We spent most of Sunday preparing a shopping list for the week, given all my work travel—I schedule out the week’s meals, buy the stuff, and then we do similar things that start here:
- Caesar Salad Sundays: the family makes a massive chicken Caesar salad in one bowl and eats it. It’s not my grandparents’ tradition of having a big bowl of popcorn as a family on Sunday night, but it’ll do.
- Meal Prep Mondays: I make something like these apple cider pulled pork bowls, using the cheater method—pork carnitas trays from Aldi, brussels sprouts, black beans, frozen sweet potatoes, and an easy sauce of olive oil, apple cider vinegar, syrup, and dijon.
- Crock-Pot Tuesdays: I leave home at 4am or so, not to return until 5pm on Wednesday. My folks pick up the kids and bring them home for dinner, though, so before I leave on Tuesday morning I set up a soup or other kind of slow-cooker dinner for the family.
We also package up the rest of the pork bowls, which is meant to serve as lunch for the next few days. It’s a good meal. I like it.
But I also package it up with a lot of tomatoes and cucumbers, which my wife loves.
I am a child, meaning I do not eat raw tomatoes and cucumbers. They are icky, I hate the taste and texture,
and they ruin everything they touch.
I have been allowed to have two children.
For the last two weeks, I’ve put 2-3 of these pre-made pork bowl meals together in the fridge. Now, for the second consecutive week, at least one—possibly two; I’ll find out this morning—is set to go back because she’s not eating them. And to think I could’ve been snacking on that sweet, sweet pork carnitas from Aldi.
I don’t get shit from Aldi for writing this, much in the same way that Culver’s still has not returned my calls for all the love with which I have showered them over the years. And I don’t think this is a learned helplessness of working poverty; much like my Summit Diet Cola take from a few weeks ago, I will absolutely go to bat over these pork carnitas trays.
Anyway, I similarly like Northwestern football.
Let’s pick some games.
About Last Week
- As is her wont, BRT moves into first place in straight-up standings at .836.
- Only one person more than a game away from .500 this week. BOOOOORING.
- Rough week for BuffKomodo.
The Picks
All times CDT, because reasons.
Saturday, October 25
UCLA Bruins @ (2) Indiana Hoosiers
11AM | FOX | Indiana -24.5 | O/U 54.5
Straight Up: Indiana 11-0
Against the Spread: Indiana 8-3
BRT: I’ve found the UCLA rise from the ashes as compelling as anyone, but I don’t think they have figured it out quite enough to take out Indiana. If they somehow do though, you have to imagine Skipper + Crew will be signing some contracts immediately.
HoustonBoiler: UCLA’s mid-season turnaround has been amazing. Unfortunately, Cig is probably gonna smoke’m.
Thumpasaurus: Skipper would be offered the job on the spot if he pulled this off. I am still stunned by the ass whooping the Hoosiers laid on the Illini, but the way I’ve started to square that game with Illinois not actually being terrible is by remembering that sometimes NFL games get out of hand like that, and every NFL game is between two NFL teams.
But I digress. The UCLA renaissance has come at the expense of teams with flaws Indiana does not have. The Bruins clearly underperformed their talent level under Foster, but they don’t have any advantages against the Hoosier defense. Nico will need to have the game of his life just to keep them in contention, because he’s going to be under heavy pressure and throwing against good man-to-man DB’s
I want to be clear: I’ll be mad if Indiana loses a game this year because Versus Illinois Indiana is the greatest college football team I’ve ever seen and it would be deeply annoying for that to be its only appearance.
WSR: At least try to make it an amusing death, Bruins.
RockyMtnBlue: Well it’s been a fun run, eh Bruins? I wanted so bad to take the Bruins to cover but Cig feels like the kind of guy who’s perpetually trying to make a point. Indiana 42-14
MNW: How can you choose against them at this point? Even if that Aryan kid from UCLA is calling really good plays, Cig & Co seem prepared to run it up as best they can. Indiana, 38-10.
Northwestern Wildcats @ Nebraska Cornhuskers
11AM | FS1 | Nebraska -7.5 | O/U 44.5
Straight Up: Nebraska 6-5
Against the Spread: Northwestern 10-1
BRT: In a moment of wild hope, I picked Nebraska to win last week. I go through this arc every season, so now I will pick against them, no matter what. I am going to this game, because I figured it was my best chance to see them win, and that’s probably still true, though it’s not at all the same thing as seeing them actually win. It does bid fair to be a gorgeous fall day though, so I’ve got that going for me.
