Reflections on drinking my way through the rural Midwest, I guess.
There’s something about drinking a craft beer in what amounts to an abandoned—and repurposed—Perkins that makes you feel…well, “at home” isn’t right, but it’s something like that.
There’s nothing romantic about Pierre, South Dakota.
It was some summer in the last ten years. I was in the “broke grad student” phase of my life, camping in various state parks around the Upper Midwest while doing the work that now gets me paid so poorly that I still
write this and other columns to buy shoes for my kids. It’s great. Things are fine. I love it. I swear.
There are twelve thousand people or so in Pierre. The sun goes up, the sun goes down. Little changes. If the South Dakota legislature isn’t in session, the town could be New Ulm, Minnesota, or Platteville, Wisconsin, or Ionia, Michigan.
For fifteen months, it was home to Bill of Rights Brewery.
That’s all it was. Imagine your average Ground Round, or Perkins, or Bakers Square, or Village Inn, or whatever else—just some generic sit-down breakfast-and-dinner chain joint, only at the back, now, was a bar and brewery. You walked past miles of tables that, given the brewery’s quick demise, I’m sure were rarely full—all to get to a bar that seated five and was filled on that Thursday afternoon by two of the brewer’s friends or family members.
But there was a ballgame on the TV, I had a few American dollars in my pocket, and I was interested in what they had to sell. So we got to talking.
This was 2017, part of the craft beer boom. He was getting a decent traffic, he claimed, but was struggling to distribute even locally with South Dakota’s arcane craft brewing laws. Something about the government.
The honey basil ale, though. That was worth the conversation.
It was brewed, he swore, with Black Hills honey and fresh-grown basil. I had no reason not to believe him. And shit, did that beer hit. Smooth, a nice basil-y spice to it, but crisp enough that it wasn’t overwhelming or kitschy or anything else. I brought a growler back to my campsite, though not after explaining to a bearded hermit in Pierre why I had a Northwestern-branded growler in central South Dakota.
The brewery didn’t last a year after I was there. I never got to drink that beer again.
That process has, of course, repeated itself over and over and over again as the craft beer industry faces down changing markets and demographics. (I, for one, am excited to blame the youth.) The cooperative brewery I belong to, Fair State in Northeast Minneapolis, went through bankruptcy proceedings and sold off its off-site production facility, leaning more heavily into its Chill State THC line. One of my favorite out-of-the-way trivia spots, Alloy Brewing in Coon Rapids, just closed permanently. (Their Ben’s Minnesota Martini was a nostalgic favorite, but I enjoyed their high-gravity stuff a lot, too.)
And it means that, as I look back through my photo albums—one of the oldest sentences I’ve ever written—and look back at a few of the other craft breweries that are no longer there, I figured I’d shout them out. In no particular order…
Bank Brewing (Hendricks, MN)
I’ve surely talked about this one before. Tiny Hendricks, MN, population 713. A 30-minute drive from Brookings, SD, easily the nearest “big” town.
Brewery was exactly what the name said: in an old bank on the corner of Main Street. There were four taps, and each one was a pint pour. Did it matter for their Foreclosure, pictured above, a barleywine that weighed in at 11%. That plus my favorite of their beers, an over-smoked Smoke Bomb, and I was done. Thank God everyone who sat down here also got offered a massive boat of popcorn and a literal bucket of peanuts.
Bank closed in 2022.
Kilstone Brewing (Fargo, ND)
One of the few breweries I made it back to—only because their watermelon wheat was a perfect beer for my wife after she ran the Fargo Marathon. Across I-29 from the rest of Fargo, miles away from downtown and in a hard-to-navigate industrial park, this one felt doomed. They made plans to move in 2019, then closed instead.
Rhombus Guys Brewing (Grand Forks, ND)
Good pizza. Downtown Grand Forks. Had some maintenance issues come up in 2023, then just decided to keep their other, pizza-only restaurant, and close the brewery.
No strong memories here—it was late and I was camping across the river in East Grand Forks, so a beer rather than self-loathing in a tent sounded like a good idea.
Others? Memories?
This article gets too long as it is—2290 and I haven’t put a bow on the games yet—and my memory has become hazy from having two kids (we welcomed Wildkit2 in April) and, well, these being breweries around the Upper Midwest. So a few more that I’d like to shout out—and hear yours in the comments…
- Peace Tree Brewing (Knoxville, IA) — Blonde Fatale was not my favorite beer, but it was a ubiquitous brand in the earlier craft heyday in Iowa. Was surprised to see it go.
