A recently discovered letter, of unknown age and origin:
To Adam Silver and the basketball powers-that-be: Why so quiet?
From your mighty cloud on high, you struck Utah and Indiana for their heresy and crimes against the sanctity of the game. You sent doctors and insisted on micromanaging every personnel decision of these pitiful teams, lest your followers dwindle into disbelief through the mighty vice of tanking’s temptation. The underlings have paid the price, and your word was made law.
You did not
hesitate to pass righteous judgment against the wicked in the past. Yet now, as Utah dives to the bottom of the pile, the gods have fallen silent?
Clear and obvious tanking measures continue to spread like a plague across the dregs of professional basketball, and the protectors are nowhere to be seen. Their influence is muted. Their hand is invisible. My faith has reached a point of crisis — a hinge point from which I feel destined to fall. I feel on the verge of collapse, as Sacramento, Washington, Brooklyn, Dallas, and yes, even my home of Utah, laugh in the face of judgment, smile in the crosshairs of your vengeance, and mock your authority with every subsequent contest.
Are you there? Can you hear my plea? All I can ask is for justice to be handed to the deserving. Were you simply hoping to make an example of the unpopular? Do you fear those beneath you so deeply?
NBA Olympus has fallen, and Silver is tarnished.
(Author Unknown)
Previous volumes of The Great Tank Race: I | II | III
1- (+3) Indiana Pacers (15-54)
Like waves upon a stormy sea, the Pacers rise and fall in the order of the tank race. Just a month ago, they had dropped all the way to fourth place.
But then they lost 14 straight and lurched right to the bottom again. Congratulations are in order because that is their second streak of 13+ losses this season, and they are just two away from tying Sacramento’s record of 16. The lords of the tank shook off the chains of mediocrity and have embraced bloated, unapologetic self-sabotage. I have never seen something quite so beautiful in my entire life. Indy has not won a basketball game since the last edition of this saga and has brought meaning to meaningless basketball.
The possibility of adding one of this year’s top prospects should have the Pacers’ front office in a frenzy, because I can imagine any of Dybantsa, Peterson, Boozer, or Wilson pairing effortlessly with Tyrese Haliburton. When all seemed lost, they reclaimed their throne and kingdom.
I bend the knee to you, O rightful King of the Great Tank race.
2- (+0) Washington Wizards (16-52) 1.5 GB
Yes, Trae Young is finally wearing basketball shorts again, but Washington is in no rush to push him into heavy minutes at this point in the season. Gradually bringing their injured stars along on minutes restrictions cost Utah $500,000. That service is free in the nation’s capital.
If you thought that Indiana’s 14-game losing streak is impressive, the Wiz are not far behind — currently shuffling through a 13-game slumber of their own. Two titans of the tank are doing battle at the top, and there’s very little the higher-ups of the league can do to stand in their way.
3- (+2) Brooklyn Nets (17-51) 2.5 GB
Yes, one-man shooting gallery Egor Demin is out for the year with plantar fasciitis, and yes, the Nets have done very well to position themselves in the bottom three (equal odds for the number one pick), but there’s trouble over the horizon. When it comes to strength of schedule, the Brooklyn Nets have 14 games and the fifth-easiest remaining slate of any team in the NBA — easier than any of their tank race adversaries.
Considering their paper-thin curtain of just a half-game separating Brooklyn from Sacramento, the comfort of the top-3 and an equal share of number-one pick odds exchange hands of the Tank Race contenders on nearly a game-by-game basis.
Brooklyn, a team that quintuple-dipped in the first round of last year’s draft, is hungry for more. They’ll have plenty of chances to claim losses at the expense of their tank race foes down the home stretch. Lose those games, however, and the crowded mass at the bottom of the standings could spit you out far from the top pick.
4- (-3) Sacramento Kings (18-51) 3.0 GB
You guys can’t even tank right.
5- (+1) Utah Jazz (20-48) 5.5 GB
With the hope that Keyonte George receives a full recovery from his hamstring tear suffered against New York, Keyonte’s availability was only going to hurt his team’s chances in the Tank Race. Utah has become one of basketball’s most exciting teams, promising a starting lineup of George (who is playing at an All-Star level this season, and I will personally fight anyone who disagrees), Markkanen, JJJ, Kessler, and Ace Bailey/whoever Utah snags with their first-round pick. Heck, Cody Williams just had a 34-point, 7-assist, 7-rebound game against Portland. The atmosphere is crackling in the Salt Lake Valley.
Any of Dybantsa, Boozer, Peterson, or even Darius Acuff would be incredible additions to a Jazz squad that feels they are just one foundational player away from competing in the Western Conference — and they’re tanking like their lives depend on it.
Losers in 2 of their last 10, Utah is climbing the ladder — or sliding down the fireman’s pole, depending on which way you prefer to orient your standings page — and gaining ground on a Kings team that is 5-5 in their last 10, and actively competing on a nightly basis against the customs of the Tankers’ Guild.
You tell me which is detrimental to the integrity of the game.
t6- (+1) Dallas Mavericks (23-46) 8.0 GB
Cooper Flagg is Cooper Flagg-ing once again, and the Mavericks are winning basketball games. This is tremendous news for Utah, whose shirt collar has become damp with condensation after these months of the Mavericks breathing down their necks in the standings.
The Mavs lucked into the number one pick last season after one of the most sanity-defying trades in recent memory, and have only made the Luka exchange worse by turning around to sell low on an aging, and (surprise, surprise) injured Anthony Davis. Yes, Nico Harrison is no longer with the team, and the whole “win-now” motivation behind dealing Doncic was his idea, but Dallas is years removed from competitive basketball, even if Kyrie Irving decides to return from his cryogenic chamber to play NBA basketball again.
If Dallas gets the number-one pick, we revolt.
t6- (-3) New Orleans Pelicans (23-46) 8.0 GB
Bad news, Atlanta. The Pelicans learned how to win.
New Orleans’ first-round pick is owned by the Hawks, all because the Pelicans needed Derik Queen. Queen is excellent for a late-lottery pick, don’t get me wrong, but New Orleans has sabotaged their own future during a present that promised, well, many more lottery picks before they can set their gaze upon trophies.
The Hawks — as hawks often do — swooped at the opportunity to claim an easy kill. The Pelicans are no longer a bottom-three team, no, but this is a bleak organization, and has been for an agonizingly long time.
Calvin Barrett is a writer, editor, and prolific Mario Kart racer located in Tokyo, Japan. He has covered the NBA and College Sports since 2024.
