There’s something for everyone this weekend. Unless your team’s on a bye, but then…there’s an apple orchard for you this weekend?
A content every day, boys. Just look up at that CCTV camera, smile, and wave. We do love you, Vox Media.
Here are your B1G Superlatives for the Week 7 slate.
Least Likeable Coaching Matchup of the Weekend
#7 Indiana Hoosiers at #3 Oregon Ducks
In a conference with Ryan Day, James Franklin, and PJ Fleck, and on a day featuring Sherrone Moore against Lincoln Riley, I am easily the most tired
of these two fucking coaches. Oh wow, Curt Cignetti talks a big game! Don’t get boatraced at Notre Dame, maybe I’ll give a shit. Oh wow, Dan Lanning was born on third base with the Phil Knight money cannon and lets his players be colossal assholes! Cool. When it mattered, it was 34-0 before you showed up.
Most Likely to Disappoint You This Weekend
# 1 Ohio State Buckeyes at #17 Illinois Fighting Illini
11am | FOX | OSU -14.5 | O/U 50.5 | B1Gliest and N00Dliest
I want to believe, Illibuck. I want to believe.
Bouncebackiest
Northwestern Wildcats at Penn State Nittany Lions
2:30pm | FS1 | PSU -21.5 | O/U 48.5
You’ve earned the right to be as Chicken Little as you want, Staters, but you’ll be fine. This week, at least.
Most Likely to Feature ALL the Basketball References
UCLA Bruins at Michigan State Spartans
11am | BTN | MSU -8.5 | O/U 55.5
Is Mick Cronin still at UCLA? Did they fire him yet? It would at least be interesting to see this game played, but with Cronin and Izzo on the sidelines instead of Skipper and Smith.
Least Interesting Game of the Weekend
Nebraska Cornhuskers at Maryland Terrapins
2:30pm | BTN | UNL -6.5 | O/U 48
Script’s already written. Not even* Nebraska can fuck this up.
* Yes, of course I know they can. Still won’t get me to watch.
Somehow, Then, Only Second-Least Interesting Game of the Weekend
Purdue Boilermakers at Minnesota Golden Gophers
6:30pm | BTN | Minn -9.5 | O/U 51.5
At this point, which Gopher win is more impressive: 23-10 over Buffalo, or 31-28 over Rutgers?
Least Subtle About Asking If You Know Who Their Dad Is
#15 Michigan Wolverines at USC Trojans
6:30pm | NBC | USC -2.5 | O/U 57.5
Between “whoever Notre Dame is playing,” “Michigan-USC,” and “Collin Jost’s smug face,” it’s almost like NBC wants me to take Brendan Carr’s side in the inevitable to-do.
Most Fridayest Game of the Weekend
Rutgers Scarlet Knights at Washington Huskies
8pm | FS1 | UW -10.5 | O/U 59.5
I’ll at least give this one a fair chance for points.
Biggest Chance to Wish You Saw a Bull’s Testicles Game of the Weekend
Iowa Hawkeyes at wisconsin badgers
6pm | FS1 | Iowa -3.5 | O/U 37.5
Never forget what they did to our boy.
