A proper title for the Republican Party’s two-day midterm convention, which begins Sept. 9 in Dallas, is: “We’ve performed terribly and made your lives worse. Please clap!”
It’s an odd political move for the GOP. When you don’t have wins to celebrate, why seek out the spotlight? And why attend a gathering that has the wildly unpopular President Donald Trump front and center, further linking your party’s midterm election candidates to him?
In a statement, Republican National Committee Chairman Joe Gruters said: “President Donald Trump and Republicans have delivered historic results for the American people, and every hour of this historic convention will tell that story.”
Every hour may tell that story, but that story is a complete fiction, something
viewers bored enough to tune into the event will surely know.
At GOP midterm convention, Republicans can celebrate the nothing they have accomplished
Food prices are up 2.7% over this time a year ago, according to the most recent U.S. Department of Agriculture data. Gas is being priced like its liquid gold after the Republican-controlled Congress let Trump waltz America into an unnecessary war with Iran. Key parts of the U.S. government have been gutted, including food inspectors, a fact alarming many of us as we see a steady stream of food recalls following a summer of lettuce-induced explosive diarrhea. Wages aren’t keeping pace with inflation.
And Trump, the titular head of the Republican Party, saw his approval rating drop to 32% in a Focaldata/Financial Times poll released over Labor Day weekend.
This convention seems a bit like taking the bad-smelling, week-old food that’s in your fridge and placing it on the counter so everyone can get a better whiff.
Dallas Republican convention has a list of speakers nobody wants to hear
The list of speakers at the Dallas convention reads like a who’s who of “Who’s to blame for all these problems?” You’ve got President Trump on both nights, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, Donald Trump Jr. and GOP House Speaker Mike Johnson. You can almost feel the weirdness!
Maybe Kennedy will talk more about his “meats and ferments” diet while Johnson pretends he hasn’t seen the president’s most recent offensive social media post and Bessent pompously reassures Americans who can’t afford groceries that the economy is doing just great.
It's clear the convention has been a huge draw, since the GOP had to start giving out free tickets to fill the stands and, according to a recent Politico survey, "more than 70 GOP candidates and members revealed that most either do not plan to attend or are still weighing whether to go."
It's like if Lollapalooza featured piles of dirty sweat socks instead of bands.
An honest schedule of GOP midterm convention events
If I had to generate an honest schedule for the first day’s proceedings, it would go something like this:
- 4 p.m. to 4:01 p.m. – A reading of the Republican Party’s recent legislative accomplishments.
- 4:01 p.m. to 5 p.m. – A series of AI-generated memes making fun of former President Joe Biden.
- 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. – Various speakers yelling “COMMUNISM!!” over and over again like Gregorian monks who regret their life choices.
- 7 p.m. to 8 p.m. – In-house advertisements for the Trump-branded merchandise available throughout the American Airlines Center.
- 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. – Johnson and Vice President JD Vance lavish praise on President Trump, who arrives more than an hour late because he doesn’t care about anybody else.
- 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. – President Trump speaks about himself and all the great things he has done that aren’t true.
Republican midterm convention will go against opening NFL games
Because the Republican Party is smart and incredibly organized, both nights of this fabulous function will collide with the first two NFL games of the season, forcing viewers to say, “Hmmmm. Should I watch the exciting season openers of America’s favorite sport, or tune in to hear excessive blather from a party that has failed me and has an uncomfortable, cult-ish relationship with an 80-year-old former reality TV star?”
Tough decision.
As the RNC chairman said in his statement, “This will be unlike any political convention America has seen before.” I imagine that’s correct. Just not in the way he’s expecting.
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Midterm convention invites GOP to celebrate Trump's failure | Opinion