- PrairieBerry Winery and Miner Brewing (Hill City, SD, with a Sioux Falls taproom) — both closed in 2022-23. Their Red Ass Rhubarb wine was good, and their East Bank taproom in Sioux Falls was a nice little boutique spot.
- Round Man Brewing (Spooner, WI) — while their new barbecue joint and taproom in nearby Trego is staying open, the flagship site is closing due to the cost of managing a downtown lease and the owners looking to lighten their load, I’m told. Challenges of doing business in a small town.
- Chanhassen Brewing (Chanhassen, MN) — ran a nice little coffee and beer business out of what looked like an old Ruby Tuesday’s, but costs rose and distribution never took off. Closed early 2025. They were open early, and for someone writing a whole-ass book, the space to have two coffees and then a beer at 11am was always appreciated.
Share your spots or thoughts in the comments. I’m missing about ten from the Milwaukee area, I know, and dozens more around the region. But this has gotten long enough, and now I just want that honey basil ale all over gain. Alas.
Anyway, welcome back to Don’t Watch This; Watch That. If you’re new here (though odds are good you’re not), here’s the entire conceit:
- There are good college football games out there that you miss because you are force-fed a diet of “CLEMSON PLAYS TENNESSEE IN A CUSTOM-BUILT STADIUM ON THE MOON! HOW WILL IT AFFECT THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF?!”, and
- that is terrible. So,
- to remedy that, I go through the whole* college football schedule and tell you what games you should watch. Along the way, if you learn something, I can only apologize.
* Yes, the whole schedule. To my knowledge, I am the only person (1) doing this, and (2) doing it with a semicolon in the title. It used to be that (2) was the only unique thing.
I know, as well, that I used to include all sorts of soccer, volleyball, basketball, and other sports. Until further notice, I’m burned out as fuck, have a new semester starting, need to index a book of my own, and just don’t want to. So you can tell me everything I’ve misssed—and remind me that I’m a horrible person—in the comments.
Thursday Evening
Don’t Watch This
Ohio Bobcats at Rutgers Scarlet Knights (-15.5, O/U 51.5) [5pm, BTN]
Lafayette Leopards at Bowling Green Falcons (-15.5, O/U 51.5) [5pm, ESPN+]
Jacksonville State Gamecocks at UCF Citronauts (-20.5, O/U 53) [6pm, ESPN+]
Delaware State Hornets at Delaware Fightin’ Blue Hens (-29.5, O/U 54.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
St. Francis (PA) Red Flash at UL Monroe Warhawks (-25.5, O/U 45.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
Towson Tigers at Norfolk State Spartans [6pm, ESPNU]
Wyoming Cowboys (-5.5, O/U 48) at Akron Zips [6pm, ESPN+]
UT-Martin Skyhawks at Oklahoma State Cowboys (-20.5, O/U 55.5) [6:30pm, ESPN+]
Central Arkansas Bears at Missouri Tigers (-36.5, O/U 51.5) [6:30pm, SECN]
Elon Phoenix at Duke Blue Devils (-33.5, O/U 47.5) [6:30pm, ACCNX]
Buffalo Bulls at Minnesota Golden Gophers (-17.5, O/U 43.5) [7pm, FS1]
Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks at Houston Cougars (-22.5, O/U 55.5) [7pm, ESPN+]
Alabama State Hornets at UAB Blazers [7:30pm, ESPN+]
Miami Hydroxide Redhawks at wisconsin badgers (-17.5, O/U 41) [8pm, BTN]
Stony Brook Seawolves at San Diego State Aztecs (-18.5, O/U 53.5) [9pm, MWN]
Watch That
#25 Boise State Broncos at South Florida Bulls
4:30pm | ESPN | Boise -5.5 | O/U 62.5
East Carolina Pirates at North Carolina State Wolfpack
6pm | ACCN | NC State -14 | O/U 61.5
Nebraska Cornhuskers vs. Cincinnati Bearcats
8pm | ESPN | UNL -6.5 | O/U 51.5
This article breaks me.
Not just DWT;WT in general—though the conceit of running through one hundred-some college football games drives me insane.
Not just Off Tackle Empire or SBNation or the smoking crater that is Vox Media—though, well, y’know.
