Come, my Anchor of Gold parsons! What were you fine editors doing all week? This should’ve been an easy article to throw together!
Anyway, you equally fine readers voted for Kentucky over the Klingon Empire.
Previous Result
See our list of all previous winners.
Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Fortunate Son” beat out Boston’s “More Than a Feeling” to represent Jackson via 92.3 FM, West Tennessee’s classic rock station!
Anyway, I don’t expect Kentucky’s rock scene to be quite so robust. But I’ve been wrong before! Let’s
see!
The Songs
1) Cage the Elephant – Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked
Oh puke. Tee hee, aren’t we so QUIRKY and IRONIC? These guys won a Grammy for Best Rock Album in 2017, so maybe this your thing. I don’t exactly claim to be a bastion of pop culture knowledge here. But me, if I wanted weird for the sake of being weird, I’d listen to Weird Al Yankovic. At least he’s genuine about it.
We seriously passed up the Klingon Empire for this yIH ngaghwI’?
You know what this video needs? That Fat Kablob guy from Kyrgyzstan. I wonder what he’s up to.
Let’s see if Kentucky has anything else that might have played on mainstream radio.
2) Joan Osborne – One of Us
There you go, Kentucky! See how easy that was? I suppose she’s technically a one-hit wonder, but that one hit managed to propel her debut album to 3x platinum certification, back when she released this in 1995. And it should have, so good for her—1995? THIS IS OVER THIRTY YEARS OLD?!
Dear God, what have I done with my life? SHE’S 63 NOW? You know what, forget Fat Kablob, I wonder what she’s up to in this day and…why are you taunting me, Wikipedia?
Father Time is a jackass.
You know what, it’s Kentucky, let’s move on to what we’re all for.
3) Loretta Lynn – Coal Miner’s Daughter
YEAH BABY. Now, if there’s one thing Andrew and I have both learned, it’s that yelling OH COME ON VOTE FOR THIS never, ever works. “Here are Johann Sebastian Bach and some random emperor penguin calls. Please vote for Brandenburg Concerto #3 and oh look, Emperor Penguin Call #2 won.”
But come on. It’s Loretta Lynn, and she’s absolutely nailing it in a live performance. Look, just vote for that green dress if nothing else.
I suppose we need something bluegrass and Kentucky specific, don’t we.
4) Bill Monroe – Blue Moon of Kentucky
I guess I’d be hard pressed not to include the Father of Bluegrass, especially with him being from Kentucky. Specifically, the bustling metropolis of Rosine (2020 population: 110). “There are no schools in Rosine, so students from Rosine attend Horse Branch Elementary School.” That is one of the best sentences ever written.
This was of course covered by a million people, notably Elvis Presley, Patsy Cline, Alan Jackson, LeAnn Rimes, and The Dale Gribble Bluegrass Experience.
5) The Judds – Grandpa
I have no idea how Ashland, Kentucky managed to give us both Keith Whitley and The Judds, but they did. Thanks, Ashland! I flipped a coin to decide which one to include here. We’ll definitely include Keith Whitley as an honorable mention.
Ashland also gave us Billy Ray Cyrus, and I assure you no honorable mentions will be handed out for that.
Anyway, this was the only of their singles to be certified platinum, but was the 6th of 14 songs they sent to #1 on the Billboard Country charts between 1984 and 1989. Just an incredible run by any standard.
And then we lost both Loretta Lynn and Naomi Judd in 2022, because apparently the world wasn’t already a terrible enough place during the pandemic’s fallout. See, I told you Father Time was a jackass.
Usually we limit these to 5 entries, but let’s get weird with Paducah’s own:
6) Boots Randolph – Yakety Sax
Hail Paducah. Hail Pinman.
Honorable Mentions
Keith Whitley – Don’t Close Your Eyes
Only fair to include him as a honorable mention, after losing out on a freaking coin toss.
This was actually voted the #1 country song of 1988. I really wanted to include I’m No Stranger to the Rain instead, but that was a posthumous #1 in 1989, after his alcohol demons sadly got the better of him earlier in the year. Seems more appropriate to include something he got to see succeed.
Jackie DeShannon – What the World Needs Now Is Love
From Hazel, Kentucky (2020 population: 390), right on US 641 between Paris, TN and Murray, KY! (“Have…have you been there? Don’t answer that.”) TOO LATE, and sadly the answer is no. I managed to go to Paris and Murray, but those were separate trips. (“…….”)
Vote in the Polls
Apparently setting these to automatically close works fairly well! Let’s just set it to close on Monday night and see what Vertigo, God of Insanity, causes to happen.
