I’m a retired mechanical engineer with over 40 years’ professional experience focusing on research and technical expertise; and I’m now a mathematics teacher. I grew up Roman Catholic and conservative, and I never particularly cared for politics.
I’m certainly not someone you’d look at and expect to be an advocate for transgender rights – which is why it’s so important for me to speak out.
My daughter Nadya is the youngest of my wife’s and my three children. When she was born and the doctors told me I had a boy, I was ecstatic. I was a coach and very active, and I imagined a boyhood full of things we could share, like soccer, baseball and football. But it was quickly evident there would be none of that.
I couldn’t seem to find a sport that held
her attention, and she gravitated toward things I associated with femininity. At the toy store, I’d gently guide her toward the action figures.
“But Superman needs a girlfriend, right?” she’d say, and turn back around to the Barbie aisle.
As Nadya grew older, I assumed she’d eventually come out as gay. But by the time she was in high school, that didn’t seem right, either. I was trying to figure out what was going on in her head when COVID-19 hit and we all began spending more time at home. She had the opportunity to truly examine herself; and after about a year and a half, she shared that she’s a transgender girl.
I didn't need all the answers to support my daughter
I always considered myself supportive of the LGBTQ+ community, but I was completely stumped as to what this meant for our family. Between me and my wife, it was more difficult for me to get to a place of acceptance, and I was resistant. But I came to the realization that for me to be able to keep my child in my life, I needed to open myself to learning. If this was her life, I had to find a way to be a part of it.
So I dove in headfirst. And it got easier once I felt OK being vulnerable and not knowing all the answers.
It began to make more sense as I put the pieces together. I never understood what she was going through, and looking back, I began to see what I’d missed – the sadness in her face in old pictures and the pressure to participate in activities she didn’t want to do and to be someone she wasn’t.
I struggle with that the most now. It breaks my heart that I wasn’t able to make my child’s life more enjoyable and fulfilling sooner.
Several years ago, Nadya, my wife and I participated in a public campaign to share our story for the first time. It made me strikingly aware of how muchmisunderstanding and fearmongering there is in the world about transgender people and issues, and that there are a lot of people out there who don’t want families like ours to succeed.
But it was nothing like the slew of attacks across the country today targeting transgender girls like Nadya who want only to be left alone and not be made a target.
Anti-trans measures are on the ballot. Don't vote for them
This Election Day, anti-transgender ballot measures are in front of voters in Arizona, Colorado, Missouri, Nebraska and Washington.
The measures vary per state, but overall they have the effect of stripping protections from transgender young people and removing personal, private decision-making from parents, families, doctors and schools, putting it into the hands of the government.
The proposals come from the same politics and beliefs that brought attacks on marriage equality and abortion access – all while the rich get richer and everyday Americans struggle with overpriced housing, underfunded schools, and groceries and gas we can’t afford.
If you live in a state threatening to roll back protections for transgender youth, or where candidates are running ads attacking transgender people as part of their platform, I ask you to look into your heart and imagine yourself in my shoes. No one knows what life will throw at us. I certainly didn’t.
As a parent, I want only to keep my kids safe. Nadya is my rock and my best friend.
If you don’t have a transgender loved one in your life, you may think this doesn’t affect you. But I hope anyone who is a parent can relate to the profound unconditional love I have for my child – that at the end of the day, what I care about most is her happiness and safety. In our polarizing world, we need more love, kindness and acceptance, especially for our youth, not less; and I hope that will inform your vote.
Mickey Lopez is a husband and father residing in Miami.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: What I learned about my trans daughter changed how I vote | Opinion