But the first week of college football is a lot, because this goes long Thursday, goes long Friday, and then tags on Sunday and Monday editions.
Do I need to bring you any of this? Probably not. But I do anyway, probably out of vanity but maybe out of some sort of sick enjoyment of knowing that UNLV is traveling to Sam Houston State for some reason and also that Rebels rushing attack might be tough this year.
There were going to be surprise polls today—turns out SBN has a temporary fix but says they’re working on adding a plugin to our new WordPress editor!—but, you’ll be stunned to learn, the site is down.
Alas! Next week month platform!
Friday Evening
Don’t Watch This
Kennesaw Hustlin’ Owls at Wake Forest Demon Deacons (-17.5, O/U 51) [6pm, ACCN]
Western Michigan Broncos at Michigan State Spartans (-20.5, O/U 49.5) [6pm, FS1]
Bethune-Cookman Wildcats at FIU Sunblazers [6pm, ESPN+]
Western Illinois Leathernecks at #12 Illinois Fighting Illini (-45.5, O/U 63.5) [6:30pm, Peacock]
Wagner Seahawks at Kansas Jayhawks (-45.5, O/U 56.5) [6:30pm, ESPN+]
Auburn Tigers (-2.5, O/U 58.5) vs. Baylor Bears [7pm, FOX]
Watch That
Tarleton State Texans at Army Black Knights
5pm | CBSSN | Army -14.5 | O/U 51.5
Appalachian State Mountaineers at Charlotte 49ers
6pm | ESPNU | App State -5.5 | O/U 49.5
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets at Colorado Buffaloes
7pm | ESPN | GaTech -4.5 | O/U 52.5
I, for one, do not need more Auburn-Baylor in my life. Georgia Tech-Colorado was a late add to this lineup — but tell me, I suppose, what else you’d rather be watching?
The App State-Charlotte game feels like a rivalry trying to be forced, here, but the way ECU and NC State like trying to beat the shit out of each other, I’m all for more of this in my life.
It’s late and I’m drunk: Friday Edition
Don’t Watch This
Watch That
UNLV Rebels at Sam Houston Bearkats
8:30pm | CBSSN | UNLV -9.5 | O/U 61.5
Central Michigan Chippewas at San Jose State Spartans
9:30pm | FS1 | SJSU -13.5 | O/U 51
Odds are that ONE of these games will be decent. My money is on UNLV-Sam Houston—why yes, that is disgraced wisconsin OC Phil Longo as head coach of the Bearkats, because the Rebels played nary a lick of defense in a one-score win over FCS also-ran Idaho State.
Have to show a little love, though, for the Ken Niumatalolo resurgence at San Jose State! Under Coach Ken the Spartans went 7-6, barely a speed bump after Brent Brennan left for Arizona, with WR Nick Nash and RB Floyd Chalk boosting my fantasy team each week. Nash is off to the NFL, but the rest of the pieces and a rebuilt WR corps could be exciting again. That should be enough against a CMU program that fired Jim McElwain and hired…Army’s offensive line coach?
Best of luck to Matt Drinkall and the Chips. May you fire up…and fast.
Saturday Morning
Don’t Watch This
#1 Texas Longhorns at #3 Ohio State Buckeyes (-1.5, O/U 47.5) [11am, FOX]
Syracuse Orange at #24 Tennessee Volunteers (-13.5, O/U 51) [11am, ABC]
VMI Keydets at Navy Midshipmen [11am, CBSSN]
Duquesne Dukes at Pittsburgh Panthers [11am, ACCN]
Balls Tate Robotbirds at Purdue Boilermakers (-17.5, O/U 49.5) [11am, BTN]
FAU Owls at Maryland Terrapins (-14.5, O/U 61.5) [11am, BTN]
Merrimack Warriors at Kent State Golden Flashes (-6.5, O/U 50.5) [11am, ESPN+]
Toledo Rockets at Kentucky Wildcats (-8.5, O/U 48) [11:45am, SECN]
Seek Immediate Help and/or Medical Attention
Northwestern Wildcats at Tulane Green Wave
11am | ESPNU | Tulane -6 | O/U 45.5
Mississippi State Bulldogs at Southern Miss Golden Eagles
11am | ESPN | CLANGA -12.5 | O/U 61.5
Shoutout to Pitt, first of all, playing a game at 10am local time. Utter malarkey.
