In the strangest Family Feud episode ever, Uncle Dennis has usurped his nephew as the biggest Spurs villain in their family.
It was a tightly contested match, with UD (representing “Spurs Haters”) just narrowly beating Kawhi (representing “Former Spurs”) 53-47. I mean, how could you choose? Should you vote for Kawhi, the actual player and face of all this scrutiny, or Uncle Dennis, the mastermind behind it all? I would’ve bet my entire life savings on Kawhi dominating the tournament, but after the recent
events surrounding the Aspiration scandal, I think the voters got it right.
On the other side of the bracket, Zaza from the “Dirty Players” quadrant edged out Derek Fisher, who led the “Spurs Killers” section. I find it hilarious how both finalists are directly related to Kawhi, yet neither is the Nephew himself. He still lives rent-free in the heads of Spurs fans, and given what’s gone down the past year, that also applies to the NBA as a whole.
The Finals
1. Zaza Pachulia vs. 4. Uncle Dennis Robertson
Zaza coming out of his side of the bracket makes sense. He was the sole reason why we didn’t get to see a more competitive Western Conference Finals in 2017 against the greatest team ever assembled, with the Spurs up 20 when he conveniently slid into Kawhi’s landing zone. Not only was the result a sweep for the Spurs, but Zaza also had the honor of being made an example of with a new rule created that summer.
On the other side, I think the fans got it right by voting for Uncle Dennis, even if the result surprised me. From what we now know, the signs point to him being the puppet master who created all this chaos. That doesn’t mean Kawhi isn’t also complicit (whoever thinks he didn’t know about the Clippers’ side deals is lying to themselves), but Dennis seems to be the one whispering sweet lullabies in Kawhi’s ear and persuading him to go through with all the shady business.
Recency bias also helps both sides. I doubt Uncle Dennis would’ve gotten the support (hate?) he did throughout the tournament if the suspension and reporting dropped later, and Zaza being one of the most recent players in his section helped his case too. With both finalists being connected to the same player, my mind starts to come up with what-if scenarios had neither impacted Kawhi.
Zaza’s case is simple. With Kawhi still playing in the 2017 West Finals, the Spurs would’ve won game 1 and made it a more competitive series before likely still bowing out to the juggernaut Warriors. I know many fans like to believe that San Antonio would’ve beaten Golden State with a healthy Kawhi, but let’s not kid ourselves: that was the greatest team ever assembled, and the series would’ve gone 6 games max.
The Uncle Dennis implications are far more interesting. Without him casting spells on Kawhi, does that mean the latter would’ve remained a lifelong Spur? Personally, I doubt it. It seems like Kawhi always had his eyes set on LA and would’ve made his way there eventually, although the exit wouldn’t have been as messy, and he could’ve waited until 2019 to leave as a free agent.
If that scenario played out, the Spurs would’ve potentially had two more seasons to compete as a legitimate contender. Kawhi would still have dealt with his quad injury heading into the 2017-18 campaign, but perhaps he could’ve healed and come back 100% that season had he listened to San Antonio’s medical staff instead of scheming his way out of town.
Chris Paul was also rumoured to have been interested in joining the Spurs in the summer of 2017, and the Kawhi uncertainty definitely didn’t improve the Spurs’ chances of landing the Point God. The chances of acquiring him were slim to begin with, but can you imagine the 2018 version of CP3 playing alongside a prime Kawhi? In that alternate universe, the Spurs would be the ones taking Golden State to game 7 of the West Finals (and potentially beating them), and not the Rockets.
Alright, enough with the hypotheticals — it’s time to vote for the ultimate Spurs villain! Will it be the man who ended the Spurs’ exhilarating playoff run in 2017, or the infamous uncle who will (hopefully) never be heard from again? Let us know with your final vote!
