You have no idea what I did today to get to this spot (back on my couch, windows open, birds chirping, Dr. Pepper in hand yeah like I’m auditioning for a spot in Fansville). Just believe me when I say, I earned it. I very much earned it.
Now, before we get into it, I think it’s necessary to give you all a little reminder on how I run the BHGP “Quick” Recap (it’s never quick with me). I write this all in real time. I don’t hold back. If I think it, I write it and this year, I’m even including timestamps
so you can go back and check my work or follow along on a rewatch. Just like I would never judge any of you for overreacting, don’t throw any shade my way. I just love this team with every fiber of my being and I want them to dominate every single snap every single game. Yes, I know that’s impossible, but the heart wants what it wants.
Alright, now that we reestablished the rules… YOU READY?
Me too.
Let’s Hawkeye Football.
Let’s tie a record.
First Quarter
12:56 – Alright, it’s not the most hard hitting football take in the world, but is this the most tan offensive line you’ve ever seen before? The last time I saw this much farmers tan I was on a literal farm in Manor, Georgia. Add in the late afternoon sun gracing the beautiful Kinnick Stadium, crispy black uniforms and the boys are looking GOOD.
10:13 – Iowa should just go ahead and run for 300+ yards today. Albany doesn’t have the horses to handle this attack. Inside. Outside. Counters. It’s all just going to be too much.
9:39 thru 8:54 – Mark Gronowski with his best Cade McNamara impression right out of the gates. First drive jitters? First game adrenaline? Little bit of both? Probably… but I’d be lying to you if I wasn’t thinking about the dog/Vietnam flashback meme right now:
3-0 HAWKEYES
5:55 – Yes, it goes down as a sack, BUT Mark Gronowski just eating a shot and standing tall like he was Ben freaking Roethlisberger in his prime was badass. After seeing a bunch of quarterbacks just get bamboozled and crushed the last several years, it was kind of refreshing seeing a dude just lay the Sunshine shoulder down and then immediately look down field as a dude tries to put him in a Kurt Angle Ankle Lock. Now, a wonderful 3rd and 18 to navigate… the more things change.
00:00 – I MISSED THE WAVE! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!
Also, FS1 just showed a Cy-Hawk Big Noon trailer for next week and I’m officially choosing to believe that Gronowski and Tim Lester are just keeping it all in the bag. This is all fineeeeeeee. We’re just sandbagging.
Second Quarter
14:34 – Albany is now in Iowa territory and I hate myself for what I said above. We’re not hiding shit – we’ve apparently just left the offense at tan camp. WHY IS IT SO HARD? WHY CAN’T I HAVE NICE THINGS? WHY AM I THE WAY THAT I AM?
11:58 – A false start by the Dane forces them into a seemingly difficult 3rd and 7 on the Iowa nine yard line – BUT because I absolutely jinxed us, this little baller Jack freaking Shields buys some time and puts a ball on a rope for a touchdown. Phil Parker might light the whole depth chart on fire (along with every defensive player on the sideline) after that 9 play, 68 yard drive…most of it coming against TJ Hall, Koen Entringer and Zach Lutmer. YICK.
7-3, Albany.
10:51 – BACK TO BACK RUNS BY XAVIER WILLIAMS AND WE’RE BACK IN BUSINESS! R-E-L-A-X J-E-R-R-Y
7:28 – Back to Iowa freaking Football baby! Xaxier Williams capitalized a wonderful get right drive after we just rammed the ball down Albany’s throat. It’s like Tim Lester heard me earlier. Run, run, run the ball. Extra points if its with a QB who doesn’t give a rip and just throws his shoulder into any poor soul that dare try to make a whimpy tackle on him (which also garners all of the Tim Tebow comps).
10-7, good guys back on top… sounds like Kamari Moulton is OUT for the rest of the game. But with mini-Shonn Greene in the fold (X Dub), it shouldn’t be an issue. Of all the position groups to have an early injury, it’s a blessing its the runningbacks.
2:52 – ANOTHER HUGE RUN FOR XAVIER WILLIAMS – THIS TIME TAKING A TOSS FOR 43-YARDS. THIS KID IS HIM. PROFESSOR X KNOWS ALL. FEED HIM UNTIL HE’S FULL AND HE’S NEVER FULL.
90 yards on FIVE carries. FIVE. 1-2-3-4-FIFFFFFFF.
1:54 – After Tim Lester keeps the ball in Gronowski’s hands on a QB keeper that ultimately gets stuffed after the pads were poppin, Kirk Ferentz decides to GO FOR IT on 4th and Goal from the 2-yard line and it PAYS OFF!