It’s worth calling your attention in this slot, as well, to two other things:
- Merrimack—a relative newcomer to FCS—less than a touchdown dog at moribund Kent State.
- Toledo—a MAC front-runner, but still—only an 8.5-point underdog at Kentucky.
You are no doubt scoffing at the two games I have told you that you Should Watch. HOWEVER. You will see, hear, and have every minute detail of Texas-Ohio State rehashed so many times that it’ll have been like you were right there. That, and no one wants to listen to the Arch Manning Tonguebath Hour.
Saturday Afternoon
Don’t Watch This
Bobby Morris Colonials at West Virginia Mountaineers [1pm, ESPN+]
Central Connecticut Blue Devils at UConn Huskies [1pm, UConn+]
Fordham Rams at Boston College Eagles [1pm, ACCNX]
Old Dominion Monarchs at #20 Indiana Hoosiers (-23.5, O/U 54.5) [1:30pm, FS1]
Eastern Kentucky Colonels at Lhvl Crdnls [2pm, ACCN]
South Dakota Coyotes at #22 Iowa State Cyclones [2:30pm, FOX]
Nevada Wolf Pack at #2 Penn State Nittany Lions (-44, O/U 56.6) [2:30pm, CBS]
Marshall Thundering Herd at #5 Georgia Bulldogs (-39.5, O/U 55.5) [2:30pm, ESPN]
#8 Alabama Crimson Tide (-13.5, O/U 50.5) at Florida State Seminoles [2:30pm, ABC]
Bucknell Bison at Air Force Falcons [2:30pm, CBSSN]
Holy Cross Crusaders at Northern Illinois Huskies [2:30pm, ESPN+]
Montana State Bobcats at #7 Oregon Ducks [3pm, BTN]
Maine Black Bears [3pm, ESPN+]
Howard Bison vs. Florida A&M Rattlers [3pm, ESPNU]
Alabama A&M Bulldogs at Arkansas Razorbacks [3:15pm, SECN]
Chattanooga Mocs at Memphis Tigers [3:30pm, ESPN+]
Watch That
Temple Owls at Massachusetts Minutemen
2:30pm | ESPN+ | Temple -2.5 | O/U 47.5
There is no game on this slate that comes close to the viewing pleasure you will get from Temple-UMass.
Also, just because I’m midway through this article and my energy is flagging, a real shoutout to Ralphie VI for doing what, well, we all wish we could do:
May your days be filled with lots of standing around and grazing, Ralphie VI. May all of our days be so blessed.
Saturday Evening
Don’t Watch This
Illinois State Redbirds at #18 Oklahoma Sooners [5pm, SECN+]
Albany Great Danes at Iowa Hawkeyes [5pm, FS1]
Coastal Carolina Chanticleers at Virginia Cavaliers (-11.5, O/U 58.5) [5pm, ACCN]
Weber State Wildcats at James Madison Dukes [5pm, ESPN+]
LIU Sharks at #15 Florida Gators [6pm, SECN+]
North Dakota Fighting Hawks at #17 Kansas State Wildcats [6pm, ESPN+]
UTSA Roadrunners at #19 Texas A&M Aggies (-24.5, O/U 57.5) [6pm, ESPN]
Charleston Southern Buccaneers at Vanderbilt Commodores [6pm, ESPN+]
SEMO State Redhawks at Arkansas State Red Wolves [6pm, ESPN+]
North Alabama Lions at Western Kentucky Hilltoppers [6pm, ESPN+]
Let’s Go Peay at Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders [6pm, ESPN+]
Nicholls State Colonels at Troy Trojans [6pm, ESPN+]
Morgan State Bears at South Alabama Jaguars [6pm, ESPN+]
Eastern Washington Eagles at Incarnate Word Cardinals [6pm, ESPN+]
#9 LSU Tigers vs. #4 Clemson Tigers (-3.5, O/U 57.5) [6:30pm, ABC]
New Mexico Lobos at #14 Michigan Wolverines (-34.5, O/U 49.5) [6:30pm, NBC]
UA Pine Bluff Golden Lions at #23 Texas Tech Red Raiders [6:30pm, ESPN+]
Missouri State Bears at USC Trojans (-45.5, O/U 59.5) [6:30pm, BTN]
Southeast Louisiana Lions at Louisiana Tech Bulldogs [6:30pm, ESPN+]
Georgia State Panthers at #21 Ole Miss Rebels (-34.5, O/U 60.5) [6:45pm, SECN]
Portland State Vikings at BYU Cougars [7pm, ESPN+]
Rice Owls at Louisiana Ragin’ Cajuns (-11.5, O/U 47.5) [7pm, ESPN+]
Lamar Cardinals at North Texas Mean Green [7pm, ESPN+]