HWAHSQB: The battle for the j! NU games are ugly and I have no idea why people think NU is good, but NU is definitely going to win this one. On the other hand, I really think nu is going to lose this one.
HoustonBoiler: Having watched enough of last week’s Northwestern game, I know they are well coached and do not help their opponents by turning the ball over or committing penalties. Nebraska wins a close one at home. Yes, I’m shocked by Nebraska winning close games this season.
Thumpasaurus: It brings me no joy to report that Northwestern is a wagon. Since they entered conference play, teams are turning into the absolute worst versions of themselves against this team. Stop me if you’ve heard that before.
It wouldn’t surprise me if they won out. Best remaining team by resume is Illinois, which…you know…
It’s been a couple years, but College Football’s Specialest Little Boys are back with a vengeance.
WSR: Northwestern is fine. Nebraska has soft lines yet again. Roll damn cats.
RockyMtnBlue: I’m looking forward to this game. Northwestern is second only to UCLA in improvement since the beginning of the season. Nebraska is the better team, and this game is in the ‘friendly’ confines of Nowledge Stadium. But I still like NW to keep it close. Nebraska 24-17
MNW: Why did I middle this? Did I really think Northwestern would keep this close in Lincoln against the Huskers?
…actually, save the 56-7 debacle in Memorial Stadium in 2021, Northwestern hasn’t lost by more than a score at Nebraska. SO! Progress? Nebraska, 24-18.
Rutgers Scarlet Knights @ Purdue Boilermakers
11AM | BTN | Rutgers -2.5 | O/U 59.5
Straight Up: Rutgers 8-3
Against the Spread: Rutgers 8-3
BRT: Rutgers has certainly been on the struggle bus, but Purdue’s performance last week was uninspiring. I think Rutgers has enough in them to win this week’s Derpfest.
HoustonBoiler: Several things sadly point to a Rutgers win this Saturday. Purdue has been shooting themselves in the foot on a regular basis, Purdue has never beaten Rutgers, and Purdue’s starting QB is injured and “doubtful” for the game.
Thumpasaurus: After their best effort failed to defeat Illinois, Purdue is spiraling. The ‘Gers offense is actually underrated this year.
WSR: Can Rutgers overcome Athan Kaliakmanis? I think so, but I’m not putting my own money on it.
RockyMtnBlue: What kind of cruel asshole puts this game in the same timeslot as NW/Nebby? Bastards. Both of these teams can move the ball surprisingly well. Both of these teams are REALLY bad at stopping the other team from doing that. Gimme the home team. Purdue 35-31
MNW: I don’t know. Can Ryan Browne move the ball on Rutgers? If not them, then nobody. Scarlet Knights, 29-19.
(23) Illinois Fighting Illini @ Washington Huskies
2:30PM | BTN | Washington -4.5 | O/U 55.5
Straight Up: Washington 8-3
Against the Spread: Washington 7-4
BRT: One of two mildly interesting games this week. I think Illinois is better, but travel does seem to be playing a role this season. (Note: I am basing this statement on vibes, and have not bothered to verify it, so maybe it isn’t actually playing a role! Interesting question, but one I don’t have time to answer this week.)
HWAHSQB: Bert has a stunningly good record coming off byes in his career including being undefeated coming off a bye week at Illinois. The most famous and hilarious of those wins was a 9OT game against psu way back when travelling to Happy Valley wasn’t an automatic win. Traveling across the country is a headwind, but I think Illinois is prepared and will pull off the upset.
HoustonBoiler: Washington has played much better at home this season while Illinois is rested but has to travel to the Pacific Northwest. I think it’s a dog day afternoon.
Thumpasaurus: It’s another travel game. I don’t think the Illini have the juice for this one. It’s one of three games I picked them to lose in my preseason prediction. They’ve already lost the other two and they weren’t particularly competitive. The other big problem that nobody has addressed yet is that the Washington defensive coordinator still has our playbook. Ryan Walters lives only to defeat Bret Bielema and the Fighting Illini, and I just think too much is stacked against them here.
