Just weeks before her death, Hayden Panettiere gave an emotional interview about her 11-year-old daughter, Kaya.
Speaking to parenting magazine Momé
in July for a cover story titled "Hayden Panettiere Never Stopped Choosing Her Daughter," the actress opened up about the near-death birth, postpartum depression and her painful decision to give her ex-fiancé, Ukrainian boxer Wladimir Klitschko, custody of their daughter.The pair welcomed Kaya in December 2014. The birth was traumatic and near-fatal, with Panettiere requiring seven blood transfusions and three hours of surgery. While in recovery, the actress said she "felt nothing" when gazing at her baby. "I had always heard that moms feel an instant rush of love, but I didn't — and I had no idea
why," she said.
To combat the emptiness and shame, Panettiere told the magazine that she turned to alcohol, which "ultimately ended up leading to an alcohol dependency." What came next, she said, was the hardest decision of her life: giving Klitschko, who was living in Ukraine, custody of their daughter, who she called her "mini me."
Klitschko had requested full custody of then 2-year-old Kaya, citing worries about her being in Panettiere's care.
"It wasn't a decision I made lightly, nor was it a decision I even wanted to make," Panettiere said. "I was going through a really challenging time in my life… I knew I needed to be able to put her first so that I could get the help I needed and be the mom she needed me to be."
Panettiere entered rehab and said part of her treatment was learning to forgive herself.
"You have to let go of what you wish you could change, and be present, and make the most of what you have now," she shared.
"I love my daughter, and I'm so proud of the young woman she is becoming. I talk to her all the time, and I feel so connected to her," she said. "One day she'll understand my story, and why I wasn't able to be with her all the time."
Panettiere's representative confirmed her death to USA TODAY on Sunday, Aug. 16. A cause of death has not yet been shared.
In Panettiere's memoir "This Is Me: A Reckoning," which was released May 19, the star also spoke about her relationship with Kaya, writing that at one point, a doctor warned her she would "be dead within five years" if she didn't stop drinking. The actress also admitted that she had become addicted to Klonopin, a central nervous system depressant.
While in the throes of postpartum depression, Panettiere recalled thinking about alcohol from the moment she woke up. "I needed a drink to function," she wrote.
In her memoir, Panettiere wrote that she agreed to relinquish custody because the legal battle would "destroy me psychologically at a time when my heart and soul were weaker than they'd ever been."
In her closing remarks to Momé last month, Panettiere did not claim to be fully healed.
"I'm a work in progress — we all are. I take each day as it comes. I'm doing the work, and I'm doing my best," she said.
Contributing: Anika Reed and Clare Mulroy, USA TODAY
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Hayden Panettiere's emotional final comments about daughter, Kaya