Abilene Christian Wildcats at Tulsa Golden Hurricane [7pm, ESPN+]
Watch That
#14 Sacramento State Hornets at #3 South Dakota State Jackrabbits
6pm | ESPN+
UTEP Miners at Utah State Aggies
6:30pm | CBSSN | USU -6 | O/U 60.5
Eastern Michigan Eagles at Texas State Bobcats
7pm | ESPN+ | Texas State -13.5 | O/U 58.5
My ideal nonconference game types, ranked:
- P4 program plays at G5 program
- G5 program plays at G5 program (weird time edition)
- P4 program plays at P4 program (must be home site)
- Any game including Hawai’i on Hawai’i time that was not included above
- G5 program plays vs. G5 program (neutral site edition)
- P4 program plays vs. P4 program (international edition)
- G5 program plays at G5 program (normal time edition)
- P4 program plays vs. P4 program (neutral site edition)
- FCS program plays vs. G5 program
- FCS program plays vs. P4 program
- Any game including Michigan or Ohio State
Anything I missed here?
It’s late and I’m drunk: Saturday Edition
Don’t Watch This
East Texas A&M Lions at #16 SMU Cocaineponies [8pm, ACCN]
Bryant Bulldogs at New Mexico State Aggies [8pm, ESPN+]
Northern Arizona Lumberjacks at #11 Arizona State Sun Devils [9pm, ESPN+]
Idaho Vandals at Washington State Cougars [9pm, The CW]
#7 UC Davis Aggies at Utah Tech Trailblazers [9pm, ESPN+]
Hawai’i Vandals at Arizona Wildcats (-17.5, O/U 52.5) [9:30pm, TNT]
Utah Utes (-5.5, O/U 51.5) at UCLA Bruins [10pm, FOX]
Watch That
Georgia Southern Eagles at Fresno State Bulldogs
8:30pm | FS1 | Southern -1.5 | O/U 51.5
California Golden Bears at Oregon State Beavers
9:30pm | ESPN | Beavs -1.5 | O/U 49.5
Colorado State Rams at Washington Huskies
10pm | BTN | Washington -21.5 | O/U 53.5
THIS is a goddamn late-night slate. Hawai’i-Arizona could have a whole bunch of points and not much defense. Idaho, if they can keep the program together after Jason Eck left for New Mexico, is good enough to hang with Wazzu for a little bit in a rivalry game—the Battle of the Palouse! Utah-UCLA will be solid viewing for anyone who likes watching people beat each other with socks full of nickels, though it’s down there on the list of P4-at-P4 games I want to see.
AND THEN! We get a whole bunch from above: Cal-Oregon State in the P4-at-G5 construct. We get G5-at-G5 with potential for points. We get a Colorado State team that I don’t think should be 21-point dogs to Washington, but I’m an absolute idiot.
Most important: there are options. God bless us, everyone.
Sunday
Don’t Watch This
#6 Notre Dame (-2.5, O/U 49.5) vs. #10 Miami Fluoride [6:30pm, ABC]
Watch That
Virginia Tech Hokies vs. #13 South Carolina Gamecocks
2pm | ESPN | SC -7.5 | O/U 52.5
I mean, y’all can enjoy watching Notre Dame-Miami and seeing the forced attempts to remake “CATHOLICS VS. CONVICTS” all over again.
The only version of that I’m actually interested in is Brian Kelly being brought out in a stockade.
Monday
Don’t Watch This
Watch That
TCU Horned Frogs vs. North Carolina Tar Heels
7pm | ESPN | TCU -3.5 | O/U 56.5
Sure. This is a game people want, right? Red-assed Sonny Dykes against red-assed Bill Belichick? SO MUCH SIDELINE SCOWLING SHOTS.
Enjoy the games, everyone. Dead Read has had to step away from OTE, and I’d like to use this opportunity to thank him for being our faithful, patient, and consistent game thread shepherd for…jeez, something like six or seven years?
He’ll still be around, life just happens, y’know? You’re the best, DR.
Here’s your thread for Thursday’s football action. Grab a beer; you’ve earned it.
