Rebecca Feinglos was 31 when she decided she needed a divorce.
She'd spent years trying to fix unfixable problems in her marriage − patterns that ultimately threatened her emotional and physical safety. Once she made her choice, she was ready to move forward without looking back. It was time to start over, and to heal.
But Feinglos couldn't move forward right away. North Carolina, where she lives, has one of the most antiquated divorce laws in the country, requiring couples to live apart for at least a year before filing for divorce. "The experience that I had trying to get divorced in North Carolina was infuriating," Feinglos said.
"He made my life as difficult as possible during that separation period by dragging things out, by not responding
to emails," she said. "I mean, you name it − because it wasn't something he wanted."
Feinglos said it took a year and a half to finalize her divorce. In the meantime, she said, her ex drained their joint bank account and still had a key to the condo she was living in. She tried to change the locks, but was told she couldn't because her ex still technically owned the home with her, as her legal spouse. "It was incredibly scary," she said. Still, she knows she's one of the more fortunate divorcees, because establishing separation at all is an insurmountable feat for many. That's why women's advocates including North Carolina state Sen. Woodson Bradley are championing a bill that would cut the year-long separation period to six months. Couples wouldn't have to wait at all to divorce if the divorce is uncontested and they have no minor children, or if there is evidence of domestic violence between the couple. The bill was introduced in March 2025 and is still in committee.
In the current version of North Carolina's divorce law, there are no exceptions to the one-year separation rule. Most U.S. states don't require separation before divorce. North Carolina, South Carolina, Virginia, Vermont and Louisiana require separation before couples can get divorced, according to overviews from Divorce.law and Hello Divorce, both online divorce information platforms.
Bradley said her own divorce "was horrific," and extenuating circumstances made it "impossible for me to prove that we were separated." Her ex contested the divorce several times, she said. "It drug on for years."
"No one should be tethered to a person that is abusive, that is violent or that they simply do not want to be tied to anymore because of an archaic, antiquated law that's almost 100 years old," Bradley said, adding that she's "not pro divorce" and is now happily remarried. "It does not have to be this way."
Jen Hamilton, a labor and delivery nurse in North Carolina who posts about her life and work to more than 7 million followers across TikTok and Instagram, started the separation process from her husband in July. She knows there's a long road ahead of her, she told USA TODAY, but like Feinglos, she feels lucky that she has the means to leave a situation she knows isn't right for her.
@_jen_hamilton_ Let’s GOOOOOO
♬ original sound - Jen Hamilton
Hamilton is speaking out, she said, so that other women don't have to feel alone.
'How do you move on when you're still legally tied?'
Hamilton met her husband in 2011, when they both were working as camp counselors at the same children's camp. She became pregnant unexpectedly, and the two got married when Hamilton was five months pregnant in 2012.
"I fell so head over heels in love with this dude," she said. "So, the pregnancy expedited things, for sure − but I loved him so, so much."
There were fidelity issues throughout their marriage, Hamilton said, which she "forgave along the way." But by the fall of 2025, she'd had enough. She's posted several videos about her experience, and vowed to herself that she wouldn't go back to him again.
But soon after making her decision, Hamilton was confronted with the reality of North Carolina's divorce law. "I didn't realize the depth of what I was about to get myself into," she said.
Instead of severing ties with her cheating ex for good, Hamilton said she established separation from her husband in July. She'll have to wait until next July before she can file for divorce. In the meantime, she's juggling full-time, solo parenting with work and travel.
"I am super, super privileged in that I have the ability to be financially independent and I don't have to worry about being homeless or trying to find a place to live," she said. "But there's so many women who don't."
She thinks about the stay-at-home moms who don't have any money or bank accounts of their own. She thinks about the women in domestic violence situations who are afraid of a vindictive spouse.
"How do you move on when you're still legally tied to somebody?" she said.
Shana Carignan, executive director of the Durham Crisis Response Center, said post-separation abuse is common and the center often sees people who "are not able to break free" of abusive relationships. And she reminds people that abuse and domestic violence can encompass many things, not just physical harm. Emotional manipulation, financial control and abuse, harassment, stalking, threats, litigation abuse, manipulation of children, technology and surveillance-facilitated abuse and interference with employment or housing are all things she sees victims endure before and during separation periods.
"It's really about power and control," Carignan said.
The center helps victims obtain protective orders, secure housing and food assistance, connect with counselors and case managers and accompanies them to court proceedings "so that they don't have to be alone."
Bradley said she, too, has seen families experiencing post-separation abuse while moving through the social services system.
"It can be fatal. The most dangerous times were custodial exchanges," she said. "Seeing women and children fall through the cracks just because of this ridiculous law − that's what I dedicated my life to."
These women are speaking up for all of the women who can't
The bill, Bradley said, has support from men and women alike. The current law "isn't good for families," she said, because, among other reasons, of the monetary expense of maintaining two households for a year. That alone can be ruinous for individuals and families, leading to pre-foreclosures, depleted savings accounts and other precarious financial situations.
"This is about families. This is about individuals. This is about people being free to be happy and live their own life," she said. "And I don't think the North Carolina legislature needs to be at my kitchen table when I'm having relationship issues, where it's clear that we need to be apart from each other."
Looking back, Feinglos said staying in her marriage was not an option, but leaving posed a lot of risks, too. Personally, she found divorce "was worth those risks to me to get out." But she knows that's not possible for everyone.
Her direct messages on social media are full of women sharing their stories, she said − women who can't like her posts or comment publicly because they are scared.
"I feel like I have a responsibility to speak up because of the privilege that I have," Feinglos said. "Divorce policy in America leads to the deaths of women in this country who cannot get out, who do not have the financial means to get out, who cannot start a separation period because they don't have the support system − the finances − to live separately and apart for a year."
If you or someone you know needs domestic violence resources and support, please call, text or chat with the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
Madeline Mitchell's role covering women and the caregiving economy at USA TODAY is supported by a partnership with Pivotal and Journalism Funding Partners. Funders do not provide editorial input.
Reach Madeline at memitchell@usatoday.com and @maddiemitch_ on X.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: These states require separation before divorce. Some say it’s putting women in danger