Who is this man and what has he done with my head football coach? I cannot believe he went for it. I can’t believe he went for it with a pass call. I can’t believe he trusted a quarterback to even handle that in any situation, period.
17-7, Iowa and the boys are starting to feel GOOOOOOD.
1:41 – After a Max Llewellyn SACK and a beautiful pass break up by Deshaun Lee, Iowa sits on the ball and takes it into halftime.
It was a rough start but after 14 unanswered, the boys have seemingly shaken off the early jitters/rust. MAJOR props on that 4th down call by Ferentz and Lester to make sure the got the boys a much deserved touchdown. It feels like between the spark from X Dub and that 4th down touchdown, Iowa can finally take a big deep breath and cake walk their way to a Week-1 win and start to get ready for Hate Week at BIG NOON.
THIRD QUARTER
11:57 – We’re just starting to see the added wrinkle that is QB1’s wheels, but if he can stay healthy, its going to be paramount to Iowa’s success on offense. Yes, I know, as a whole, it hasn’t looked like a well oiled machine today (so far), but it’s Week-1. Alabama lost, Boise State lost and a whole slew of teams had failures to launch. But with the dudes we have up front and the stable of runningbacks showing up and showing out today, a QB that can run and theoretically pass, is a HUGE upgrade for the entire system that will force opposing defenses to have to pay attention. That’s a WIN.
5:43 – 14 plays and over 8-minutes crapped off by another Gronowski Plunge for a touchdown AND HE’S DOWN. AND HE’S DOWN. PLEASE AIHQBG PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO ME NOW. GET UP! GET UP! GET UP!
24-7, all Hawks Hawks Hawks
Also, looks like just a cramp for QB1. Hail Mary full of grace.
4:31 – I feel like I haven’t mentioned the GOOD things I’ve seen from the defense much at all tonight.
*Checks Notes*
Yeah, that’s on me. I get excited. Plus, it’s just so easy to do with a Phil Parker defense because they just continue to do what they do and when they don’t it’s shocking. What a luxury. Anyways, he’s a few dudes that I’ve written down as “Guys I keep focusing on”:
- Karson Sharar – there were a TON of questions about the linebackers coming into this season and this dude is making me feel more and more confident by the snap. He’s ready.
- Deshaun Lee might be another shut down corner for the Hawkeyes and I’ve been very impressed with TJ Hall’s ability to be involved. If Phil Parker can work his usual magic here, this unit has major potential and are easily an upgrade over what we had last season. I was a little quick to rip Entringer and Lutmer earlier, but they buttoned it up in the second half and seem to be working well as a unit. If Lee can be the next Desmond King/Josh Jackson/Cooper DeJean/Riley Moss etc etc etc, and TJ Hall keeps flying all over the field, the secondary SHOULD be ok.
- I mentioned Llewellyn’s sack earlier, but he’s been close on his own in the four man rush several times and if Shields was just a little less athletic, he’d probably have tallied up a few more by now.
:44 – Hank Brown in after another cramp from Gronowski. We’re ok. We’re ok. Just keep swimming.
FOURTH QUARTER
14:18 – Drew Stevens just nailed a 55-yard field goal that was probably good from 70. I love when you can tell that Kirk Ferentz just believes in his guys. It doesn’t happen every season, but when it does, it’s usually something special.
27-7 and that’s now 24 straight points for the beloved.
10:48 – AARON GRAVES IS THE UNDERTAKER – NASTY NASTY SACK.
I know it’s Albany, but this defense is answering a lot of questions today.
3:42 – Big Hank Brown comes in and orchestrates yet another ho-hum 12 play, 66 yard drive that ends with a Brown Bulldozer into the endzone for a touchdown. This Iowa team is just impressing their will on Albany and you can tell their toast.
34-7, Hawks and that’s the ball game.
ALSO *taps sign*:
“Iowa should just go ahead and run for 300+ yards today. Albany doesn’t have the horses to handle this attack. Inside. Outside. Counters. It’s all just going to be too much.”
Iowa finishes with a bajillion rushing yards. Yes, that’s an official stat. Don’t @ me with your passing garbage. It never was going to matter today… we all knew it from the first drive. Run the ball. Win the game. Move on to the Clowns.
This was a beautiful Saturday. We’re 1-0. Kirk ties Woody. Iowa dominated who they were supposed to dominate and I’m going to go have a proverbial cigarette by watching Brian Kelly lose.
PLAY THE POLKA!
