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When Candace Luster and her friend weren’t getting along, it wasn’t so easy to get space from one another: they were sharing a cabin on a cruise ship.
The pair took a Virgin Voyages cruise together in 2025 from Portugal to England. "I only knew this girl for a few months before I was like, 'Hey, do you want to go on this cruise with me?'" the now 39-year-old flight attendant told USA TODAY.
However, tensions rose throughout the sailing. Toward the end of the trip, Luster brought her concerns to guest services, and
the cruise line moved her to a separate – though slightly lower category – room at no extra charge for the remaining two nights.
Cruise lines may not always have an extra cabin to give guests, though. Here’s what to do if you have a falling out with your travel companion during a sailing.
What to do if you have a falling out with cruise cabin mate
Marisa G. Franco, a psychologist, professor and author of "Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make – and Keep – Friends," advised getting grounded in the wake of conflict with a cabin mate.
"If you're feeling like you're in a heated or agitated place, it's going to be really hard to have good conflict because when we're really emotional, our prefrontal cortex, which is reasoning and perspective-taking, it goes offline," she said.
She recommended taking some time to yourself – as much as possible on a cruise – breathing or calling someone else for support or to vent before trying to address the situation with your travel companion.
Cruises – especially mega-ships – offer a wide range of onboard spaces and activities so passengers can do their own thing to an extent, noted Joanna Kuther, a travel agent and owner of Port Side Travel Consultants. "You can go to the pool, you can go to the spa, you can go to the gym," she said.
Once on a cruise Kuther took with friends, two of her cabin mates staying had an argument and tried to work out a stateroom schedule. "It was like, 'I'm going to go to the room at this time to get ready, you go to the room at that time,' even down to, 'I'll go to the room first and go to sleep, and then you come in,' just so they weren't even awake at the same time in the room," she said.
When guests feel ready, Franco encouraged them to try to make amends.
"And repair just looks like, 'Hey, I know things got heated, but I really want us to be on positive terms for the rest of this trip so we can enjoy it together, so I just would love to talk it out and move forward if you're open to that.'"
That uses a tool called framing, which presents the conversation as an investment in the relationship and explicitly communicates that the speaker wants to stay connected to the other person.
"Maybe it got so bad, everyone's cursing at each other, that it feels beyond repair already," Franco added. "But if that's not the case, and it is something repairable, then I would try to engage in repair."
She noted there can be a tendency to think that other people’s true selves are revealed during conflict.
"But I think it's important to keep in mind that that's not our true self. That's often our most triggered, most scared self full of defense mechanisms," Franco said. "I think of our true self as authenticity, and that's who we are when we're safe. And so, I think that's just important to keep in mind when thinking about having grace for each other in these difficult experiences."
Can you move cabins during a cruise?
If it’s not possible to resolve the issues – or the guests simply need more extended time apart – one of them may be able to move cabins like Luster.
However, Kuther cautioned not to assume that will be an option, since many ships sail at close to 100% occupancy. "There's no way to know (if they’ll have an extra room)," she said. "It's going to depend on the ship, it’s going to depend on how full it is, how long the sailing is, and how serious guest services and/or security thinks the rift is between the two people."
If another room is available and the cruise is partway over, Kuther said she would expect the line to let guests move at no extra cost rather than charging a prorated fare.
"We’ll always do what we can to make sure our Sailors have a great and safe experience, even when the unexpected happens," Virgin Voyages told USA TODAY in an email when asked about Luster’s experience. "In this case, the Sailor did the right thing by letting our Sailor Services Crew know what was going on, and our Crew was happy to find a solution that worked for her. While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, we’ll always look at what we can do to help in unexpected situations, with options depending on things like cabin availability and the circumstances at the time."
If the ship is full, passengers may not be totally out of luck. When Kuther’s friends weren’t getting along, one ended up moving into another friend’s room.
"So, if there happens to be someone else that you meet on the ship, or if you already have other friends, you know, that would be the best-case scenario that you can move into another room with a friend, or switch roommates," she said.
How to know if a friend will make a good travel companion
Having a pre-travel conversation before planning a cruise with a potential cabin mate may help avoid a mid-sailing crisis. Franco recommended discussing travel styles, pet peeves and any conflicts each person has had in the past with others around travel.
"Definitely choosing people that you've had conflict with successfully is important, because travel is a situation that can bring out the possibility of conflict," she added.
Be sure to talk about possible points of contention, such as whether one person is a light sleeper or a smoker or non-smoker, Kuther said. She also recommended new travel companions try a short cruise for their first voyage together.
"I wouldn't start off on a 12-day trip," she said.
Even with preparation, however, conflicts may arise and can simply be part of the experience of being cooped up together for a long period of time. "You can influence the outcome, but you can't control it," Franco said. "So there's also, (I) just want to acknowledge that even if you do due diligence, things can still be hard."
Travel companions don’t always have to be roommates, either. Luster advised other cruise passengers not to be afraid to voice their preference for separate cabins.
"You really don't know someone until you stay with them," she said.
Nathan Diller is a consumer travel reporter for USA TODAY based in Nashville. You can reach him at ndiller@usatoday.com.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: The cruise nightmare nobody talks about: A cabin mate conflict