WSR: Don’t travel across the country. It’s a bad idea. That, and Illinois is just OK.
RockyMtnBlue: I must admitI haven’t seen Illinois play since they played Indiana (and we all remember how that went). But I’ve seen Washington play. Illinois will win on both lines, but Washington is a very tough out at home. Washington 28-21
MNW: Yeah, I went with this solely on cross-country travel. Nothing more to it than that. Huskies, 28-21.
Minnesota Golden Gophers @ Iowa Hawkeyes
2:30PM | CBS | Iowa -8.5 | O/U 39.5
Straight Up: Iowa 11-0
Against the Spread: Minnesota 9-2
BRT: The other mildly interesting game this week. I don’t think Minnesota is amazing, they just have the Huskers’ number. I also don’t think Iowa is amazing, but ugly games are kind of Kirk’s thing, and when in doubt, I pick Kinnick. If nothing else, this should be a B1G West Memorial Cup Classic, just very stupid and life force-draining.
HoustonBoiler: Hell, Purdue outplayed Minnesota for three quarters before derping the game away in the fourth. Iowa wins this a rock fight and thus has the honor of hosting Floyd for a year.
Thumpasaurus: Iowa has two losses. Iowa has Oregon and a road game at USC. Those will be losses. That puts them at four losses, which is the exact number of losses they will finish the regular season with.
If they lose this one, they will for sure defeat USC. Eight wins. No more, no less.
WSR: Nope. Don’t want to talk about it or watch it.
RockyMtnBlue: I feel WSR’s pain. I’ll watch his game. He can watch mine. Never bet against Kinnick, but on the other hand, win by two scores? Iowa 19-16
MNW: How many timeouts does Kirk end this game with? Hawkeyes, 13-11.
Wisconsin Badgers @ (6) Oregon Ducks
6PM | FS1 | Oregon -34.5 | O/U 44.5
Straight Up: Oregon 11-0
Against the Spread: Oregon 11-0
BRT: Oh my. This will be grotesque.
HoustonBoiler: The Badgers haven’t been playing well at home, I cannot imagine that traveling all the way to the Pacific Northwest will improve their play. Pain is in their future, not consultation with Mr. T required.
Thumpasaurus: They’re not called the Goodgers
WSR: This wisconsin team is one my favorite badger squad since the 1980s., and I’m loving every second of it. Oregon just ground a middling Rutgers team into dust last week. Get some popcorn, because it’s going to be one of the best games of the year to watch.
RockyMtnBlue: It says something about something that 11 out of 11 “writers” have Oregon covering 34.5. That’s…insane. Oregon 49-3
MNW: God, I cannot wait for family Thanksgiving and all these silent fucking badger fans. Give us a third straight shutout. Make it 1968 again so I can vote for Gene McCarthy. Or beat the shit out of some hippies in Grant Park. Who knows which side I’d be on? Oregon, 37-0.
(25) Michigan Wolverines @ Michigan State Spartans
6:30PM | NBC | Michigan -14.5 | O/U 49.5
Straight Up: Michigan 11-0
Against the Spread: Michigan 6-5
BRT: Jonathan Smith continues to make Bagels angry.
HoustonBoiler: Thank goodness Sparty will keep pace with Purdue and wisconsin. I did fall for that 0.5 point teaser though.
Thumpasaurus: Outside of Wisconsin’s offense, the most hopeless unit in the conference is the Spartans defense. Surely the Big Ten can intervene and arrange for those two to play each other.
The good news is that the Spartans just put up their best performance of the season in terms of points allowed to a Big Ten team. The bad news is that’s still 38 points. The offense has nowhere near the talent they would need to make up for this horrendous defense. The defense does not have the horses to compete in this league. Sparty’s signature win is against a Boston College squad that just lost to UConn by two touchdowns. I don’t see a path to prosperity for Jonathan Smith.
Meanwhile, Sherrone Moore still has plenty of questions about his legitimacy as a head coach. He has incentive to run it up a bit here.
WSR: If Michigan State were anything else other than crappy, I’d consider them being able to cover.
RockyMtnBlue: Road Michigan <<<<<< Home Michigan. This game is in East Lansing. Both fanbases leave unhappy. Michigan 20-17
MNW: Gimme that hook. Wolverines, 28-14.
