more good old boys from the 90s, surely the next one will be a winner. Might as well get our sixth one-year DC in a row, everyone knows the classic expression sixth time’s the charm.
A year ago we were 8-0, ranked in the top ten, loosely entertaining the idea of Haynes King getting Heisman attention, and feeling like we could only get better. Now we’re staring down the barrel of finishing this season 0-7 and the vibes could not be worse. It’s going to take a minor miracle for this to not be the worst season since 1994 – literally the worst season in my lifetime.
Whatever. I have other things to do. Set your calendars for our likeliest next win, Hampton on October 9th 2027. Maybe we’ll rush the field.
Look Ahead
Up next is Louisville (11/7, 7:30pm). Another night game and probably another embarrassing loss.
