Old Man
Boarders is one of my favorite shows in recent years. Without turning this into a Boarders recap, the long and short of the show is it features a group of unprivileged British kids on scholarship at a posh private school. One of the kids decides he needs something major on his CV as they prepare to wave bye-bye to high school and step into the real world. He runs for this prestigious position the school, which,
of course is just a popularity contest. Rather than let his opponents diss him for his foibles, he pulls an Eminem. Putting his mistakes and accidents on front street takes all of the air out of them, therefore giving his rivals nothing to say.
I was all set to talk about how Roman Reigns did that to CM Punk on Raw. Early in the evening’s proceedings, Roman said Punk has nothing new to say about him since he keeps falling back on the “part-timer” thing. Reigns took that perceived weakness and turned it into a strength by referencing the time his dad, and his cousin’s dad, spent with them as kids. If being a part-timer makes Roman a “full-time father,” he said he’ll take that all day. It was a dope moment that made Punk look small. Maybe I’m just a softie but it’s dope that Reigns or anyone else is is a position to spend more time with their family than on the road working for their family. The move put Punk in a weird position because who can argue with anyone trying to be a full-time parent and partner?
Like I said, I was prepared to talk about that. But then their main event promo happened. Roman’s been on the wrong end of these things in terms of letting Punk get inside his head. Even before Punk disrespected Roman’s dad, Roman lifted that cool as ice veil in their first go round to tell the world how much he hates Punk. So it was time for a table turner. But how? Well, Roman kept it simple: Punk is old.
Now, that may not sound like much, but within the larger context, it’s obvious why it got under Punk’s skin. Remember when AJ Styles retired? Of course you do, it was all of five minutes ago. Punk confronted AJ but later said AJ’s sunset made him think about his. John Cena is gone. AJ is gone. If they’re “too old for this shit” then what does that say about him?
Of course the thing that gets under Punk’s skin is his mortality. Besides the lack of spring in his chicken, he’s suffered several pretty big injuries in successive years. He knows the end is nigh, even if he doesn’t want to admit it out loud. Roman doing so cut a nerve. How can one be the best in the world if they can barely keep up with the rest of the world? The line also plays into the psychology for most of Punk’s matches these days; they’re a bit slower, require more effort, and look like they take a huge physical toll on the champ. Punk’s subtly telling the story of a guy slowing down. Roman is always telling the story of a guy only getting better. They’re not that far apart in age, but as a man with a hat once said, it’s not the years, it’s the mileage.
Funny enough, Roman’s desire to be a better dad and husband than his late father was plays into him clocking less miles, putting him in a position to be all the things he told Punk he is in that ring.
B-Sides
- I really dug how they plotted out Original Recipe El Grande Americano vs “Real” El Grande Americano. It established a few things: First, OG might be the better wrestler. Secondly, that first thing matters less since he rolls solo. And C, no matter what PG does, “Real” El Grande’s crew will always give him the upper hand, even when it looks like those hands are tied behind his back. Take the ending for example (and you kinda have to since I’m the one writing this) where it featured a bunch of confusion. The chaos led to Bravo sneaking in the ring unseen, and slipping the dreaded metal plate under “Real” El Grande’s mask while he laid flat on his back in the middle of the ring. This played perfectly into OG’s penchant for diving headbutts off the top rope. As soon as he went up, the audience yelled at him not to do it. But hey, mistakes happen. OG went airborne before his lights went out on impact. “Real” El Grande eventually rolled over for the three-count and that was that. This is obviously far from over but OG needs to even the odds if he wants a chance. Dope storytelling for the match that also informed the larger tale.
- AJ Lee defeated Bayley by the skin of her teeth. This was a solid match with big enough names worthy of a much bigger show, so of course I enjoyed it. But I really liked AJ eeking out the victory. It’s a nice way to illustrate she’s still getting her groove back, despite being a champion. There’s realism there, and Bayley is the perfect opponent for that course of action. I will say it sucks Bayley keeps getting close to these moments and coming up with goose egg. Not saying I expected her to win but I want more for her. That said, it looks like she and Lyra Valkyria have sights set on the Women’s tag titles. Nice moment later in the show where Lyra picked up her friend’s down spirits and told her they’re both going to WrestleMania.
- I don’t have to worry about Becky Lynch’s plan though. She attacked AJ after the match. Well, not just attacked; she did her best to destroy the Women’s Intercontinental Champion. This is clearly setting the stage for the Mania tangle. It’s thankfully a very simple setup.
- Maxxine, Maxxine. I had such hopes for her. But after Nattie knocked her out several weeks ago, and now made her tap out in the middle of the ring this week, my hopes for Maxxine are nothing but a memory. That about wraps this up, right?
- “Wrestling has more than one royal family.” No, I’m not enamored with Cody Rhodes’ theme. Randy Orton said those words to Michael Cole during their very brief interview. And he did so in a very ominous way. Before that, he said someone reminded him he’s a killer. So yeah, Randy has someone up his sleeve or under his hat, depending on which magician cliche you abide by.
- Dragon Lee stepped up to Penta’s challenge this week and it was a hell of a match. That’s the most I can say about it besides suggesting anyone reading this watch it. Penta defeated Dragon, of course, but this was just a lot of fun. Dragon definitely needs a boost after losing his tag partner. This isn’t that boost but hopefully his direction shakes out soon.
- No Finn Balor this week. He’s reportedly in bad shape after last week’s excommunication. Good on the territory for producing a video featuring Liv Morgan talking about this being her master plan from jump. I like it because there was always tension between Liv and Finn. And, as she said, this is the Judgment Day way.
- Last but certainly not least: OBA FEMI. I usually don’t add videos to this part but I feel compelled to do so. A segment that started with Seth Rollins and his merry hooded men ended with Brock Lesnar making Oba into possibly one of the company’s biggest stars. And it took all of 30 seconds, if that much. Brock was brilliant here. He looked shook as soon as Oba’s music hit and wanted no parts of the big man. He sold the Fall from Grace perfectly and had no problem looking like a child. He even told Oba to put his foot on his chest! It truly made me forget all the stuff with Seth and Paul Heyman prior to that, but it’s worth noting that Seth is on a mission to eradicate The Vision until there’s nothing left. I’m pretty sure injuries did that for you, bruv.
- Speaking of The Vision, Logan Paul & Austin Theory need gold. Paul told them gold is power, so they’re taking on The Usos next week. Those same Usos now have tension with LA Knight since he doesn’t like them paling around with their Tribal Chief cousin. LA thinks the “Bloodline of old” might become a thing again and he can’t abide that. That does look like where this is headed, doesn’t it?
Excellent Raw. It opened big and ended big. And nothing in the middle felt like filler. Oba will be the big story here but I couldn’t resist diving a bit into some longterm storytelling with CM Punk and Roman Reigns.
What say you, Cagesiders? Does Brock Lesnar have a shot at Oba Femi? Is this Brock’s last WrestleMania?
