In 1993, Warner Brothers released Demolition Man, a sci-fi action starring Sylvester Stallone, Wesley Snipes, and Sandra Bullock. The premise is ridiculous (in the best way): in the year 2032, crime lord Simon Phoenix (Snipes) is thawed from a 36-year suspended animation sentence for his parole hearing, only to (of course) escape and wreak havoc in a now-utopian Los Angeles ill-equipped to stop him. The solution? Phoenix’s original arresting officer—Detective John Spartan (Stallone)—is also brought
back and teamed with Lieutenant Lenina Huxley (Bullock) to put him away once and for all.
The movie—as Entourage’s Billy Walsh would attest, this is no “film”—remains an enjoyable ‘90s romp and its cheesy one-liners, early CGI weirdness, and (ironically) dated takes on the future conjure nostalgia and pseudo-nostalgia alike. And this is where the idea was born—stay with me.
Like Demolition Man’s Los Angeles, the Milwaukee Bucks’ present has been thrown into disarray (particularly since the utopia of ‘21) and while this off-season has certainly made things interesting, a return to glory is far from guaranteed. This begs the question: if the Bucks could resurrect one former player and slot them into the current team to (mind the pun) demolish the league and restore order, who would it be?
Conditions apply
I know what you’re thinking: piece of cake! Kareem, Moncrief, Marques, Allen, Big Dog, Redd… Khash! How could you go wrong, right? While any of these guys would make the current Bucks “lick ass”—and I mean that in the Lenina Huxley sense—that’s too easy. Plus, we’re all too familiar with how seemingly made-for-each-other superstars don’t always pan out (I stress: Giannis, the grass doesn’t get any better than Good Land green). So, just like the CBA’s aprons constrict current roster construction in the name of parity, this thought experiment also warrants some parameters:
- All-Stars need not apply. If the player made an All-Star team in their Bucks tenure, they’re excluded from selection.
- No loopholes. Players have to be taken as their Bucks versions. For example, if you want sweet-shooting Danilo Gallinari as the team’s new three, you’re getting the 2.8 PPG Bucks version, not the 19.8 PPG Clippers one.
- Position matters. You want Tyrone Hill? You’ve got Tyrone Hill. But the Bucks are pretty set at power forward, so unless you want him playing the three or taking Myles Turner’s spot at the five, he’ll be coming off the bench.
Finally, a personal caveat: while numbers paint a picture, everyone knows they lie too, so my eventual decision is limited to players I’ve actually watched on the hardwood (sorry, Junior Bridgman, Paul Pressey, et al.). This isn’t a hard-and-fast rule, though, so make your own judgment call.
Candidates
To make things easier, here’s a reminder of some ghosts of girlfriends Bucks past, listed in order of career points per game during their time in Milwaukee (statistics courtesy of Basketball Reference). Players highlighted in red made at least one All-Star appearance as a Buck—so they’re out (see rule 1). And, of course, you’re welcome to pick Bucks who aren’t listed below—my first thought just happened to be one such player.
Centers
Power forwards
Small forwards
Shooting guards
Point guards
Decisions, decisions
Obviously, there are numerous ways to go about this. Do you select the best player available regardless of position? Do you favour someone who’ll lessen the offensive burden on Giannis? Or is it an upgrade on the wing that’s most important? While others might raise an eyebrow to our points (and Sam Cassell was so tempting), I’m quietly confident—I will die on that Kevin Porter Jr. hill and am convinced he, Cole Anthony, and Ryan Rollins make for a quality triumvirate. I’m also content with the stocks at the two—the spacing of Gary Trent Jr. and A.J Green is invaluable. So, like Spartan chasing Phoenix, my target was locked in: a wing upgrade.
My affinity for Luc Richard Mbah a Moute had him at the top of my pre-research list. Versatile defenders are at a premium in today’s NBA and they don’t get much better than The Prince, who would immediately be this team’s best lock-down option. Just as important, though, are players who can stretch the floor—especially if they’re going to be paired with Giannis. Having never hit more than 13 triples in a season with the Bucks, this is not Mbah a Moute.
I also strongly considered Tim Thomas, who gets bonus points for being part of the 2001 Eastern Conference Finals squad. His size, shooting, and offensive versatility would make him an even greater weapon in today’s NBA than he was in the 2000s. Perhaps, as Ray Allen once proclaimed, he really could be the best player in the league? Splashing triples, yamming on defenders, two-dribble pull-ups… dude had it all. Or maybe I’m still hooked by the lure of all that untapped potential.
Other wings of that vintage—Stephen Jackson, Corey Maggette, Keith Van Horn—all underwhelmed for one reason or another, and while I love the theory of Richard Jefferson—size, athleticism, finishing—he lacked the three-point gravity and ball handling that would really help today’s squad.
In the end, there was really only one option for me. I wanted a wing who could space the floor, create offense (both for himself and others), and be a strong defensive presence. Sounds like Khris Middleton, huh? While he was off the table, John Salmons wasn’t. His run with Milwaukee was brief—two years, 110 games—but he could play three positions (possibly four in today’s game), hit 38% of his threes, protected the rock (only 1.8 turnovers per game), and defended well (defensive rating of 104.6). He also led the Bucks to a tightly contested seven-game playoff series against the third-seeded Atlanta Hawks.
So, who will you choose? Put yourself in Jon Horst’s shoes and get hypothetical.
