With an ankle injury to Dominic Solanke now looking potentially more serious than first suggested and Richarlison seemingly made out of spun sugar, hopes and dreams, Tottenham Hotspur are now looking for reinforcements at the forward position. Towards that, Cartilage Free Captain can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that Fabio Paratici and Daniel Levy have sanctioned a stunning approach for Arsenal striker Bukayo Saka.
A source close to both parties said Spurs are initially offering Alfie Whiteman, a ham sandwich
and unlimited free stadium karting tickets to give Saka an out; work continues on personal terms, with Spurs reportedly willing to put him on weekly wages similar to that of “fellow promising talent” Pape Matar Sarr.
Reached on his cellphone while chugging a quintuple espresso and snorting a line of adderall, Paratici said this move was intend to both strengthen Tottenham and also give Saka an escape hatch from the dreadful tactics of Mikael Arteta.
“Bukayo Saka is an outstanding young player, and we at Tottenham Hotspur feel a player of his obvious skills and caliber deserves to be on a team that wins in Europe. I have no further comment at this time.”
— Fabio Paratici, probably
When it was pointed out that Saka is an Arsenal player born and bred having come up through their academy, Paratici is said to have quipped “Well, so was Harry Kane and that didn’t matter much, did it? Anyway, COYS.”
More updates as this story develops.
