There's an old episode of "The Simpsons" where Homer, the TV show's booze-addled antihero, offers a hilarious toast: "To alcohol! The cause of – and solution to – all of life's problems."
After someone almost completely emptied out my checking account without my knowledge, I'm thinking that quote applies better to artificial intelligence than to alcohol.
I learned about my trip to the poorhouse several days after it actually happened, when I got a phone call from my bank, Bank of America, about a couple of suspicious withdrawals made from my account. The woman who broke the news to me seemed to be scolding me because I hadn't monitored my account online more closely.
I thought I was paying the bank to watch my money, but we've all got our opinions,
right?
Bank of America's ironic 'AI alert'
Anyway, from there, I spent several stressful days dealing with various bank departments to lock down my old account, submit a claim to recover the lost funds, start a new bank account and order a new ATM card.
I also had to make arrangements to shift my direct deposit and my automatic bill payments to the new account.
As I was going through this, I couldn't help but think about the irony of it all. AI agents are making banking fraud faster than ever for the fraudsters. But it took me days to clean up the mess – and I had to go through security verification procedures each time I was transferred or contacted a new department.
I wonder how many security verifications the hacker had to get around before accessing my account. My guess would be far fewer than I did.
I got it all done – barely – before my biggest monthly bills came due and I needed to shift money from one of my retirement accounts to cover them.
The bank did restore the lost funds, although to date I haven't received any information about how the fraudulent transfers occurred, whether the bank caught the culprits, or if my money was recovered or simply replaced through insurance.
All of those unresolved questions matter to me, because I would like to believe this won't happen again. Or at least that it's not very likely. As things stand, I'm not at all reassured.
Bank of America recently sent out an alert – which I received after all this had happened – cautioning customers that an "Al-enabled tool or agent" might be used to hack their accounts.
That's ironic, too. While I was trying to get my life back to normal, I spent a lot of time on hold, listening to the bank's recorded messages about how many of its services could be handled online. Presumably so the bank could employ fewer real-life customer service representatives to help people like me.
So, despite the obvious vulnerabilities of online banking, banks want us to do more of it.
Is increasing use of AI hurting more than it's helping?
I'm wondering if doing more of our everyday business online primarily benefits customers, or is it just allowing businesses to save on overhead expenses while leaving the rest of us more exposed to the perils of the new AI-dominated world.
People – some of us, at least – are worried about AI eventually overthrowing human civilization. Even more immediately, there's widespread concern about the proliferation of data centers needed to support AI operations.
Yet at the same time we're collectively wringing our hands about those issues, we are meekly surrendering more and more control to machines over our everyday lives.
Except for the folks who keep their money stuffed in mattresses, my case illustrates how vulnerable our life savings are to electronic fund-transferring mischief. We also order goods and services online. Before heading to the doctor's office, our first medical consultations are often with faceless internet entities that we trust way more than we should.
For that matter, we're starting to trust AI to give us authoritative answers to all of life's questions, including those where human moral judgments and lived experiences might guide us better.
After all, why bother doing any research on our own when we can just type a question into a search field and have some chatbot spit out a near-instantaneous response?
Over time, I think this is going to turn our brains to mush. People won't be able to remember phone numbers, basic grammar, or directions to places they've only visited once or twice without consulting our almighty AI overlords.
We're paving the way for an AI takeover
One theory about an AI Armageddon doesn't involve robots who look like Arnold Schwarzenegger hunting us downwith laser guns. AI could just take over our natural habitat, as we've done with other animals and plants, which would leave us without food and shelter.
Here's a thought exercise: If AI were evaluating whether humans were worth saving for conservation purposes, would we grade out more as an invasive species or one that made important contributions to the ecosystem?
I don't think it's alarmist to be thinking about this kind of stuff. In the short term, our best and brightest scientific minds may come up with guardrails that would prevent AI from taking over. I even think our counterparts in other countries, including those we consider adversaries, are motivated enough by self-preservation to work with us on that.
Ultimately, though, if our goal is to try to maintain control over an intelligence that's far superior to our own, it's hard to imagine that ending well. Eventually, someone somewhere is going to make a mistake that tips the scales out of our favor.
We're human. And humans make mistakes.
In the meantime, I guess the push will continue to increase our online activities, even if it's making us more dependent and less capable of doing things for ourselves.
When I think about it that way, even though I quit drinking years ago, I have to admit Homer may have had a point.
Blake Fontenay is USA TODAY's commentary editor.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Someone drained my bank account. Then the real nightmare began | Opinion
