What is the story about?
Allow me to be the first to welcome everyone to the best time of the year! 3:30 p.m. sunsets and constant darkness, here we come!
It’s wild how I used to actually enjoy the first night of Daylight Savings Time starting, or ending, or whichever one this one is. You’re out at the bars, they’re about to close…and then all of a sudden, you get an extra hour to make bad decisions. But I’ve aged out of all that, alas, so now I’m taking up the mantle of the crotchety middle-aged man who likes to complain
about everything.
At least I’m not complaining about a Patriots loss, though, as New England took care of business to the tune of a 24-19 victory to move ahead to 5-3, 3-0 in the AFC East.
- I had absolutely no idea what to expect coming into this game. Sure, the Fins stink, but nothing is as it seems when the Patriots head down to Miami. Compound that with rainy conditions, an oddly-positioned 4:25 slot for a game that certainly didn’t deserve a late window, and an absolutely decimated Patriots team, and this just seemed to have all the makings of a trap game.
- And for the first half, that’s exactly what seemed to be happening. New England couldn’t move the ball at all, the defense was oddly off, and the whole game just seemed like holiday commercials before Halloween even hits; nobody wants to see that. But something happened in that locker room at halftime, because the Patriots came out and scored on three consecutive drives to open this one up.
- But I’m getting ahead of myself. I have a few more complaints to lodge before I break this game down in earnest.
- As the Patriots played in the late window for the first time this year, I watched the 1 p.m. games for the first time all season. And I wish I was saying differently, but the NFL is becoming completely unwatchable. The games have zero flow to them. The officiating somehow seems to be getting worse every year as opposed to better, and everyone just kind of stinks. As a product, it has been trending in the wrong direction for years now, and I’m starting to wonder when I’m going to just stop watching altogether.
- Probably when the NFL inevitably starts offering Tuesday Night Football, Wednesday Night Football, and Friday Night Football to completely oversaturate the market. Children would love to eat chocolate and candy with every meal, but normal adults don’t allow that. You need to limit things.
- OK, enough of that. Sorry to open on a downer. I just used to love the NFL so damn much, and it’s losing me, and that makes me sad.
- On the plus side, the horrendous officiating and terrible refs blessed us with what might be the most spectacular display of infathomable incompetence we’re going to see this year. On New England’s second possession of the third quarter, Drake Maye hit Kyle Williams for what turned out to be a 43-yard touchdown. Williams caught the ball at the five-yard line, took four or five steps, crossed the goal line, then his knee hit the ball and came loose. The goal-line referee threw a blue beanbag to indicate a loose ball/fumble, and then ruled the pass incomplete. The result was Mike Vrabel suddenly finding himself on the radar of no fewer than six QB-needy teams as he threw an absolute laser of a challenge flag 65 yards in order to get the call…I don’t even want to say “reversed,” as there were about six different things that went wrong for the refs there. Just pure, unadulterated comedy.
- What isn’t funny, though, is playing a game without your WR1, WR2, TE1, LG1, LG2, RB2, RG1, and RG2. I don’t know who any of these people are.
- I’m just going to hope that the Patriots were being extra cautious with these guys and were confident that they could beat Miami wildly short-handed, because the Packers and Lions are coming up and this simply isn’t sustainable.
- Thank Tebow that we have Drake Maye, as that man put the franchise on his back yesterday and didn’t look back. He’s finding ways to make plays and extend drives with the guys he has. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t think that New England was done for once Hunter Henry went back to the locker room, but New England dug deep into the well, operated out of a lot ot Jumbo sets featuring tight end extraordinaire Caleb Lomu on the end, ground it out with Stevenson, and utilized the run to open up the big play. The Williams and Pop Douglas catches ended up being what decided this one.
- Was it the Williams touchdown where a Dolphins defender had Maye dead to rights on an unimpeded blitz, but instead just kind of fell down and didn’t even touch him? Or maybe it was the fourth-down conversion to Efton Chism that could have completely changed the momentum of the entire game if he had just done anything besides fall down. Dolphins gonna Dolphin, I guess.
- Though I don’t know how the refs were able to overturn that DeMario Douglas fourth-down conversion that was/wasn’t/was. I’m always blown away by how different my interpretation of the phrase “incontrovertible evidence” is from the NFL’s.
- My favorite play of the game had to be Maye’s TD run, a read-option where he completely froze Willie Gay and Rajon Rondo’d his way into the end zone. Just a beautiful read, pump fake, and play design. Morgan Moses knew Maye could handle Gay, so he bumped up to chip block Uche and leave a wide open lane. These jumbo packages are going to be a lot of fun when the Patriots actually have some receivers in there.
- Was anybody else screaming a combination of “Don’t fall down!” and “Hang onto the ball, dammit!” as Douglas was weaving his way towards the end zone?
- You know who I don’t want or need to talk about this morning? Will Campbell. Who played half of the game next to Walter Rouse, who was pulled for a Ben Brown who basically had to get in and out of a hospital bed in between drives. 27 passing snaps, just one hurry allowed. There’s a very large faction of fans out there who lament the fact that the Patriots got Campbell instead of trading down and taking Tetairoa McMillan… but if Campbell wasn’t out there, this 2026 unit would probably have Milton Williams trying to set the edge on offense.
- Who I do need to talk about, though, is Jared Wilson. I’m going to be nice and chalk yesterday up to a combination of the wet weather and the rain shrinking that protective layer on Wilson’s helmet, which restricted blood flow to his brain, because he seemed to think he was playing Bocce instead of snapping a football on multiple occasions.
- This is one of those offensive performances where you’re able to be happy with what you saw, acknowledge that it could have been better, and also acknowledge that this isn’t sustainable with the current roster. Mack Hollins should be eligible to return this week, and hopefully the Patriots just held AJ Brown out this week as a precaution.
- Oh, and hopefully Hunter Henry is OK. And Gabe Jacas.
- Speaking of Jacas, who continues to be a disruptive force… this was a weird game for the defense. They were well-disciplined and decisive up front, but still allowed Malik Willis to move the ball. No Miami receiver eclipsed 50 yards… but the D gave up key plays in big moments. I haven’t watched any replay footage, but this team seems to feast in man and famine in zone. If I had to guess, I’d say that Zak Kuhr called a lot of zone looks yesterday. The Dolphins responded with underneath routes and sit-down routes to efficiently move the chains. New England gave up completions of 35, 23, 19, and 18 yards. I have always been of the opinion that the only place you want to see a soft cushion is on a chair, but I know multiple DCs that disagree with me.
- I’d like to show Logan Ryan some love, as I think he was a very underrated Patriots DB and had some great moments in New England. And as a commentator, he’s still pretty green with plenty of time and room to find his footing. But I don’t think you’ll be seeing him call any of the bigger games anytime soon.
- I have about as much faith in Andy Borregales as I do in men whose Halloween costume is an oversized gift label with TO: WOMEN FROM: GOD written on it. And Mike Vrabel seems to feel the same way, as the Patriots seem to view anything on the opponent’s side of the field and less than five yards to go as instant four-down territory.
- The Patriots are currently sitting at 5-3 as we approach what used to be the nice, clean, halfway point of the season. They’re a game and a half behind the Bills for the division with the entire AFC kind of a jumble right now. I could see them going 3-6 over the last nine games just as easily as I could see them going 7-2. I guess it depends on how many more players get hurt and how quickly guys can return.
I hope everyone had a fun, safe, and happy Halloween. This was the last time we’ll see Halloween fall on a Saturday night until 2037, so hopefully you got some good shenanigans in. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to run to the pharmacy before they change the shelves and all of the Christmas stuff goes up.
