Mary Cosby is opening up about grief amid the loss of her son, Robert Cosby Jr.
The "Real Housewives of Salt Lake City" star spoke on Anderson Cooper's grief podcast, "All There Is," about the death of Cosby Jr., who died after a battle with drug addiction in February. He was 23.
Cosby, 54, said she has intentionally kept herself from going to a dark place.
"Dying from a broken heart is a choice, and you can choose it," she said. "He took a chunk of me. So it did visit me. And I chose not to go there. I chose not to be dark. These were choices that I was physically, mentally making, trying to get through that really dark time in the beginning."
Cosby Jr. died Feb. 23 at home
after law enforcement responded to an overdose call, Salt Lake City Police Department public information officer Sgt. Greg Wilking confirmed to USA TODAY at the time. An official cause of death has not yet been confirmed, though the family was open about his struggle with drug addiction and mental health on the Bravo reality show.
"Though our hearts ache, we take comfort in God's promise and in knowing he is finally at peace," Cosby said in a statement at the time.
Cosby told Cooper that she only allows herself to feel grief "in doses."
"I do cry, but I cry when I talk about it, but I don't cry in silence. I don't cry and stay in my bed," she added.
She said she has cried more about the January 2025 death of her estranged mother, Rosalind Cazares, whom she said died alone in the hospital. Amid longstanding controversy surrounding Cosby's marriage to her step-grandfather and the power struggle at their family church, she said she wasn't invited to the funeral.
"Stuff like that hurts, you know, more than my kid, who I know is safe, who I feel like he left this world, but it's for a purpose. And it was for a reason, and that has to come out good," she said. "So, I have like a feeling of okayness with my kid. With my mom, yeah, I could cry [about] her."
Cosby Jr. was featured several times on "RHOSLC," including in a highly praised conversation he had with his mother over his substance abuse issues.
Cosby Jr., who Mary Cosby described as a sensitive, kind, straight-A student growing up, told his mother he had been taking Xanax, along with a slew of other drugs, since he was 16.
"I won't judge you. I can try to help you, but you have to help yourself because I'm not going to support it," a tearful Cosby told her son. "You know I'm not."
"I just feel very disappointed with myself," she added in a confessional interview. "I feel like I let him down somewhere. I do know that Robert did smoke weed. I do know he would eat edibles, but yet, I just trusted him in my mind, thinking that's where he would stop. And I was clearly wrong."
On Nov. 25, 2025, Cosby Jr. pleaded guilty to multiple charges, including violating a protective order from his ex-wife, Alexiana Smokoff. He was booked and ordered to remain in custody until his February sentencing. The recent Season 7 premiere of "RHOSLC" followed his release from Salt Lake County Metro Jail, weeks before his death.
The episode shows her excitement and anxiety about having her son back. "He is clean, yes," she said. "Now he's got to stay that way."
Cosby resumed filming three weeks after her son's death, reiterating that she didn't want to go to a dark place.
"I feel at peace," she said. "I feel like he's not battling, he's not struggling and wanting me to help him, and I couldn't. That's the type of guilt that a parent has to deal with: you can't help him."
Contributing: Erin Jensen, USA TODAY
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Mary Cosby explains why she cries more over mom's death than son's
